omarta
25.11.04, 14:48
The Real Man Test
Note: This is a test for men only and up till now it
seems that all "real men" have answered "C" to all of
the questions. While we will never know how you will
respond, I just felt that you should know what the
'norm' has been so far. In light of that, women are
encouraged to read it as it has been prosposed that we
will benefit by reviewing these questions thus coming
closer to understanding men. Supposedly this
knowledge will enrich our lives. (yeah right!)
Now onto the test!
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit
the Earth, and you are the first human they
encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship,
they present you with a small but incredibly
sophisticated device that is capable of curing all
disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy,
wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently
eliminating oppression and violence all over the
entire Earth.
You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United
Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your
youthful life do you miss the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection
without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and
this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him
know that, for business reasons, you have to have him
killed.
4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
5. You have been seeing a woman for several years.
She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy
being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two
of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football
game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out
of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she
really loves
you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of
not knowing where your relationship is going. She says
she's not asking whether you want to get married; only
whether you believe that you have some kind of future
together. What do
you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a
future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for
her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready
anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you
don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw
play on third and seventeen.
6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a
woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with
her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to
offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her
after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you
say her name, and
when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing
through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell
her.
C. Tell her what?
7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill
and asks you to get your three children ready for
school. Your first question to her is:
A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"
8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran
underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and
developed new holes so large that you're not sure
which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected
underwear molecules and has to be handled with
tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A
real guy checks the garbage regularly in case
somebody, and we are not naming names, (but this would
be his wife) is quietly trying to discard his
underwear.
9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable
explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites
all over the place for forty years before they finally
got to the Promised Land?
A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised
Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.
10. What is the human race's single greatest
achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.
