Izraelski humor...

[Gość: Mosze]

A SIMPLE CUP OF COFFEE

What happens if a fly falls in a cup of coffee:

1) Englishman:
Throws his cup away and walks away.

2) American:
Takes the insect out and drinks the coffee.

3) Chinese:
Eats the insect and throws the coffee away.

4) Japanese:
Drinks the coffee with the insect since it is a free bonus.

5) Israeli:
Sells the coffee to the American and the insect to the Chinese and gets
himself a new cup of coffee.

6) Palestinian:
Accuses the Israeli for throwing the insect into his coffee.
Relates the issue to violence.
Asks the Americans for Military aid.
Takes a loan from America to buy another cup of coffee.

[januszcz]

Chciałem napisać: subtelna różnica. Oczywiście miedzy dowcipem żydowskim a
izraelskim.
Różnica jednak jest zasadnicza i choć dowcip izraelski jest niezły, to
osobiscie wolę tradycyjny dowcip żydowski

Pozdrawiam

Janusz

[Gość: Mosze]

(W Izraelu jest prawo, kiedy dziecko konczy 18 lat, to ojciec przestaje placic
alimenty exzony za dziecko...)

Ojciec mowi: Dzis sa urodziny mojej corki, ktora ma 18 lat... i mam podwojna,
uroczystosc...urodziny i koniec placenia alimentow...

i kiedy przyszla moja corka podalem jej pieniadze dla matki i powiedzialem zeby
powiedziala jej matce ze to jest ostatni aliment...wiecej nie dostanie...
i jak przyjdziesz na nastepny raz do mnie to opowiadaj co matka powiedziala?

Na nasepnym tygodniu przyszla corka i ciekawy zapytalem co powiedziala matka
twoja na to ze dostala ostatni raz....???

Corka: "matka mowila ze wcale nie jestem Twoja corka......"

[Gość: Mosze]

To mi przypomina historyjke z "Madrosci Zydowskich".
Kilku chasydow jedzie droga, nagle droga jest zagrodzona zwalonym drzewem.
Chasydzi zeszli z wozu, naradzaja sie, przytaczaja cytaty z Talmudu i robi sie
wielka i dluga zazarta dyskusja, jak tu rozwiazac ten problem.
Nadjezdza polski chlop na furmance, zatrzymuje sie, lapie drzewo i przekreca
tak, ze jest wystarczajaco miejsca na drodze, aby je ominac. Wsiada z powrotem
na furmanke i odjezdza. Chasydzi patrza sie na odjezdzajaca furmanke, patrza na
siebie, po czym jeden z nich wzruszajac ramionami: "Tez mi sztuka, sila..."

[institoris1]

Gość portalu: Mosze napisał(a):

> A SIMPLE CUP OF COFFEE
>
> What happens if a fly falls in a cup of coffee:
>
> 1) Englishman:
> Throws his cup away and walks away.
>
> 2) American:
> Takes the insect out and drinks the coffee.
>
> 3) Chinese:
> Eats the insect and throws the coffee away.
>
> 4) Japanese:
> Drinks the coffee with the insect since it is a free bonus.
>
> 5) Israeli:
> Sells the coffee to the American and the insect to the Chinese and gets
> himself a new cup of coffee.
>
> 6) Palestinian:
> Accuses the Israeli for throwing the insect into his coffee.
> Relates the issue to violence.
> Asks the Americans for Military aid.
> Takes a loan from America to buy another cup of coffee.

7) Polak:
o k...a!!

he he, a nie było w oryginale ....?

[Gość: tes]

5.. Palestinian: Sells the coffee to the American and insect to the Chinese and
gets a new cup of coffee.

6.. Israeli: Accuses the Palestinian for throwing insect into his coffee,
relates the issue to violence. Asks the Americans for Military aid, and takes a
loan from America to buy one more cup of coffee.

www.anvari.org/fun/Misc/Fly_in_a_Cup_of_Coffee.html

Nie daje...

[Gość: Mosze]

Gość portalu: tes napisał(a):

> 5.. Palestinian: Sells the coffee to the American and insect to the Chinese
and
>
> gets a new cup of coffee.
>
> 6.. Israeli: Accuses the Palestinian for throwing insect into his coffee,
> relates the issue to violence. Asks the Americans for Military aid, and takes
a
>
> loan from America to buy one more cup of coffee.
>
> <a
href="www.anvari.org/fun/Misc/Fly_in_a_Cup_of_Coffee.html"target="_blank"
>www.anvari.org/fun/Misc/Fly_in_a_Cup_of_Coffee.html</a>

To jest strona Iranska, nie daje mnie wejsc bo jestem z Izraela...

kto nie daje?

[Gość: tes]

Zacytuję więc nieco tej wiedzy tajemnej:

Being Iranian [MAIL THIS TO A FRIEND]
> > Subject: YOU ARE AN IRANIAN, IF ...
>
>
> > * If your mother messes up your marriage.
> > * If you are a car salesman and at the same time a singer.
> > * If you talk behind your wife's back with your mother.
> > * If you dress up to go to grocery store.
> > * If you go to concert, but you never see the singer and stay in the
> > hallways with your drink and check out girls.
> > * If you never wear your wedding ring.
> > * If you smoke 5 packs a day and tell everyone you don't smoke.
> > * If you pronounce "Sure", "SHOOR".
> > * If your favorite drink is Vodka.
> > * If you are about 35 and have no hair on your head.
> > * If you watch Iranian program on TV, but always nag for bad programming.
> > * If you are good in playing backgammon and chess but can't do your taxes.
> > * If you pronounce "gas station", "gas esstation".
> > * If you ask someone to marry and they want to know if you own a house.
> > * If you claim you are Italian.
> > * If you divorce your wife but still don't let her date anyone else.
> > * If your wife divorces you, but still goes shopping with your sister.
> > * If you used to be a brain surgeon in Iran butnow you work in a
> > chelokababy.
> > * If you carry 3 pagers and 2 cellular phone and no one ever calls you.
> > * If you claim your dad was a very good friend of SHAH.
> > * If you don't own a house and have no job, but still can afford a BMW.
> > * If you have to shave more than once a day.
> > * If you were a 4 star general in Iran and now drive a cab in Washington
> > D.C.
> > * If your in-laws come to visit and they never leave.

www.anvari.org/fun/Misc/Being_Iranian.html