IP: *.ihug.net 04.03.04, 05:49
Having fun with English

Non-English speaking countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate
with their English-speaking tourists:

1. Cocktail lounge, Norway: Ladies are requested not to have children in
the bar.

2. Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: Take one of our horse-driven city tours
We guarantee no miscarriages.

3. At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals.
If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

4. Hotel, Zurich: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex
in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

5. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are
welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers,
artists
and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

6. Doctor's office in Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases.

7. A laundry in Rome: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
afternoon having
a good time.

8. In a Nairobi restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to
see the
manager.

9. On the grounds of a Nairobi private school: No trespassing without
permission.

10. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner. Tokyo: Cools
and heats:
If you want condition of warm air in your room, please control
yourself.

11. In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

12. Hotel, Japan: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

13. In a Japanese cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers
from any
but their own graves.

14. Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeths extracted by the Latest
methodists.

15. The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work
throughout
its useful life.

16. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: Would you like to ride on
your own ass?

17. In Aamchi Mumbai restaurant: Open seven days a week, and weekends too.

18. Airline ticket office, Colombo: We take your bags and send them in all
directions.
Edytor zaawansowany
  • starypierdola 04.03.04, 19:58
    Good one!!! Jak jeszcze napiszesz cos podobnego o Kiwis to juz wszystko bedzie
    jasne ....

    What's long and hard and fucks New Zealanders?
    High School!!

    How do you make a New Zealander successfull in small business?
    Give him a large busniess!

    Regards
    SP
  • Gość: ToeToe IP: *.ihug.net 05.03.04, 07:36
    Auditor: A person sent in after the battle to stab the wounded

    Bank manager: A jerk who will lend you an umbrella when the sun is shining,
    and ask for it back when it starts to rain.

    Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

    Camel: A horse designed by a committee.

    Committee: A cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly
    strangled.
    Committee: A group that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
    Committee: The unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.

    Democracy: Three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.

    Diplomacy: The art of saying 'Nice doggie!' ... till you can find a rock.

    Diplomat: A man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers
    her age.

    Eccentric: Too rich to be called crazy.

    Economist: One who tells you what to do with your money after you've spent
    it.

    Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.

    Experience: A comb life gives you after you lose your hair.

    Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

    Honest politician: One who, when bought, stays bought.

    Insane: When you're nuts and it bothers you. (Crazy is when you're nuts and
    you like it).

    Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

    Paper clip: The larval stage of coat hangers.

    Politics: From the words 'poly' meaning 'many' and 'ticks' as in 'small,
    blood-sucking parasites'.

    Recursion: see Recursion.

    Selfishness: Not being considerate of other people's selfishness.

    Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

    Slander: To lie, or tell the truth about someone.

    Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.

    Windows 95: 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an
    8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written
    by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition

    ---------------
    cheers,
    tt
  • larson 05.03.04, 07:44
    W odpowiedzi na te liste ktora krazy w Internecie juz jakies 5 lat zamieszczam
    wlasny wklad: regulamin hotelu w Szanghaju, ktory odrecznie skopiowalem zeby
    nie umnkelo potomnym:

    Dear Guests:
    We are very pleasure of you to choose our Hansen Hotel. Because of the
    hotel's regulation, so please don't take anything such as linen and vessel out
    of the hotel.

    No guest is allowed to up anyone for the night or let anyone use his/her own
    bed in the hotel.

    No birds, domestic animals or other unsnairy articles are allowed to be brought
    into the hotel.

    No inflammable (....) articles are allowed to be carried into the hotel.

    It is impermissible to install electrical equipments or use electrical heaters
    such as electrical stove, microvawe stove, etc. in the guest room.

    Strictly forbid any illegal and criminal activities such as fighting, gambling,
    drug taking or prostitution in the hotel. No guest should put up or circulate
    salacious books, pictures, photos, nor play such a recordings or videos.

    And drinking excessively making great noise or playing recorder loudly in the
    hotel is forbidden.

    The authority of the hotel has the right to reason with anyone who has violated
    regulations mentioned above.

    --
    LARSON, Lifelike Android Responsible for Sabotage and Online Nullification
  • dreptak2k 05.03.04, 11:06
    larson napisał:

    > The authority of the hotel has the right to reason with anyone who has
    violated
    >
    > regulations mentioned above.
    >
    Brzmi troche jak z Ojca Chrzesnego - Reason with him!
  • emre_baran 05.03.04, 10:37
    W razie podrozy na (przy uzyciu WINDY) wszczyt wierzy niejakieg Alfa w Stolicy
    Jewropejskiej Komuny mozna przeczytac ze sie uprasza zeby uwazac bo dzwi w/w
    moga nas PINCH.

    Pronunciation: 'pinch
    Etymology: Middle English, from (assumed) Old North French pinchier, from
    (assumed) Vulgar Latin pinctiare transitive senses

    W zasadzie to nie mam pojecia czy to popraweni czy nie. Byc moze ma to cos
    wspolnego ze swiatowa konspiracja zabojadzka dotyczaca wysuszonych na wiur
    starych pierodlow w bereatch z antekach i okruchami bulki we wasach co [nie
    mylicz z szacownym starympierdola], ktorych zaobserwowac mozna przy szczypicych
    w dupska nastolatki wizytjace z drogiej strony kanalu i zaraz poz zajscui
    wydzierajacych sie ZEE DOORrrr! ZE DOR MADAM!
  • dreptak2k 05.03.04, 11:19
    Wprawdzie wyczytane ale prawdziwe:

    "Free bacteria" na butelce wody mineralnej w Wietnamie.

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