kamila.wil
15.03.06, 19:19
I'm 19, I study at English Teacher Training College in Warsaw (first year).
At the end of the academic year I sit the practical exam which consists of 4
parts-writing,listening, reading and speaking.
The problem is that I feel I may do rather badly - esp as far as speaking is
concerned.
That's what happened today (at Oral skills lesson):
I was to read an article from Newsweek and then report it in front of the
group. I've read it many times to make sure I understand the main points (the
topic was rather difficult - about the economy, waht should be done to make
business and nations more competitive, creative economy, service economy
etc). I've taken notes, I've underlined key sentences and so on. I felt I was
well prepared. However - when I was to speak, I don't know...

I've
forgotten everything, while speaking I've missed one point..i've got stressed
out..for a while i was silent. The teacher asked me a question to help me,
but I was so stressed that I couldn't continue, all my papers with notes were
mixed, i couldn't find the right one...i felt terrible...But I managed to
finish my "speech". When i sat i just couldn't think of anything, I was
shaking..i was at the piont of tears...I think nobady noticed this but, after
some time, I couldn't enture the strain and started to weep. I didn't wanted
to look at my friends. I felt really really bad. oh, I had to leave tha
classroom, everyone was staring at me...I don't want to think of it any
more...

And I can't imagine tomorrow's day.
Anyway, I'm very emotional. I care what people say about me, I hate speaking
in front of the class, I'm very sensitive. but, sth like this has never
happened to me before. OK, it has happened, but not in class. I know, I have
to work on it. Sometimes (today especially) I think how I can be a teacher
with such personality. Am I on the right place?
That's one problem. Anothr problem is my English. Sometimes I feel that I
have too poor vocabulary and that i make mistakes i shouldn't at this level.
Oh, I'd forgotten...this article was to be read by another person. As you
can guess he has done it perfectly. he didn't have any notes, and what he
said was compact and clear..I.."what am i doing here?"..
I have problems with expressing my thoughts, not only in English, but also in
Polish. When i'm stressed i tends to speak too fast and nobody can understand
me...I'm afraid of talking, in English especially, i'm afraid of making
mistakes. I know it's ridiculous. All of these (i'm not good enough, i make
stupid mistakes, i have poor vocabulary, i am not suitable for being a
teacher, i ...) makes me ...[i can't think of any word]
But I have to pass the exam...that;s why i need to talk in Enlish, as much as
possible. If i speak a lot, i will be more self-confident, and if i'm more
self-confident, situation like today's will not happen again (I hope) So, I'd
like to ask you, if you could devote only 1 h a week to talk with me (using
skype)? For you - it's nothing, just talking. but for me