1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know which one.
2. You have never been to The Tower or Madame Tussauds but love Brighton.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Shepherds
Bush to Elephant & Castle at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but
can't find Dorset on a map.
4. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
5. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Smoke."
6. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
7. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a garden.
8. You complain about having to mow it.
9. You know where Karl Marx is buried.
10. You consider Essex the "countryside"
11. You think Hyde Park is "nature."
12. You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking.
13. You're paying £1,200 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in
wardrobe and you think it's a bargain.
14. You've been to Tooting twice and got hopelessly lost both times.
15. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.K.
pay in rent.
16. You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went
camping as a kid.
17. You pay £3 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.
18. You scoff at zone 4 crowd even though you were raised in a farm town
with a population of 57.
19. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
20. You haven't cooked a meal since helping mum last Christmas with the
21. You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
22. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
23. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
24. You don't really hear sirens anymore.
25. You wouldn't want to live anywhere else - until you get married.