Przeczytane w Leopardzie przy swietle termowizora

[Gość: Michal]

Darujecie ,ale smiech to zdrowie ,aby sie nam dobrze pisalo.
"Hryciuk, Heather" wrote:

SOME OF YOU WILL HAVE READ THIS BEFORE, I HAVE, BUT IT WAS FUNNY AGAIN
ANYWAY.MATH BY GENDER
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot
more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after
that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing
the same thing to them at funerals.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW
CAN HANDLE IT.

Murphy's Law of Combat

[dreaded88]

1. You are not superman.

2. If it's stupid, but works, it isn't stupid.

3. Don't look conspicuous - it draws fire. (This is why aircraft carriers are
called, "Bomb Magnets".)

4. When in doubt, empty your magazine.

5. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.

6. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

7. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

8. No plan survives the first contact intact.

9. All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.

10. Try to look unimportant because the bad guys may be low on ammo.

11. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.

12. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.

13. The important things are always simple.

14. The simple things are always hard.

15. The easy way is always mined.

16. If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.

17. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

18. Incoming fire has the right of way.

19. Friendly fire - isn't.

20. If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU!!!!!

21. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

22. Beer math is: 2 beers x 37 men = 49 cases.

23. Body count math is: 2 guerillas + 1 portable + 2 pigs = 37 enemy KIA.

24. Things that must be together to work, usually can't be shipped together.

25. Radio's will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.

26. Anything you do can get you shot - including doing nothing.

27. Tracers work both ways.

28. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly
fire.

29. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.

30. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more
than your fair share of objectives to take.

31. When both sides are convinced they are about to lose, they are both right.

32. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.

33. Murphy was a grunt.