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przeczytalam jego maile - pomozcie

18.04.07, 14:17
dziewczyny, pomozcie...

przeczytalam dzis maile mojego faceta - wiem, ze nie powinnam, ale mialam
pewne podejrzenia. no i to co zobaczylam zwalilo mnie z nog. od wielu
miesiecy szukal sobie lasek przez internet, nie wiem czy sie z nimi w koncu
spotykal, taki przynajmniej byl cel korespondencji - niezobowiazujacy sex. do
tego wysylal swoje zdjecia przebrany za kobiete...

nie wiem co robic. za miesiac rodze nasze dziecko. jesli mu powiem o tym, ze
grzebalam w jego skrzynce bedzie miec sluszne pretensje. ale nie moge po
prostu tego zignorowac...
pomozcie co robic, bo mam ochote rzucic sie pod pierwszy przejezdzajacy
Obserwuj wątek
    • tygrysek27 lepiej nie wiedzieć??? 18.04.07, 14:24
      co wy pierdzielicie za przeproszeniem? ktoś najbliższy ci na świecie ma drugie
      zycie a wy wolicie nie wiedzieć?
      żyć w farsie i ułudzie????

      Mela - nie zostaje ci nic innego jak rozmowa z nim i jeśli trzeba - rozstanie.
    • biedulka Re: przeczytalam jego maile - pomozcie 18.04.07, 14:27
      kiedy moj zwiazek mila sie ku koncowi przejrzalam archiwum gg mojego ex.
      prowadzil "ciekawe" rozmowy ze swoja przyjaciolka, nasza wspolna znajoma. Razem
      obrazali mnie i plotkowali na moj temat. W zlosci powiedzialam mu o tym, co
      zrobilam. Czuje ze dobrze zrobilam - poznalam jego prawdziwe mysli, jego zdanie
      na moj temat. Przykre to bylo ale otworzylo mi oczy.
    • nikita696 Re: przeczytalam jego maile - pomozcie 18.04.07, 14:28
      mela25 napisała:

      > pomozcie co robic, bo mam ochote rzucic sie pod pierwszy przejezdzajacy
      > samochod....

      chcesz rzucić się pod samochód i odebrać życie sobie i dziecku przez takiego
      kretyna?? Jego powinnaś wziąć i wrzucić do śmietnika najlepiej:/
      współczuje ci bardzo i nie wiem, co ci poradzić, ja bym nie potrafiła zyć z
      takim człowiekiem i to by oznaczało koniec...

    • safari-73 Re: przeczytalam jego maile - pomozcie 18.04.07, 14:46
      Dobrze zrobiłaś,że przeczytałaś...Przynajmniej wiesz z kim masz doczynienia!Ale
      tak naprawdę to tylko szczera rozmowa może coś tu wnieść...Dowiedz się,czy były
      również spotkania "na żywo"itd.Trzymaj się i nie załamuj!Nie jest tego wart!
    • sloneczna_polana Re: przeczytalam jego maile - pomozcie 18.04.07, 15:09
      Nie jestes odosobniona ze swoim problemem!

      W dobie internetu wyjatkowo latwo realizwac skryte pragnienia, albo
      przynajmniej dzielic sie nimi z ludzi w sieci.

      Na dole masz po angielsku artykul na ten temat: zaczyna sie od pytania kobiety
      na ktore nastepnie odpowiadaja psychologowie.

      To co masz zrobic powinno zalezec w glownej mierze od tego co myslisz i jak
      myslisz o swoim partnerze po tym czego sie o nim dowiedzialas.
      Dlaczego to ty masz sie rzucic pod samochod?
      To on prowadz idwa zycia.

      Is he logging on for love?

      My new husband is spending a lot of time in computer chatrooms. I suspect he is
      having an online relationship with a woman. What should I do?
      Dr Thomas Stuttaford and Suzi Godson
      Dr Thomas Stuttaford says:
      Of the several stories given to me by my former patients, one stands out as a
      warning. However, I am very well aware that there are also many innocent, if
      irritating, reasons why people become obsessed by the computer, and also of the
      benefits that constant communication can provide.
      The case is that of a 32-year-old woman banker who had been married to a former
      colleague for two years. They had one child. She became irritated that her
      husband spent hours on the internet each night alone in his study. As she knew
      the lifestyle, she understood why he was often late back from work, but was
      surprised that he disappeared to his study and his computer as soon as supper
      was over, and was late for bed.
      After the birth of their daughter their sex life waned. She wondered if he was
      accessing porn sites and, since she was internet savvy, when she noticed one
      day that he hadn’t logged off properly she viewed the last sites he had
      visited. She felt guilty; it seemed as bad as reading a spouse’s diary.
      However, her guilt turned to horror when she recognised on a website a
      photograph of their study with her husband sitting naked on the sofa with his
      penis artificially enlarged by computer technology. He claimed to be single and
      was advertising for sexual partners with an interest in sado-masochism.
      First warning over, but bear in mind that unless you have a sneak view of what
      your husband is looking at you haven’t the slightest idea what it is. Some
      people, very often intelligent, oversensitive and introverted, can spend hours
      a day on perfectly innocent internet pursuits or correspondence. These may be
      as innocent as keeping up with friends or writing to fellow enthusiasts about
      genealogy, stamp collecting, participating in a book club or eBay shopping. It
      might be that he uses his computer as an excuse, and a cover, for his current
      lack of libido and interest in marital sex.
      Not all chatrooms are suspect. There are those in which ideas are exchanged on
      medical matters, politics or art, as well as those that cater for unusual
      sexual tastes.
      You will have to talk to your husband. I deplore the surreptitious reading by
      husbands, wives or partners of each other’s letters, or the searching of each
      other’s pockets, bags, or for any other evidence of sexual chicanery. On the
      other hand, I understand that there are circumstances in which these measures
      can be justified and I think that yours is one.
      There are many possible innocent explanations for your husband’s behaviour, but
      if there is a danger that he has other partners who may be addicted to
      hazardous sexual quirks, it is only wise that you should know about them. You
      should talk to him and insist that he gives you access to his computer so that
      he can prove that his time is spent either working or possibly sharing with
      other enthusiasts an interest in the niceties of the American Civil War and not
      cruising cyberspace for opportunities to sample illicit sex.
      If he is a porn watcher, it depends on the type of porn he watches, but only
      when you know what is involved can you take appropriate action. It is perfectly
      reasonable that you feel the stability of your marriage is threatened but,
      however harmless or potentially dangerous your husband’s internet absorption,
      it has undermined your trust.
      Suzi Godson says:
      Whether your new husband is having an affair or not is almost irrelevant. The
      mere fact that he would rather sit up into the early hours staring at a screen
      than snuggle up with his lovely new wife suggests that there is something
      fundamentally unhealthy about his relationship with his computer. Even if he is
      looking only at porn, it’s hardly a great way to start a marriage. The
      situation you describe paints such a miserable picture. You lying alone in the
      master bedroom torturing yourself about his online activities, while he sits in
      the spare room/study/future baby’s room typing out one-handed sex scenes to an
      anonymous lover.
      Or several anonymous lovers. It is actually far more likely that your husband
      is having an affair with the whole chatroom sex experience rather than a
      particular individual. I am writing this column at 8am but at www.adultfriend there are already 154 members in the cybersex room and 268 people in
      the web-cam fun room.
      Chatrooms are incredibly seductive. They allow participants instantaneously to
      share intimate thoughts with receptive people who are in a similarly heightened
      state of anticipation and excitement, but things are often not what they seem.
      Online anonymity makes it so easy to lie that the Microsoft advertising
      slogan, “Where do you want to go today?”, would be more accurate if it was
      changed to “Who do you want to be today?” The 23-year-old lap dancer your
      husband is responding to could just as easily be an overweight 55-year-old
      Canadian postman with a cross-dressing fantasy. And I doubt your husband
      mentions that he is a newlywed in any of his correspondence.
      The bizarre concept of millions of people across the world sharing fantasies
      and pushing sexual boundaries with people they would not look twice at in real
      life is a uniquely 21st-century insanity. If all this madness could be
      contained in cyberspace it might not be so damaging, but online fantasies can
      cause serious problems in offline relationships.
      Men and women who need increasingly lurid and graphic images or narratives to
      become aroused can have difficulty responding to normal stimulation. Real-world
      sex simply can’t compete with a world in which voyeurism, exhibitionism, group
      sex and bondage are the norm rather than the exception. Although your husband
      might not yet recognise that the virtual sex he may engage in presents a
      tangible threat to your marriage, the extent to which he has alienated you
      shows a growing dependency on a medium that is increasingly being recognised as
      highly addictive. You need to confront him about this. If he admits that he has
      a problem, you need to give him an ultimatum. Either he gets help or you get a
      Typically, only a real crisis — a lost job, an ultimatum from a spouse, police
      at the door tracing illegal downloads — will force an online sex addict to seek
      help. As recent studies show that internet “addicts” are also likely to be
      suffering from depression, behavioural therapy combined with antidepressants is
      often more effective than 12-step recovery programmes.
      • mela25 Re: przeczytalam jego maile - pomozcie 18.04.07, 16:36
        niestety to nie zadna podpucha czy prowokacja, jak ktos napisal.
        dziekuje Wam za odpowiedzi, jestem naprawde rozstrzesiona i trudno mi zebrac
        mysli, ale zdecydowalam sie dzis powiedziec mu o tym, ze przyczytalam te maile.
        niestety moja sytuacja finansowa nie jest najlepsza, do pracy tez nie bede miec
        juz miec powrotu po macierzynskim (on mial nas utrzymywac przez kolejne kilka
        miesiecy), ale nie wyobrazam sobie dalej zycia pod jednym dachem.
        dziekuje za to, co napisalyscie, artykuly bardzo pomocne, dziekuje i trzymajcie
        za mnie kciuki
    • yagiennka Mela porozmawiaj z nim 18.04.07, 16:36
      I powiedz mu otwarcie że wiesz. Nie ważne czy grzebałąs w jego skrzynce czy nie,
      pewnie sama wiadomośc że wiesz zbije go i tak z nóg. Nie można tego tak
      zostawić. Niech ci się z tego tłumaczy, każdy jest tylko człowiekiem może miał
      jakiś powód, może zwykła głupota, może się z nikim nie spotkał. Ciekawe że
      przebierał się za kobietę, może ma jakies skłonności homo albo tranwest?? W
      każdym razie chowanie głowy w piasek i udawanie że jakoś bedzie to najgorsze co
      możesz zrobić.
    • poranaherbate Re: przeczytalam jego maile - pomozcie 18.04.07, 16:46
      czy Was pogielo? ok zle ze zajrzala, nie powinna, ale kurcze dobrze sie stalo.
      Chrzani wyrzuty sumienia, Twoja wina jest tu znacznie mniejsza! bedziecie mieli
      dziecko, rodzine, nie mozna takich rzeczy bagatelizowac, ja bym z nim pogadala,
      moze sprobowala sie dogadac, zobaczymy co powie, daj mu szanse, ale tez
      otwarcie przyznaj ze Twoije zaufanie jets mocno nadszarpniete i ze bedzie go
      sprawdzac, a jesli nie zamierza sie do tego stosowac to trudno niech powie
      zegbnaj, ja wiem ze to bardzo latwo powiedziec trudniej zrobic, ale przeciez
      nie bedziesz zyla wiecznie w strachu ze Cie zdradza.
      Anoz sie rozstaniecie i przemysli... mela trzymaj sie!
      And all I've been searching for, well words could never say...

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