bleman
04.07.06, 20:45
Nice Guy Syndrome" is a folk psychology term describing an adult male who
seeks sexual attraction and romantic intimacy, but only finds cordial
friendship and platonic love. The term originates from a type of platitude
said to be heard by such men ("You're a really nice guy and all, but...").
Several dating gurus discuss this phenomenon and attempt to offer solutions
for it.
The "nice guy" is described as a pleasant, intelligent and highly considerate
male and with low or misguided confidence (especially with women). These
traits often lead to afflicted men being a very good listener, and articulate
and expressive speakers. They are also more negatively polite than their
peers. Such men are often frustrated, if not indignant, about their romantic
trouble.
One theory about the origin of the syndrome is that it results from the
affected males having a false perception of what "nice girls" (the women they
desire) want in a lover. They usually believe that these women want their men
to be intelligent and highly considerate of their needs. Conversely, they
believe these women dislike stupidity and arrogance, abhor misogyny and
violence expressed towards them, and place less value on physical
attractiveness, muscular strength, cardiovascular endurance, and confidence
than other women .
However, this view is misguided. "Nice girls" are not as different from normal
as perceived. While they do tend to value the "nice" attributes, it is mainly
on a platonic level. A "nice guy" who does not also have traits deemed
sexually attractive is a likely sufferer of the syndrome. If he does have
these traits, he might not even be considered a "nice guy", no matter how nice
he is.
When a "nice girl" type friend of a "nice guy" enters into an intimate
relationship with a relatively chauvinistic or abusive male, the "nice guy" is
often highly confused or upset. This mental anguish occurs because he cannot
reconcile his understanding of women with his vastly different experience. Yet
despite the disparity, his erroneous belief does not change
isis.fastmail.usf.edu/counsel/self-hlp/niceguy.htm