limeryki naukowe

[Gość: Onufry]

LIMERYK O KOPERNIKU

Kopernik w Bolonii swa pisal dysertacje:
"Czy tutaj mam urzadzic doktorska libacje?"
Policzyl dokladnie,
gdzie taniej wypadnie -
udal sie na pociag (do Ferrary), na stacje.


(Jak juz pisalem w jednym z poprzednich postow,
Kopernik uzyskal tytul doktora na Uniwersytecie
w Ferrarze, mimo, ze wiekszosc studiow odbyl
w Bolonii).



PS. do autora/autorki poprzedniego postu: Mickiewicza mozna podciagnac
pod "nauke o literaturze" - wszak wykladal on na College de France :-)

[Gość: Onufry]

LIMERYK O KOPERNIKU

Z Torunia Kopernik
pragnal spozyc piernik.
Wstrzymal Slonce, ruszyl Ziemie
(piernik zjadlo polskie plemie -
sprawe juz bada NIK).

[albacor]

Słynny Kopernik klął życie uczone
Obracając swe sfery w każdą stronę
"i cóż sfery niebieskie
jak życie jest pieskie"
Obróciłbym raczej jakąś matronę

[Gość: Onufry]

LIMERYK O KOPERNIKU

Myslal Kopernik, ze Retyk
to Lutra tajny heretyk.
Zamiast "Revolutionibus",
dal mu przepis na kuskus.
Watykan orzekl ... : "O rety!"

[kilosera]

Bez-względność

Rzekł raz fizyk w przypływie szczerości
Nie rozumiem Teorii Względności
Czy w układzie ruchomym
Czy też śnie nieświadomym
Czas tak samo zbliża mnie ku starości.

ze strony: mentat.salon24.pl/1084,Limeryki,tag.html

[Gość: Onufry]

LIMERYK O KOPERNIKU

Idzie pogloska, ze w Bolonii
Kopernik za dziwkami gonil.
Ale tamtejsze kobity
mialy ... trudne orbity;
slonce wstrzymal - ich nie dogonil!

[Gość: Onufry]

LIMERYK O KOPERNIKU

Przejazdem we Wiedniu, Mikolaj Kopernik
spozyl Kaesekuchen (wiec tamtejszy sernik).
Po chwili zadumy
rzekl z uczucien dumy:
"Nicht schlecht. Aber Nichts ueber TORUNSKI PIERNIK!"

[Gość: Onufry]

LIMERYK O KOPERNIKU

Z raportu inspektora NIKu:
"O Mikolaju Koperniku:
To naruszenie prawa (i szczyt dranstwa),
ze nie podzielil sie ze Skarbem Panstwa,
zyskiem z naukowego wyniku!"

[Gość: mathematician]

A go-go lap dancer, a pip,
Was able to peel in a zip.
But she read science fiction,
And died of constriction,
Attempting a Mobius strip.

(Bill Taylor, New Zeland)

[Gość: mathematician]

From: Mathwoman199436#NoSpam.aol.com

MATH 101 LIMERICKS
(meaning, precalc and finance math, required math course for all students
at some universities)

(Quadratics)
A fair maid from North Minneapolis
was an expert at drawing parabolas.
She extended their arms
and showed off their charms
and they looked positively fabulous.

(Cost Analysis)
The cost of producing is mixed.
Part of that cost will be fixed
and the rest, never-ending
on level depending
(or maybe on politics).

(Rational Functions)
Said your favorite Zada or Tante
"for an assymptote horizonta
"you need to both both
"of the leading coeff's
"whether or not you wanta."

(Exponential Functions)
The bottom is perfectly noble
but x is now upwardly mobile
so that constant, poor dear
must downsize its carweer
and it's feeling a bit claustrophob-al.

These guys are as busy as beavers.
They've got Monday morning fever.
They just grow, grow, and grow.
They're NEVER zero
and they don't remain one for long, either.

cdn.

[Gość: mathematician]

(Logarithms)
Do logs give you logarrhea?
Is a logjam drawing near?
Just use your cerdentials
and take exponentials
to make those ol' logs disappear.

(Matrix multiplication)
Just pair off each row with each column.
Take the sums of those products so solemn.
Then beat the odds
with those scalar prods
or whatever the devil you call 'em.

(Compound interest)
"Nothing succeeds like success,"
as these formulas show with finesses.
Thus again and again
A gets bigger with n
though not quite as big as you'd guess.

(Annuities)
And now here's another fine source
(to tickle your brains in this course)
of mo' and mo' dough.
It's dough a go-go.
Oh, don't you just wish it was yours?

CALC

(Product Rule)
Diff-ing x to the x is fun.
change the n to n-l
then go back to n
and use it again
in front of it all, and you're done.

cdn.

[Gość: mathematician]

There's a general rule for all this
(in case we have a pop quiz):
n steps down two ways
for the rest of its days
and x remains right where it is.

(Calc applications)
"Than receive, 'tis better to give."
Also, "live, live, and let live."
These are words to clutch
but not as much
as "velocity equals deriv."

(General Power Rule)
Are you bored with powers of x?
What would you like to do next?
Some powers of g
will do quite nicely
but watch out for the special effects.

(Product Rule)
Don't forget, f appears twice.
g will behave likewise.
If you make like a dunce
and write them just once. . .
well, you'll get what you get for half-price?

Said a wiseguy named Georgie O-Porgie
"Let's have a Quotient Rule orgy.
"On top, to be nice
"g appears twice
"and then on the bottom one more g."

cdn.

[Gość: mathemtician]

(Chair Rule)
Rinky, dinky, dinky.
g provies the link-y.
But the x and the f
are not to be left
unless you run out of ink-y.

(Curve Sketching)
There was a young man named Kareem
who explained, "For a point rel-extreme
"the tangent at a
"to rest must lay
"and I wish it the pleasantest dream."

(integrating Powers of x)
There's general rule for all this
(and it's something you don't want to miss):
n moves up and down
without making a sound
and x stays right where it is.

(Integrating Exponentials)
And now here's a grave admonition
delivered with proper precision:
It's about that ol' k.
k steps down ONE way
and the x doesn't go where it isn't.

Minus one is a special case
delicious and dainty as lace.
So don't play the hero.
Don't divide by zero.
If you do, be sure to erase.

cdn.

[Gość: mathematician]

(Solids of revolution)
a strappin' young woman named Evvie
was handed a solid of rev-vy
and asked for the volume.
She answered, quite solemn
"It's not very big but it's heavy."

(Integrations tecnniques, "sine-saving")
Said a technique freak named Zeek
"if you think sine-saving is chic
"and you want to save
"yourself into the grave
"try cos and tang and sec."

(Derivatives of trig functions)
A darling named Clementine
said "First sine, then cos, then sine
"and the minus and plus
"make things even wuss.
"Can't it make up its mind?"

(Trig-triggers

[Gość: mathematician]

(Improper integrals)
Said a ship-shape chap from the congo
"Since our area's infinitely long-o
"it's likely that you'd
"be inclined to conclude
"that it's infinitebig, but you're wrong-o."

(Separable Eff Eq

[Gość: mathematician]

(nth roots of unity)
There are n of them sprawled on a wheel.
Among them at most two are real.
The others must go
half above, half below.
But they get paired off in the dea.

e to the z is exotic
and it changes a sum to a product.
It has no root
but it's kind of cute
and it's vertically periodic.

A young man named Kenny macKenzie
had trouble computing ln z.
He breezed through the r-part
with the slickness of pop-art
but the theta-part gave him a frenzy.

Here's the key to z to the c:
It's just e to the c ln z.
But watch for ln y.
Its values are many
thought sometimes e makes them agree.

(sin and cos, revisited)
In trig and calc all through
one was the limit we knew.
But now we're set free.
Now we can be
anything we desire such as two.

cdn.

[Gość: mathematician]

How smart the conditions of C-R.
They're almost as brilliant as we are.
But they're known for their sly-ness.
Watch out for that minus
or we'll spend half the night in the E.R.

(more about the C-R conditions)
Here they come, hot off the griddle
spiffy and spicy and little.
One sports a plus
the other mi-nus
and none of them sports the middle.

The research team Cauchy and Goursat
was busting its brain and its torso..
They went huffin' and puffin
but came up with nothin'.
Now they're living on noodles and orzo.

The pretty professor from Jersey
just stood there and pleaded for mercy.
She said "in complex
"v-y equals u-x --
"or maybe it's vice-vers-y."

i after e after u
after pi after n after 2
after p'renthesis ln
and then no more spellin'
unless we cah find something new.
(Thanks to student Bob Blackard for getting me started on this one.)

cdn.

[Gość: mathematician]

The pretty professor's a rarity
her lectures the height of clarity.
Except that when
she does minus-1- to the n
n turns out to be the wrong parity.

Yes, the pretty professor, our rarity
was engulfed in hyper-hilarity
'cause again she had spun
a spare minus-one.
She said, "Well, we can give it to charity."

(About the integral of f(z) over (z - z-nought) to the n, over a closed
contour con-
taining z-nought)
When C's end is at its beginnin'
ask "Is z-nouight out'n or in'n?"
Draw the point, draw the curve.
Then stand back and observe.
If in doubt, get a second opin'on.

Computing it's easy as pie
(especially if you try).
There's a derivation
and an exclamation
and don't forget two pi i.

An industrious lad from the near East
was summing a long Taylor series.
By the twentieth head
he just shrugged and said
"That's as far as I go, my dearies."

cdn.

[Gość: mathematician]

Geometric ser's are a gem.
But let's add that little m --
OUTSIDE, if you please
the parentheses.
Did you hope I'd forget about them?

The Last of those spunky Mohicans
was at work on a long Cauchy sequence.
It was i pi y
from Mon to Fri
and he took it back home on the weekends.

Can you count? Then here's one for you:
One less z to the minus-two.
Write 1, 2, 3
then blank, z, z
and the powers and the plus signs, too.

a fair-maid from North Miami
was at work on the triple-whammy.
She tried subtraction
and partial fractions
then she called for her pappy and mammy.

A lazy young lad named Laurent-o
used his series to integrate pronto.
Just b-one will do
and as for b-two
you need only find that if you want to.

cdn.

Limeryki nieco naukowe o Koperniku (wyd. popr.)

[Gość: Onufry]

LIMERYKI O KOPERNIKU
(wydanie poprawione)


Z Ferrary pochodzi Ph.D.
Czy wiecie o kogo chodzi mi? -
Mikolaj Kopernik!
Wymyslil on piernik,
Ptolomueuszowi rzekl: "Phi!"


Szepcza sekretnie owe Retyki
ze mistrz Kopernik - mistrz erotyki
(a swemu dzielu tytul on dal:
"O obrotach niebianskich cial" -
by ... uzasadnic swoje wybryki).


Kopernik, na hamaku, na Wyspach Bahama
zostal zen wyrzucony przez zwyklego chama.
O ekonomii kumal (nie o teologii),
i juz wnet zrozumial - sila analogii -
na czym polega to slynne prawo Greshama.


Kopernik w Bolonii swa pisal dysertacje:
"Czy tutaj mam urzadzic doktorska libacje?"
Policzyl dokladnie,
gdzie taniej wypadnie -
udal sie na pociag (do Ferrary), na stacje.


Z Torunia Kopernik
pragnal spozyc piernik.
Wstrzymal Slonce, ruszyl Ziemie
(piernik zjadlo polskie plemie -
sprawe bada juz NIK).


Myslal Kopernik, ze Retyk
to Lutra tajny heretyk.
Zamiast "Revolutionibus",
dal mu przepis na kuskus.
Watykan westchnal ... : "O rety!"


Idzie pogloska, ze w Bolonii
Kopernik za dziwkami gonil.
Ale tamtejsze kobity
mialy ... trudne orbity;
Slonce wstrzymal - ich nie dogonil!


Przejazdem we Wiedniu, Mikolaj Kopernik
spozyl Kaesekuchen (wiec tamtejszy sernik).
Po chwili zadumy
rzekl z uczucien dumy:
"Nicht schlecht. Aber Nichts ueber TORUNSKI PIERNIK!"


Z raportu inspektora NIKu:
"O Mikolaju Koperniku:
To naruszenie prawa (i szczyt dranstwa),
ze nie rozliczyl sie ze Skarbem Panstwa,
zyskiem z naukowego wyniku!"


:-)

[Gość: Onufry]

LIMERYK O KOPERNIKU

Marcin Luter* oraz jego fani
w tezach Kopernika nie sa zakochani:
"System heliocentryczny
z Biblia jest nie-styczny,
kupy sie nie trzyma oraz jest do bani."

-----
*Teoria Kopernika zostala wysmiana i potepiona
przez Kosciol Protestancki w jeszcze wiekszym
stopniu niz uczynil to Kosciol Katolicki.
Cytat z Lutra: "Nowy astrolog chce dowiesc, ze
ziemia sie porusza, a nie niebo, Slonce i Ksiezyc.
To tak jakby ktos jadacy powozem twierdzil, ze
on siedzi w miejscu, podczas gdzy ziemia i drzewa
maszeruja. Idiotyzm!"

Limeryki naukowe: Kopernik

[Gość: Onufry]

LIMERYK O KOPERNIKU

Wpatrzony w oczeta cud-siksy,
Kopernik gdzies zgubil elipsy*.
A niech to cholera! -
gdzie Prawa Keplera?!
(a wszystko przez siksy tej tipsy...)

-----
*Bledem w modelu Kopernika bylo twierdzenie, ze planety poruszaja sie
wokol Slonca po orbitach kolowych. Kepler odkryl, ze orbity te sa
elipsami; jest to zawarte w 3 Prawach Keplera, ktore stanowia poczatek
nowozytnej nauki.

[kilosera]

Mikołaj Kopernik raz z rana
obserwował Aldebarana*.
Stąd się wzięła wiara,
że teoria stara**
jest jakaś mocno porąbana!

*Aldebaran - gwiazda
**tzn. geocentryczna

[Gość: mathematician]

Remember school math(s)? Remember quadratic equations?

Right! Read:- 'a2' below as "a squared"
'b2' below as "b squared" etc.

If a = b (so I say) [a = b]
And we multiply both sides by a
Then we'll see that a2 [a2 = ab]
When with ab compared
Are the same. Remove b2. OK? [a2-b2 = ab-b2]


Both sides we will factorize. See?
Now each side contains a - b. [(a+b)(a-b) = b(a-b)]
We'll divide through by a
Minus b and olé
a + b = b. Oh whoopee! [a+b = b]


But since I said a = b
b + b = b you'll agree? [b+b = b]
So if b = 1
Then this sum I have done [1+1 = 1]
Proves that 2 = 1. Q.E.D.


From: Karen (REMOVEbruceandkaren#NoSpam.erols.com)

;-)

[Gość: mathematician]

Limeryk na podobny temat:

From: Moshe Zadka <moshez#NoSpam.math.h..i.ac.il>

Using only a chalk and a board
A mathematician once showed
That two plus two equals five
Just to keep math alive
And the audience sure wasn't bored!

[amifrida]

Idź sie leczyć, mathematicien.
Albo pisz po polsku!

[Gość: mathematician]

ja slabo mowic po polski ale sprubowac pani odpowiedzic

tu sa limeryki NAUKOWE, nauka jest rzecz miedzynarodowa (nie tylko
polska), my w nauce uzywamy cztery jezyki: angielski, francuski,
germanski i rosyjski - to sa jezyki kongresowe

- i w tym watek mozna by byly one urzywane

(ja wczoraj byc u doktora i on mnie powiedziec, ze ja zdrowy jak RYDZ,
nie wim co to ten rydz, ale moja polska kobita mowi, ze to OK)

:-)

[Gość: mathematician]

Pal Erdos to jedna z najbarwniejszych postaci w matematyce
XX wieku. Patrz:

pl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Erd%C5%91s
oraz:

www.wiw.pl/delta/pal_erdos.asp

Byl on znany z tego, ze lubil publikowac wazne wyniki matematyczne
w drugo- albo i trzeciorzednych czasopismach. Temu upodobaniu
Erdosa poswiecony jest limeryk:


A conjecture both deep and profound
Is whether the circle is round.
In a paper of Erdös
Written in Kurdish
A counterexample is found.

(Leo Moser)

Po przeczytaniu tego limeryka, Erdos probowal publikowac w czasopismach
kurdyjskich, ale ... nie znalazl zadnego :-)

[Gość: Onufry]

(to jest moja reakcja na wczesniejszy post Laenii)

Obiecalem nie opowiadac; robie wyjatek. Z czym sie Pani
kojarzy nick "Onufry"? Moze z Janem Onufrym Zagloba? Byla
to postac wszedobylska, gadatliwa. Malo powiedziec: gadatliwa.
To o czym on opowiadal mialo zwykle dosc luzny zwiazek
z rzeczywistoscia :-) Byl to osobnik o kosmicznej wprost
fantazji. Niech Pani czyta moje posty, pamietajac o tym.

A gdzie mi przy tym do Onufrego Zagloby - Niderlandow przeciez
Pani nie ofiarowalem :-)

Pozdr.
O.

[kilosera]

Onufry Zagloba nie grzeszyl tez odwaga...

[Gość: NIE Onufry]

Radze popatrzec na zarchiwizowane watki typu "Humor w Nauce i SZtuce". Mamy tu z
powrotem Onufrego i Ewe, tyle, ze pod innymi nickami.

[kilosera]

Moglby jakos lepiej wykorzystac te swoja fantazje, np. napisac
ksiazke.

[Gość: Onufry]

Gość portalu: NIE Onufry napisał(a):

> Radze popatrzec na zarchiwizowane watki typu "Humor w Nauce i SZtuce". Mamy tu
> z
> powrotem Onufrego i Ewe, tyle, ze pod innymi nickami.

***

EUREKA!

To, ze *** i ewa to inne nicki, nie ulega watpliwosci.
Ale to, ze Onufry i Onufry to inne nicki, to jest odkrycie na miare epoki.

Serdeczne gratulacje!
O.

[Gość: NIE Onufry]

Milo mi
("A czy ja sie umawialem z sadem o slowa, czy o melodie"?)

[Gość: Onufry]

LIMERYK O KOPERNIKU

Chodza sluchy, ze Kopernik w Padwie
obok studiow namietnosci mial dwie:
pizza pepperoni,
pasta (makaroni),
i ze spelnial je codzien ob(a)dwie.