Mis-statements of the Union Address

[iamhotep]

punkt po punkcie
www.fpif.org/fpiftxt/3097

[you-know-who]

America's economy, based as it now is on cheap plastic trinkets manufactured in
Communist dictatorships, remains the envy of the world.

We seek the end of all tyranny that we do not directly sponsor or fund.

Terrorists like Osama Hussein are as serious about mass murder as I am, and all
of us must take their declared intentions seriously, or there�s nothing to run
on during this year's congressional elections.

As we make progress on the ground and Iraqi forces increasingly absorb the
shrapnel, we should be able to further decrease our troop levels and move them
to the future Tehran Green Zone. But those decisions will be made by our muzzled
and neutered military commanders, not by elected officials in Washington, D.C.

Our coalition has learned from experience in Iraq. For instance, we learned
that anyone with a twitchy moustache needs to be shot.

Hindsight alone is not wisdom. Wisdom is saying you're right, even when you
know you're wrong. And second guessing is not a strategy. Basically, strategies
is for pussies. (Applause.)

Alright, now here comes the part where I'm gonna flat-out blow all your minds
and send every poindexter journalist in the country scrambling for the phone,
and every greasy Internet nerd scribbling furiously into their
blogga-wogga-ding-dongs. Are you ready? Shhhhhhhhhh....

America. Is. Addicted. To. Oil.

(GASPS.)

That's right! For the FIRST TIME in my Presidency, I went and done opened that
Pandora's Box called "the truth." Can you believe it? Here's some more:

America. Makes. Shitty. Cars.

(SHRIEKS OF HORROR.)

America. Is. Totally. Bankrupt.

(MASS FAINTINGS.)

Before history is written down in books, it is written on yellow legal pads by
glistening fat men in top hats and monocles who chomp on illicit Cuban cigars in
the basement of the American Enterprise Institute. And my friends, if the past
five years have shown us anything, it's that those boys are on one fuck of a roll!

www.whitehouse.org/news/2006/013106.asp