andrewvo
02.01.15, 17:27
I, Roommate
We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral! I don't want to be rescued. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.
Noooooo!
Oh, you're a dollar naughtier than most.
No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don't own!
Xmas Story
Oh, I don't have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? But existing is basically all I do! You've killed me! Oh, you've killed me! Ow, my spirit! No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don't own!
Anthology of Interest I
For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. And why did 'I' have to take a cab? With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun! Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.
And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet.
Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages!
Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles
Leela's gonna kill me. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Take me to your leader! I'm just glad my fat, ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.
Brannigan, Begin Again
Ooh, name it after me! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical fire. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop. Check it out, y'all. Everyone who was invited is here.
Ugh, it's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Robot 1-X, save my friends! And Zoidberg! Who are those horrible orange men? I guess because my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though! Guess again. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.
No. We're on the top. Oh, you're a dollar naughtier than most. Ok, we'll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we'll go ride the bumper cars. Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers?
And from now on you're all named Bender Jr. Bender, quit destroying the universe! I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him.
Michelle, I don't regret this, but I both rue and lament it. Yes! In your face, Gandhi! What are their names? No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires! It must be wonderful.
I'm a thing. And when we woke up, we had these bodies. Noooooo! Is the Space Pope reptilian!? You can see how I lived before I met you.
Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn't you just get me the death penalty? I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. I just told you! You've killed me! Soon enough. We're rescuing ya. You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.
Is the Space Pope reptilian!? Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems. You've killed me! Oh, you've killed me! Look, last night was a mistake. No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don't own! No, just a regular mistake.
And remember, don't do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Shut up and get to the point! You know, I was God once. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from intestinal parasites? I'll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing.
What's with you kids? Every other day it's food, food, food. Alright, I'll get you some stupid food. I am Singing Wind, Chief of the Martians. Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography.
But I've never been to the moon! And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. And until then, I can never die?
Now what? Belligerent and numerous. Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "Straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments." Oh yeah, good luck with that.
Your best is an idiot! WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT! If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don't wanna be right.
Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "Straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments." Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? Large bet on myself in round one. Why would a robot need to drink? Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died.
I was all of history's great robot actors - Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny! My fellow Earthicans, as I have explained in my book 'Earth in the Balance'', and the much more popular ''Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth', we need to defend our planet against pollution. Also dark wizards. Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates… PUNY HUMAN NUMBER ONE, PUNY HUMAN NUMBER TWO, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him.
