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Gdyby restauracje działały jak Microsoft ...

09.02.03, 01:41
Kelner:
Dzień dobry. Jestem Bill i będę pańskim kelnerem do spraw technicznych. W
czym problem?

Klient:
W mojej zupie jest mucha!

Kelner:
Proszę spróbować jeszcze raz, może następnym razem nie będzie muchy.

Klient:
Nie, jest tam dalej.

Kelner:
Może to z powodu sposobu jedzenia zupy; proszę spróbować widelcem.

Klient:
Nawet jak używam widelca, w zupie dalej jest mucha.

Kelner:
Może zupa nie jest kompatybilna z talerzem; jakiego talerza pan używa?

Klient:
Talerza DO ZUPY!

Kelner:
Hmmm, to powinno działać. Może to problem z konfiguracją; jak ten talerz
został ustawiony?

Klient:
Przyniósł go pan na tacy; co to ma wspólnego z muchą w mojej zupie?

Kelner:
Czy pamięta pan, co pan robił przed zauważeniem muchy w zupie?

Klient:
Usiadłem i zamówiłem Zupę Dnia!

Kelner:
Czy myślał pan o zrobieniu upgrade zupy do najnowszej wersji Zupy Dnia?

Klient:
Macie codziennie więcej niż jedną Zupę Dnia?

Kelner:
Tak, Zupa Dnia jest zmieniana co godzinę.

Klient:
Więc jaka jest teraz Zupa Dnia?

Kelner:
Aktualną Zupą Dnia jest zupa pomidorowa.

Klient:
Dobrze. Proszę więc mi przynieść zupę pomidorową i rachunek. Spieszę się.

Kelner odchodzi i powraca z nowym talerzem zupy i rachunkiem.

Kelner:
Proszę. Zupa Dnia i rachunek.

Klient:
To jest zupa ziemniaczana.

Kelner:
Tak, zupa pomidorowa nie jest jeszcze gotowa.

Klient:
Jestem głodny, zjem już wszystko.

Kelner odchodzi.

Klient:
Kelner! W mojej zupie jest karaluch! (...)
Obserwuj wątek
    • scareface Co to jest patch? 09.02.03, 01:51
      Co to jest patch?
      Program usuwający drobne błędy w programie i dodający nowe.

      Co to jest upgrade?
      Program usuwający poważniejsze błędy i dodający nowe, równie uciążliwe.

      Co to jest nowa wersja programu?
      Jest to zmodyfikowany program zawierający błędy, których nie można było dodać
      przez patch lub upgrade.
    • da.killa Re: Gdyby restauracje działały jak Microsoft ... 09.02.03, 07:58
      After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a
      poor, incognizant user called the system maker's
      technical support line for assistance:

      Technican: Hello. How can I help you today?
      Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on
      my computer...
      Tech: Looks like you need a new power supply...
      Cust: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files...
      Tech: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply.
      You need to replace it....
      Cust: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change
      the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need
      is for you to tell me right command...

      For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's
      efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the
      customer adamantly insisted he was right. So, in
      frustration, the technican desponded...

      Tech: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers
      this, but there's an undocumented DOS command that will
      fix the problem...
      Cust: I knew it!
      Tech: Just add the line "LOAD NOSMOKE.COM" at the end of
      the CONFIG.SYS file and everything should work fine. Let
      me know how it goes...

      Ten minutes later, the technician received a call back
      from the customer...

      Cust: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking...
      Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
      Cust: MS-DOS 6.22...
      Tech: Well, that's your problem. That version of DOS
      doesn't include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft
      and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out...

      When nearly an hour passed, the phone rang again...

      Cust: I need a new power supply...
      Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
      Cust: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician
      what you had said, and he started asking me questions
      about the make of the power supply...
      Tech: What did he tell you?
      Cust: He said my power supply isn't compatible with
      NOSMOKE...
    • da.killa Unix joke 09.02.03, 07:59
      A Customer: calls a UNIX consultant with a question:

      Customer: What is the command that will tell me the
      revision code of a program ?
      UNIX Consultant: Yes, that's correct.
      Customer: No, what is it ?
      UNIX Consultant: Yes.
      Customer: So, which is the one?
      UNIX Consultant: No. 'which' is used to find the program.
      Customer: Stop this. Who are you?
      UNIX Consultant: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can
      also 'finger yoo' to get information about yoo'.
      Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code?
      UNIX Consultant: Use 'what'.
      Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that
      true?
      UNIX Consultant: No. 'true' gives you 0.
      Customer: Which one?
      UNIX Consultant: 'true' gives you 0. 'which program name'.
      Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How
      do I find it?
      UNIX Consultant: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find
      'it'. Type 'what program' to get the revision code.
      Customer: I want to find the revision code.
      UNIX Consultant: You can't 'find revision code', you must
      use 'what program'.
      Customer: Which command will do what I need?
      UNIX Consultant: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
      Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.
      UNIX Consultant: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a
      user on your system.
      Customer: Write what?
      UNIX Consultant: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
      Customer: Cut that out!
      UNIX Consultant: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'.
      Don't forget the options.
      Customer: Do you always do this?
      UNIX Consultant: 'du' will give you disk usage.
      Customer: HELP!
      UNIX Consultant: 'help' is only used for Source Code
      Control System (SCCS).
      Customer: You make me angry.
      UNIX Consultant: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did
      'make program name' when I was upset once.
      Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
      UNIX Consultant: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find
      'more'. Every system has 'more'.
      Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!
      UNIX Consultant: Understand that since 'help' is such a
      small program, it is better not to 'nice help' and 'more
      now' is not allowed but 'at now' is. Unless of course
      'now' is a file name.
      Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
      UNIX Consultant: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'.
      Let me get you to the Pascal compiler team.
    • scareface Re: Gdyby restauracje działały jak Microsoft ... 17.02.03, 14:04
      One day God was looking over creation and He decided that He wasn't really
      happy with the way things turned out. So He called the 3 most powerfull men on
      earth, Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates, to come and see Him. He told
      them that this expirement with life on earth was a failure, and that in 3 days
      He was going to end it. So basically they had 3 days to prepair their people.

      So Boris Yeltsin convenes an emergency meeting of the Russian Parliment and
      says:
      "I have bad news, and really bad news. First of all, there is a God. Secondly
      everything we have worked for since the revolution will be totally destroyed in
      3 days."

      Bill Clinton makes a State of the Union address to the American people on TV
      and says:
      "I have good news and bad news. First of all, there is a God. Secondly,
      everything we have worked for since the revolution will be destroyed in 3 days."

      Bill Gates convenes a meeting of the board of directors and says:
      "I have good news, and really good news. First of all, there is a God, and He
      spoke to me personally. Secondly, in 3 days, IBM will be destroyed."

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