bisbal
12.06.05, 05:15
Podaję artykuł rozwiewający mity o jedynakach:
Mowing Down Only Child Myths
By Susan Newman, Ph.D.
"You have to wonder why, when the U.S. Census reports that the single child
family is the fastest growing family unit, people tell you to have another
child (or you think you should). Those proponents of large or larger families
claim your only child will be spoiled, lonely, or selfish. These social
stereotypes and others date back to the 1890s and have no basis in fact…if
they ever did. It is parenting style more than the number of siblings that
influences how an only child—or any child for that matter—turns out.
So when someone, perhaps your mother-in-law or friend, tells you need to have
another child, here are the real facts about only children and the myth of
misfortune that wrongly still surrounds them. The facts are based on decades
of new research.
Myth: Only children are aggressive and bossy.
Fact: Only children learn quickly that attempting to run the show, a ploy
that they may get away with at home, doesn’t work with friends and a bossy,
aggressive attitude is a quick ticket to ostracism from the group. Lacking
siblings, only children want to be included and well liked.
Myth: Only children prefer more solitary, non-competitive amusements because
they are alone a great deal of the time.
Fact: This preference has more to do with social class than family size. The
interests in these amusements stem from parental values and the home
environment of middle- and upper-middle class families, which are more likely
to have a single child.
Myth: All only children have imaginary companions to compensate for their
loneliness.
Fact: There is no scientific evidence. Jerome Singer, Ph.D., professor of
psychology and child study at Yale University, confirms that the imagination
required to create make-believe friends “is not the exclusive property of
the ‘only’ child, the isolated, the ill or the handicapped. Imaginary friends
serve a purpose of meeting a need—to confront loneliness, to combat a fear,
or to compensate for feelings of weakness in relation to adults or older
children.” Any child can feel that need.
Myth: Only children are spoiled.
Fact: Being spoiled is a reflection of our society. The Chinese feared they
were raising a generation of “little emperors” when their only child policy
was in effect. Looking back 20 years later they found the only children were
not particularly spoiled and found no difference in only children’s
relationships with friends when studied with children who had siblings.
Myth: Only children are selfish.
Fact: Every child at one time or another believes the world revolves around
him. “Selfish means you are thinking of yourself as opposed to others,”
explains Michael Lewis, professor of pediatrics and psychiatry at the Robert
Wood Johnson Medical School in New Brunswick, New Jersey. “The youngster who
is unable to take the view of another is going to appear selfish. There are
points in people’s lives, one of them being adolescence, when the energy is
withdrawn. Hormonal changes and physical growth during that time may be
particularly harsh and the energy to focus on others just isn’t there.” In
the absence of siblings, parents cultivate the tools of sharing and feeling
for others and are the best early teachers because of trust and faith
children have in their parents. All parents can expect their toddlers and
teens to act selfishly at times.
Myth: Only children must have their way.
Fact: Children with siblings often have more “who’s the boss” difficulties
because they are constantly forced to share toys, television times, and
parents. Kindergarten teacher Deejay Schwartz observes: “It’s the ones who
have been jostled and have had to compete who are always trying to push
someone down, to be first in line or yell louder in order to be heard. Onlies
have always been heard and therefore function in a very calm way.”
Myth: Only children are dependent.
Fact: Because of adult guidance and lack of siblings to lean on, only
children are more self-reliant and independent than those who have brothers
and sisters to fend for them.
Myth: Only children become too mature too quickly.
Fact: Children with siblings relate and talk to their siblings rather than
their parents. The only child’s primary role models are parents. The result
is that only children copy adult behavior as well as adult speech patterns
and develop good reasoning skills early on making them better equipped to
handle the ups and downs of growing up. A good thing, for sure.
Myths die hard and slowly. Pay no attention. Families with one child have
outnumbered those with two children for two decades now. It seems the
smaller, single child family is here to stay.
More myths are debunked and more ammunition given to fend off those people
who want to tell you what size your family should be inParenting An Only
Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One & Only (Broadway Books).
Social psychologist Susan Newman, Ph.D. teaches at Rutgers University in New
Jersey, and is the author of twelve books, including the best-selling Little
Things Mean A Lot: Creating Happy Memories with Your Grandchildren, Parenting
an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only, Never
Say Yes to a Stranger: What Your Child Must Know to Stay Safe and most
recentlyNobody's Baby Now: Reinventing Your Adult Relationship with Your
Mother and Father. She is a member of the American Psychological Association
and available for workshops on parenting and family relations issues."
