Compjiddish

[Gość: DrFinkl]

Chelm personalities
Chelm was known for its wonderful variety of characters. First there was Yossel
the shoemaker. One day the wise men of Chelm decided to do something about
people worrying all the time. "Let's go to Yossel and ask him to worry for the
rest of us. We will pay him one kopeck a week for taking upon himself the whole
town's burden." Yossel thought about if for a few minutes. "It's a good idea,
but if I had a kopek a week what would I have to worry about?"

The Rabbi's assistant was known for his forthrightness. One day a man died in
the market place and the Rabbi asked him to go to the poor man's wife and break
the news to her. "But," cautioned the Rabbi, "Do it gently." The assistant
knocked on the door. "Does the widow Rachel live here?" "My name is Rachel but
I'm not a widow." "You want to bet?" he asked.

Berel the Beadle - One day much to the surprise of the community the charity
box was broken into and the money was stolen. "What do we do?" they all cried,
wringing their hands. Berel was called in to solve the problem. "I know, let's
suspend the box from the ceiling with a string, this way no one can steal it."
It seemed like a good idea until they realized no one could put money into it
either. "I know," continued Beryl, "I'll put up a ladder so anyone who wants to
can put money in." "But what do we do about the old people who can't lift the
ladder?" He thought and thought and came up with the perfect solution. He
fastened the ladder to the floor and to the ceiling thus securing it tightly.

Zelig the wanderer - each town has its dreamer, someone who wishes he could
know what it would be like living somewhere else. So it was with the tailor,
Reb Zelig. Whenever a traveler would pass through he would sit at his feet and
drink in every word like old wine, turning it round and round and savoring
every taste.

One day he had enough and informed his wife he was on his way to Warsaw to see
the great city. He put on his worn-through shoes, took a small bundle, and set
off. After a few hours he came to a signpost. One side pointed to Chelm and the
other to Warsaw.

Since he was hungry, he sat and ate his wife's sandwich, relaxing in the warm
sun. How can you eat a good meal and not rest? So he decided to take a
nap. "Ah, but how will I know which way it is to Warsaw when I awake?" he
thought. "I know, I'll put my shoes under the sign pointing to Warsaw." With
that brilliant thought he dozed off. While he was sleeping a beggar came along
and looking at the shoes decided to take them, but after picking them up and
seeing their condition he dropped them back, only this time they were pointing
back at Chelm.

Reb Zelig woke up, put on his shoes and proceeded in the direction they
pointed. Soon he noticed a village coming up. His face lit up. "It must be
Warsaw," he exclaimed to himself, his pace quickening. "I wonder what kind of
people live there?"

As he approached he noticed that the layout of the town looked similar to
Chelm. Not only that, the potholes in the streets were also just like
Chelm. "Hmm," he thought, "If I didn't know better..." As he entered he was
astonished to see someone just like Shloime the fishmonger. "How's it going?"
Shloime called out. "What friendly people," Zelig thought. He looked up and saw
the synagogue. "How very strange," he kept thinking. He turned the corner and
saw a street which was a carbon copy of his street. And what's this? There was
a small boy playing in the mud who looked just like his Moishele.

As he stood watching a woman came out and began shouting. "Zelig you fool, stop
standing there, dinner is ready." "Not only does she look like Sarah, she yells
like her too. Such a wonder." Sure enough the food was as tasteless as it
always was. "Unbelievable," he thought.

All night Zelig thought long and hard and came to the only conclusion possible.
Warsaw was an exact copy of Chelm, even to the people. So now since he has no
money left for the trip back he will remain, only he is a little worried. What
will he do when the real Zelig comes home?

And finally the Rabbi, for if all of Chelm is wise surely he is the wisest.

One day the Rabbi was called to the neighboring town of Lublin for a Rabbinical
Conference. Each of the rabbis tried to show how brilliant their powers were.
The Rabbi of Lublin asked a riddle. "Who is my father's son but he is not my
brother?" The other rabbis thought, but couldn't come up with the answer. "Me,"
replied the Rabbi triumphantly. The Rabbi of Chelm was very impressed with the
riddle and couldn't wait to get home to tell it to his congregation.

That Friday night after his speech the people asked him to share some of the
wisdom he had picked up at the conference. "OK," said the Rabbi, shaking back
and forth and stroking his long grey beard, "Listen carefully, I am going to
ask you a riddle. Who is this? He's my father's son but he's not my brother."
The people of Chelm thought and thought, each one trying for an answer, but
finally they all turned to the Rabbi. "We give up," they acknowledged.

"Simple," replied the wise sage, "He is the Rabbi of Lublin."

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