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English sandwiches are bad, lunchmeat uneatable :(

10.02.06, 12:57
This got to be somehow hard to swallow for Dave who believes that there's
only way of "proper sandwich making"..namely English, which the reality seems
to prove otherwise.

All Poles who work in Britain agree to one thing; British food for most part
is uneatable, and their sausages and the lunchmeat is one of the worst in the
World. Hard to believe given the fact that certain Earl of Sandwich is
credited with inventing a sandwich.

Dave, can you elaborate little more on the "proper sandwich making"?
--
Polska jest w moim sercu!
Obserwuj wątek
    • usenetposts Re: English sandwiches are bad, lunchmeat uneatab 10.02.06, 18:20
      waldek1610 napisał:

      > This got to be somehow hard to swallow for Dave who believes that there's
      > only way of "proper sandwich making"..namely English, which the reality seems
      > to prove otherwise.
      >
      > All Poles who work in Britain agree to one thing; British food for most part
      > is uneatable, and their sausages and the lunchmeat is one of the worst in the
      > World. Hard to believe given the fact that certain Earl of Sandwich is
      > credited with inventing a sandwich.
      >
      > Dave, can you elaborate little more on the "proper sandwich making"?

      Well, noblesse oblige, as they say, so OK.

      In America, working on the scaffolding ("rusztowanie") of a new skyscraper
      there is an English builder, and Italian builder, and a Polish builder.

      They usually sit out on a girder together up on the 40th floor and eat their
      packed lunch at lunch time. One Thursday, the Englishman says "egg and cress on
      Mighty White again! I've had that all week. If I get egg and cress again
      tomorrow, I'm just going to throw my sandwich away uneaten.

      The Italian says "bresaola in ciabatti for the fourth time this week! If I get
      bresaola in ciabatti again tomorrow, I will throw them away too".

      And the Polish guy says "Kabanos and pickled gherkins, again! I can't take it
      any more. If I get that tomorrow, I'll also throw my sandwiches away."

      The next day comes, and the Englishman opens his packed lunch, takes a bite and
      says "Ugh! Egg and cress!" and throws the pack of sandwiches down into the
      rubbish skip 40 floors below.

      The Italian likewise opens his packed lunch, takes a bite and says "Ugh!
      Bresaola!" and throws his pack of sandwiches down into the rubbish skip with
      the Englishman's.

      The Polish guy then mutters "Kabanosy", and throws his unopened sandwiches
      after the other two packed lunches.

      "Wait a minute" the other two said "how do you know what was in those
      sandwiches? You didn't even open them!"

      "That's easy", rejoindered their Polish colleague. You forget my wife is
      Polish, so rather than have a big row, I always make my own sandwiches."

      Does that explain it for you?
      --
      - Uncle Davey's Homepage -
      :: Foreigners Living in Poland Forum
      • waldek1610 Re: English sandwiches are bad, lunchmeat uneatab 11.02.06, 07:50
        Dave,
        I've asked you to share your ideas on as you put it "proper sandwich making",
        and instead you give me a joke about English, Italian and Polish builder where
        Pole (as always) comes out to be an idiot.

        Can you for a second forget your're a English and give me straightfoward
        anwser? How do you make your sandwiches, no trash talking please?
        --
        Polska jest w moim sercu!
        • usenetposts Re: English sandwiches are bad, lunchmeat uneatab 12.02.06, 15:07
          You want me to give you a recipe for sandwiches?

          OK, Take two slices of "mighty white" cotton wool bread, put butter on them,
          then put slices of a hardboiled egg and some cress on, maybe a little salad
          cream, salt and pepper.

          Alternatively, you can simply use branston pickle, with maybe some luncheon
          meat thrown in for good measure.

          Then there are such old favorites as fresh cucumber and philadelphia, marmite
          and lettuce, or BLT, which is "bacon, lettuce and tomato".

          An important UK contribution to the international canon of canapes is the
          peanut, butter and jelly sanwich, in which the peanuts are placed on the bread
          before the butter, and jello is added as an afterthought. A rollmop or bismarck
          herring makes a fine accompaniment to this fine treat.

          To make an English sandwich, the correct way to slice the bread is diagonally.
          For more class, cut the crusts off and add some chips to the side as a garnish.
          This is known as a "club sandwich", for the effect that it has.

          However, one English delicacy which stands out as the supreme sandwich in whose
          shade all other sandwiches must remain is known as the chip butty. From the
          North of England, this is only correctly executed when the slices of Hovis
          bread are buttered with the knife in your right hand and the bread resting in
          the open palm of your left hand. The more butter is added, the better the
          effect will be. Then hot chips (like french fires but fatter, and actually made
          from potatoes)with salt and vinegar already on them and optionally tomato
          ketchup and/or daddy's sauce are added, and the resulting sandwich is cut into
          two symmetrical rectangles. It is necessary that the chips should poke out of
          the sides of the butty, while being eaten, and that the butter, which melts
          from the heat of the chips, should drip down the front of your shirt.

          It is presented on a plate with the traditional words "There you go, love". A
          good appetite is not wished in the UK, as in most European countries, however,
          since our food is so good that a good appetite is guaranteed even without words.

          This butty is washed down with tea with milk and sugar, with the teaspoon still
          present in the mug at the time of drinking. Connoissseurs of English cuisine
          know as second nature how to place the thumb in order to prevent the teaspoon
          from making abrupt contact with the eye during consumption.

          More UK culinary secrets another time.

          --
          - Uncle Davey's Homepage -
          :: Foreigners Living in Poland Forum
          • ms.jones English sandwich rules! 12.02.06, 16:08
            smile))

            a great big massive cheer and thumbs up and a vote for the post of whatever you
            like! Thanks to these evocative images I can't be trusted with making or being
            given a cup(mug) of tea for the forseeable future!
            • chris-joe Re: English sandwich rules! 12.02.06, 21:37
              I particularly love the "love" part. Especially when it accompanies a pint of
              good English ale and not a sandwich smile

              Canadians are way too reserved to get that emotional. Unlike our American
              brethren (or sisters rather) who quite often will call you "hon".
              This "hon" alone is a good reason to hop across the border on a lazy weekend.
              • usenetposts Re: English sandwich rules! 12.02.06, 22:10
                chris-joe napisał:

                > I particularly love the "love" part. Especially when it accompanies a pint of
                > good English ale and not a sandwich smile

                Sometimes I hear it even accompanies Bishop's Finger.

                >
                > Canadians are way too reserved to get that emotional.

                I dare say "there you go, eh?" is a good version for the Commodians, eh?

                > Unlike our American
                > brethren (or sisters rather) who quite often will call you "hon".

                We use that term for Judges in England, and members of parliament.

                > This "hon" alone is a good reason to hop across the border on a lazy weekend.

                I wonder if it would work as a good excuse for the illegal Mexicans?


                --
                - Uncle Davey's Homepage -
                :: Foreigners Living in Poland Forum
                • chris-joe Re: English sandwich rules! 12.02.06, 23:42
                  "We use that term for Judges in England, and members of parliament."

                  See, you ARE way more emotional than us! We call them "Your Honor". Can you
                  get more cold and detached than this? Blame it on the clime.

                  "I wonder if it would work as a good excuse for the illegal Mexicans?"

                  Dave, Americans get even more emotional towards the Mexicans! When THEY (the
                  Americans) do the border crossing.
            • usenetposts Re: English sandwiches are bad, lunchmeat uneatab 12.02.06, 17:08
              russh napisał:

              > Can't wait for the next one. What about bangers & mash, or toad-in-the-hole,
              or
              > bubble & squeek, or the greatest contribution of all time, the jacket potato
              > (with tons of butter & grated cheese amongst the preferable fillings).

              I could do all of those. There used to be a chain called "Spud-U-Like" I don't
              know if you remember them, but they elevated the jacket potato to the heady
              heights of a syndicated fast food. You could get all sorts of fillings
              like "coronation chicken", since it was invented in 1952, and things like that.
              Of course after a year or so the chain went bust, with some wags of my them
              acquaintance suggesting that the liquidator might like to change the name on
              winding-up to "Spud-U-Didn't-Actually-Care-Too-Much-For-After-All".

              But your mention of grated cheese melting reminds me of a great British
              tradition, the breville snack and sandwich toaster.

              householdappliances.kelkoo.co.uk/b/a/cp_100282923_brand_breville.html
              This machine has become an institution in the Great British cupboard under the
              stairs. It is traditional at a British wedding for the happy couple to be
              presented with at least three of these labour saving devices - anything less is
              considered bad luck and grounds for immediate divorce. These items of domestoc
              felicity are then used once, and then stashed away and forgotten about, being
              used once every two or three years, until one time they are brought out and
              quite inexplicably refuse to work.

              The product of their technical finesse is a toasted sandwich. This is basically
              a sandwich based around Mighty White or Hovis Large with copious amounts of
              grated cheese in the middle, and one or two other ingredients - if you are
              short of ideas read any pizza menu. Their chief charm is that they are able to
              scald the roof of the mouth very effectively, so that a few hours after your
              meal you can have the diverting pleasure of grating the loose dead skin off of
              your palate with the tongue - possibly with the occasional discrete help of a
              finger.

              However, there is a further benefit in the toasted sandwich which it shares
              with French Onion Soup. Now French Onion Soup is actually not a French recipe
              at all regardless of the garlicky flavour it can have. The real reason for
              giving it that name is that traditionally it was used by French tutors to
              overcome their students' reluctance to pronounce the French "r" properly. The
              melted cheese in the soup - or a breville sandwich would do as well, which is
              of course the reason it has a French name despite coming originally from the
              British province of Australia! - when it is ingested creates a strong fibre of
              ever increasing length and strringiness which the human oesophagus cannot
              naturally break. This results in a degree of urgent howking on the part of the
              cheese partaking gourmet, as a result of which they are henceforth enabled and
              empowered to pronounce French words as well as any Englishman, or Englishwoman
              can.

              Polish people wishing to enjoy this experience can sometimes find a similar
              effect when eating "zakopanies" (also known as "zanky-pankies") - a kind of
              cheese based pizza which is always served overcooked on half of a toasted
              Subways baguette from a freestanding kiosk in the middle of a busy highstreet.

              --
              - Uncle Davey's Homepage -
              :: Foreigners Living in Poland Forum
              • russh Re: English sandwiches are bad, lunchmeat uneatab 13.02.06, 10:13
                There used to be a chain called "Spud-U-Like" I don't
                > know if you remember them, but they elevated the jacket potato to the heady
                > heights of a syndicated fast food. You could get all sorts of fillings
                > like "coronation chicken", since it was invented in 1952, and things like that.
                >
                > Of course after a year or so the chain went bust, with some wags of my them
                > acquaintance suggesting that the liquidator might like to change the name on
                > winding-up to "Spud-U-Didn't-Actually-Care-Too-Much-For-After-All".

                There are still many external Jacket-Potato peddlers - just go to Cambridge
                market. I have fond memories of bonfire night, where we cooked the jacket
                potatos wrapped in silver foil in the ashes.

                Re the toasted sandwich maker, we have one at home (not Breville) and it still
                gets used. Once or twice a year! The great filling was ham & grated-chease.
              • ianek70 Raising a toast 13.02.06, 11:08
                usenetposts napisał:

                > I could do all of those. There used to be a chain called "Spud-U-Like" I
                don't
                > know if you remember them, but they elevated the jacket potato to the heady
                > heights of a syndicated fast food. You could get all sorts of fillings

                There was a Polish version of this a few years ago, too.
                Half a dozen little wooden railway engines appeared suddenly at strategic spots
                in the centre of K-ce, with a menu stuck on the side and a bored teenager
                inside, wearing a stupid hat and accompanied by a spotty boyfriend or
                girlfriend who would get in the way.
                They had all the usual fillings, cheese, tuna and things, and the potatoes were
                actually quite good, but for weeks they had no customers because folk would
                just see this little wooden train and say "what the hell is that?".
                Then they disappeared as suddenly as they'd appeared.

                > The product of their technical finesse is a toasted sandwich. This is
                basically
                >
                > a sandwich based around Mighty White or Hovis Large with copious amounts of
                > grated cheese in the middle, and one or two other ingredients - if you are
                > short of ideas read any pizza menu.

                Toasties are the future. Blue cheese and black olives, with a bit of finely
                chopped onion.
                It's weird that the crappy, tasteless white bread we get in Britain is sold as
                specialised "toast bread" to Poles at ridiculous prices. And it's unfortunate
                that the only places open when you really need a toastie (for example wandering
                home from the pub at 2 am) are petrol stations which only sell useless small-
                slice loaves, so you have to make about ten.

                > Polish people wishing to enjoy this experience can sometimes find a similar
                > effect when eating "zakopanies" (also known as "zanky-pankies") - a kind of
                > cheese based pizza which is always served overcooked on half of a toasted
                > Subways baguette from a freestanding kiosk in the middle of a busy highstreet.

                You've been spoilt if they're overcooked rather than pulled from a freezer,
                bunged in a microwave for 10 seconds and then quickly covered in all the things
                you were about to ask them not to put on.
          • waldek1610 Re: English sandwiches are bad, lunchmeat uneatab 13.02.06, 08:20
            usenetposts napisał:

            > To make an English sandwich, the correct way to slice the bread is
            diagonally.

            Dave,
            Just as you said cutting the slice of bread diagonally is characteristic of the
            English sandwich.

            In Poland most loaf of breads are oval and rounded off, and never square, with
            axeption of graham bread. Therefore if the slice is oval, it would not make
            sense to cut the bread diagonally, instead the slice of bread is cut in
            half...this is simple Polska kanapka...

            > For more class, cut the crusts off and add some chips to the side as a
            garnish.

            This is strange, as the crispy crust (chrupiaca skorka) is considered the one
            ot the best parts of the bread in Poland....


            > This is known as a "club sandwich", for the effect that it has.

            Oh, so this is where you get this ..English speech "nuances" from (I call it
            trash talk). Fascinating!
            --
            Polska jest w moim sercu!
          • russh Re: English sandwiches are bad, lunchmeat uneatab 13.02.06, 10:15
            To make an English sandwich, the correct way to slice the bread is diagonally.
            For more class, cut the crusts off and add some chips to the side as a garnish.
            This is known as a "club sandwich", for the effect that it has.

            A "club sanwich" to me is a double-decker. Nothing to do with the filling or
            garnishing.
          • rychonyc2 Re: English sandwiches are bad, lunchmeat uneatab 14.02.06, 21:44
            Gee, this sounds discussing..Boiled eggs, butter, salad cream...It's a recipe 4
            heart attack, if anything...Just read some stuff about Britts being most obese
            among all European nations...Not that Americans r any better, but gee...boiled
            eggs, butter, salad cream, no I can't....Anyway Dave, u either have a great
            metabolism or u must b a one heavy D.... Later.
    • russh Re: English sandwiches are bad, lunchmeat uneatab 11.02.06, 09:54
      waldek1610 napisał:

      > This got to be somehow hard to swallow for Dave who believes that there's
      > only way of "proper sandwich making"..namely English, which the reality seems
      > to prove otherwise.
      >
      > All Poles who work in Britain agree to one thing; British food for most part
      > is uneatable, and their sausages and the lunchmeat is one of the worst in the
      > World. Hard to believe given the fact that certain Earl of Sandwich is
      > credited with inventing a sandwich.
      >
      > Dave, can you elaborate little more on the "proper sandwich making"?


      You sure know how to ask a question.
      • waldek1610 Re: English sandwiches are bad, lunchmeat uneatab 11.02.06, 11:09
        russh napisał:

        > You sure know how to ask a question.

        Yes, I wished other knew how to give straightfoward answers as well, without
        beating around the bush or pretending to be offended.

        PS. I can tell that this time, like always someone going to try to change the
        subject by; making president Bush out of the "bush"...
        --
        Polska jest w moim sercu!
      • waldek1610 Secret ingredient 13.02.06, 08:33
        kylie1 napisała:

        > German deli is good too but the Polish still deli wins hands down. smile

        This is so characteristic of Americans and Brits who love different ethnic
        foods but the admiration of all things foriegn stop on food and other tangible
        goods.

        I only wished that those Polish sandwiches that you said you like so much,
        would make you think Polish and agree with me more ofthen as well smile

        They should add to kielbasa sold in the West some Slav agent PIS#1, secret
        ingridient that would make you guys more Slavic..
        --
        Polska jest w moim sercu!
            • varsovian Re: Secret ingredient 13.02.06, 11:58
              Stomach cancer statistics don't lie - Poles kill directly themselves with their
              food.
              What I would say is that whereas a lot of good food is available in the
              cuisines I have come to know, many people just eat crap. Take England for
              example - I couldn't happily live on the diet most English people shovel into
              their mouths.
              • russh Re: Secret ingredient 13.02.06, 12:46
                Very very true.

                My experience in the UK is that you can eat very well. The quality of the food
                is not a great issue, but the eating habits of the people.

                I would suggest that Poland is now very similar. Many people have no time to
                eat. It is not an important part of the current culture. Italy for example is
                different (although has changed somewhat over the past few years) - it has a
                culture for good food.
                • usenetposts Re: Secret ingredient 15.02.06, 14:20
                  russh napisał:

                  > Very very true.
                  >
                  > My experience in the UK is that you can eat very well. The quality of the food
                  > is not a great issue, but the eating habits of the people.

                  I must say I always get very tasty food in the UK, but the problem is it costs
                  about twice as much as it does here to eat out.

                  Except Indian food, which works out slightly dearer here, if you want the
                  tandoori place on Marszalkowska.

                  --
                  - Uncle Davey's Homepage -
                  :: Foreigners Living in Poland Forum
                  • ianek70 Re: Indian food 15.02.06, 14:50
                    usenetposts napisał:

                    > russh napisał:
                    > Except Indian food, which works out slightly dearer here, if you want the
                    > tandoori place on Marszalkowska.

                    A lack of Indians, basically.
                    I once had an excellent meal in an Indian restaurant in (of all places)
                    Sosnowiec. It looked and sounded exactly like a typical Glasgow Indian
                    restaurant, they even had the same Indian beer, but...
                    The chef was Malaysian. I was really surprised, but the food was great, not
                    like anything I'd had before and very tasty.
                    I'll have to check it out again before I recommend it (and I can't remember
                    what it was called), then I'll start a "Food" thread.

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