misterpee
30.12.10, 22:45
Predictions for 2011 in no particular order
Michael Rivero
Sarah Palin will remember that it is South Korea we have a treaty with, and North Korea that are the bad guys.
Jon Stewart will have an epiphany and realize that blaming Israel’s attack on the aid flotilla on the dead aid workers, was not really funny after all.
Those $100,000 wristwatches all the rage on Wall Street will be exposed as cheap counterfeits from Taiwan.
Convicted Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard will be granted a Presidential pardon only to be beaten to death in a fit of jealous rage by Bernie Madoff. Abe Foxman has heart attack trying to figure out which one to call an anti-Semite.
The United Nations, responding to Charles Manson’s support of a global government, will voluntarily disband.
Al Gore will disappear. 5000 years from now his body will be found frozen in a glacier in the San Bernardino mountains, showing signs of having been shot in the back.
Mike Gravel will declare for President in 2012. Nobody will notice.
The dollar will collapse and old burned-out ipods will become the new hard currency.
Paul Allen will finally realize that you really can’t be on more than one yacht at a time, no matter how much money you have.
FOX News, unable to convince the public of anything any longer, will go all porno all the time, becoming profitable for the first time in a decade.
The Large Hadron collider at CERN will finally find the God Particle. The God Particle will be pissed! “For this you woke me up?!?”
The International Space Station will be sold to Virgin Galactic as an orbital hotel whose clientele will consist entirely of winners of the publishers clearing house sweepstakes. Richard Branson, disgusted, crashes the space station into the Moon and names the resulting crater “Virgin Hole.”
The Longshoreman will walk off of the docks. Rescue efforts fail. Dozens drown.
The US hands Iraq back to the Iraqis. They refuse, ask for Cleveland instead.
Adam Pearlman quits pretending to be a fake Al Qaeda terrorist and tries for a spot on “Dancing With The Stars.” Turns out he can’t dance, either!
Three ghosts will visit Wall Street on Christmas eve. Wall Street will wake up the next morning, apologize for its errant ways, and give Americans back their homes. The $150 hamburger is marked down to $25.
War with China will commence in March. A dismal box office flop, it is canceled mid-season.
Bowing to public pressure, the Federal Government agrees to relocate Washington DC. Antarctica is briefly considered.
Paul Watson will be eaten by a whale.
Alex Jones and Abe Foxman will be discovered to have been twins separated at birth.
Goldman Sachs will start the next big financial bubble by stealing underwear from your bedroom dresser.
Struggling to save the church from the latest money laundering scandal, Pope Benny will convert the Vatican into the world’s largest male strip club, trademarking it as Sodom II.
Bill Gates will finally apologize for Windows.
The US Olympic Synchronized Swimming Team will drown.
The IRS, fed up with those pesky citizen questions, finally checks the paperwork and finds that the 16 th Amendment really wasn’t ratified after all! Millions of tax collectors throw themselves off the top of the Washington Monument … and miss.
Having run out of Israel’s enemies to murder the US military starts converting assets to civilian use. Aircraft carriers are converted to floating drag racing tracks for underprivileged coastal communities, but disaster strikes when several drivers are drowned in a catapult malfunction.
Panic grips the EU when the French finally admit that the Eiffel Tower doesn’t actually do anything!
A moratorium on genetically modified crops is declared after thousands of shoppers are mauled to death by broccoli. One survivor reports, “I always hated broccoli.” USDA recommends carrying cheese sauce until the danger is over.
The North American union is formed. Mexico moves into the US. Americans move into Canada. The Earth tips over. Australia declares war.
The Mythbusters will finally allow 9-11 to be discussed on their blog!
Amelia Earhart will be found by Dr. Zahi Hawass!
A recount of the 2008 Presidential election will be requested … by Barack Obama.
