Możecie poprawić błędy w tym tekście?

IP: *.internetdsl.tpnet.pl 13.09.04, 12:07
Sibling

Ok. I have a sister. She is 11 years old. When she was younger, she... Oh, I
can't remember what she was doing when she was younger but now she is as
stupid as before. For example - she makes paper-planes using my exercise-
books. While I'm writing short stories she cames into my room, lies down on
my bed and tries to talk to me. In these moments I usually say: Out! But it
makes no sense. She says that she doesn't disturb me and she won't leave my
room.
To be effective I always must put my hand on her quite long hair and throw
her out. However, when I enter her room it looks quite the other way. She
always cries out father and I have to leave her place. But, all in all, I
think she loves me as much as she can and so do I.

    • mojahead Re: Możecie poprawić błędy w tym tekście? 13.09.04, 12:46
      Gość portalu: wypierdek mamuta napisał(a):

      Sibling

      Ok. I have a sister. She is 11 years old. When she was younger, she... Oh, I
      don't remember what did she do when she was younger, but now she is as
      stupid as before. For example - she makes paper-planes using my exercise-
      books. While I'm writing short stories, she comes into my room, lies down on
      my bed, and tries to talk to me. I usually say in these moments: Out! But it
      makes no sense. She says she doesn't disturb me, and she doesn't want to leave
      my room.

      To be effective, I always must put my hand on her quite long hair and throw
      her out. However, when I enter her room, it looks quite the other way. She
      always cries: Out!!! My father and me, both of us, have to leave her place. But
      anyway, I think she loves me as much as she can, and so am I.
      • Gość: xx Re: Możecie poprawić błędy w tym tekście? IP: *.neoplus.adsl.tpnet.pl 13.09.04, 12:56
        ...she loves me... AND SO DO I.
        • quickly Co to za niewydarzony tekst!??? 13.09.04, 14:39
          No ale trudno… bierzemy sie za robote…

          “I have 11 years old sister. When she was younger, she… Oh, I can’t tell what
          she was like when she was younger but, nevertheless, I think she had to be
          silly as always. Would you believe that she makes, for example, paper-planes
          from the pages out of my exercise-book! When I’m writing short stories, she
          comes into my room, lies down on my bed and then tries talk to me. In moments
          like that, I tell her: “Get out!” But with no effect. She says that she
          doesn’t disturb me in any way and refuse to leave my room.

          Well… hmmm, in order to get rid off her, I grab my sister by her long hair and
          simply throw her out of my room. On the other hand, when I enter her room, she
          always screams and calls her father, so I have to leave her place immediately.
          All in all, I believe that we love each other.”

          Moze ktos potrafi cos dodac do tego tekstu, wskazac na bledy i wypaczenia?
          Chetnie przyjme kazda konstruktywna krytyke.
          • innes Re: Co to za niewydarzony tekst!??? 14.09.04, 16:06
            Jeszcze jedna poprawka:

            > “I have 11 years old sister. When she was younger, she… Oh, I can't tell what
            > she was like when she was younger but, nevertheless, I think she had to be
            > silly as always. Would you believe that she makes, for example, paper-planes
            >
            > from the pages out of my exercise-book! When I’m writing short stories, s
            > he
            > comes into my room, lies down on my bed and then tries TO talk to me. In
            moments
            > like that, I tell her: “Get out!” but with no effect. She says th
            > at she
            > doesn’t disturb me in any way and refuseS to leave my room.
            >
            > Well… hmmm, in order to get rid off her, I grab my sister by her long hai
            > r and
            > simply throw her out of my room. On the other hand, when I enter her room, she
            >
            > always screams and calls her father, so I have to leave her place
            immediately.
            >
            > All in all, I believe that we love each other.”
            • miilusia Re: Co to za niewydarzony tekst!??? 15.09.04, 04:16
              innes napisała:

              "makes no sense" - nie ma sensu, quicklego "effect" jest bardzo dobrze dobrane.

              raczej tutaj nie pasuje
          • Gość: Ramelov Re: Co to za niewydarzony tekst!??? IP: *.leczna.dialup.inetia.pl 15.09.04, 02:12
            'I have an eleven-year-old sister'
            That's more like it IMHO. Or 'My sister is eleven years old'
          • miilusia Re: Co to za niewydarzony tekst!??? 15.09.04, 04:14
            quickly napisał:

            > No ale trudno… bierzemy sie za robote…
            >
            > “I have 11 years old sister. When she was younger, she… Oh, I can&
            > #8217;t tell what
            > she was like when she was younger but, nevertheless, I think she had to be
            > silly as always. Would you believe that she makes, for example, paper-
            planes
            >
            > from the pages out of my exercise-book! When I’m writing short stories, s
            > he
            > comes into my room, lies down on my bed and then tries talk to me. In moments
            > like that, I tell her: “Get out!” But with no effect. She says th
            > at she
            > doesn’t disturb me in any way and refuse to leave my room.
            >
            > Well… hmmm, in order to get rid off her, I grab my sister by her long hai
            > r and
            > simply throw her out of my room. On the other hand, when I enter her room,
            she
            >
            > always screams and calls her father, so I have to leave her place
            immediately.
            >
            > All in all, I believe that we love each other.”
            >
            > Moze ktos potrafi cos dodac do tego tekstu, wskazac na bledy i wypaczenia?
            > Chetnie przyjme kazda konstruktywna krytyke.

            Quickly, dostales 5+, oprocz get rid "of" ale pewnie to typo error :-)))
          • Gość: pienaar Re: Co to za niewydarzony tekst!??? IP: *.ols.vectranet.pl 16.09.04, 21:13
            "grab my sister by her long hair" w/g mnie cos jest nie tak bo mowi sie "grab sth" wiec ja bym napisał "grab my sister's long hair".Poza tym "believe ME" "tries To talk", "get rid OF her", "have to leave immediately". All in all, dałbym Quickly,hmmmm, 4-.pozdr
            • demicjusz Re: Co to za niewydarzony tekst!??? 16.09.04, 21:28
              www.google.pl/search?hl=pl&ie=UTF-8&q=%22grab+my+sister+by%22&btnG=Szukaj&lr=
      • miilusia Re: Możecie poprawić błędy w tym tekście? 15.09.04, 04:35
        mojahead napisał:

        > Ok. I have a sister. She is 11 years old. When she was younger, she... Oh, I
        > don't remember what did she do when she was younger, but now she is as
        > stupid as before. For example - she makes paper-planes using my exercise-
        > books. While I'm writing short stories, she comes into my room, lies down on
        > my bed, and tries to talk to me. I usually say in these moments: Out! But it
        > makes no sense. She says she doesn't disturb me, and she doesn't want to
        leave
        > my room.
        >
        > To be effective, I always must put my hand on her quite long hair and throw
        > her out. However, when I enter her room, it looks quite the other way. She
        > always cries: Out!!! My father and me, both of us, have to leave her place.

        - nie lepiej "have to put"
        - "looks quite the other way" jakos nie pasuje, moze napisac,
        "it is a different kettle of fish"
        - my father and "I" - ludzie uzywaja "me" potocznie ale nie jest to poprawne.



        > anyway, I think she loves me as much as she can, and so am I.

        - and so do I.
        • quickly O jezu... 15.09.04, 05:01
          ...a tak mi serce bilo jak otwieralem Twoje wpisy!
          I was prepared for the worst! I'm BEING honest!

          A tu co? 5+!!!! High distinction!
          Chyba oszaleje!

          miilusia, no nie, ide sobie zrobic jeszcze jedna herbate, bo chyba naprawde cos
          sie ze mna dzieje... :))))
          • miilusia Re: O jezu... 15.09.04, 05:06
            quickly napisał:

            > ...a tak mi serce bilo jak otwieralem Twoje wpisy!
            > I was prepared for the worst! I'm BEING honest!
            >
            > A tu co? 5+!!!! High distinction!
            > Chyba oszaleje!

            No widzisz jestes uczniem robiacym blyskawiczne postepy, a to najwazniejsze.
            One should always strive to do better.
        • miilusia Re: Możecie poprawić błędy w tym tekście? 15.09.04, 05:04
          miilusia napisała:

          >put my hand on her quite long hair and thr

          Nie, tutaj wylacznie pasuje co napisal quickly: ...grab ..itd
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