Speeding blonde

[Gość: Frida]

SPEEDING BLONDE

A blonde was speeding down the road in her little red sports car. She was
pulled over by a female cop who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see
the blonde's driver's license. The driver dug through her purse and was
getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she asked.

The cop replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to
the cop. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde cop looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Redneck Birth Control

[fibin]

After having their 11th child, an Arkansas couple decided that enough was
enough (they couldn't afford a double wide). So, the husband went to his
doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin
didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was
a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.

The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are
legal in Arkansas), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up
to his ear and count to 10.

The Arkansas man said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I
don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going
to help me".

So, the couple drove to Mississippi to get a second opinion. The
Mississippi physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for
a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Arkansas. This doctor
instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it
in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went
home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to
his ear and began to count.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5,..........," at which point he paused, placed the beer can
between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

Tourist in Moscow ;-)

[Gość: Bodzu]

A tourist in Moscow was walking around the city
doing some sightseeing. After a couple of hours
he needed to go to the toilet but he couldn't find
a public toilet.
He looked and he looked but he just couldn't find
a public toilet anywhere. Eventually he needed the
toilet so badly that he went down a quiet side-street
and started unzipping his pants.
As he did so a Moscow policeman appeared asking,
"Hey, what are you doing?"
The tourist replied, "I really need a pee and I can't
find a toilet anywhere."
The policeman said, "You can't pee on the street.
It's illegal. But come with me and I'll take you to a
place where it's okay to pee."
The policeman led him to a beautiful garden with
lots of grass, flowers and dozens of trees.
"Here," said the policeman, "You can pee here."
The tourist quickly started peeing on the grass and
flowers. When he had finished he turned to the
policeman and asked, "Is this Russian courtesy?"
The policeman replied, "No. This is the American Embassy."

Blond and a redhead!

[Gość: Amigo]

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and
pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers.
.
Red sighed and said, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
.
The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, "You don't like getting
flowers from your boyfriend?"
.
The redhead said, "I love getting flowers, but he always has
expectations after giving me flowers,
.
and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back
with my legs in the air."
.
The blonde says, really, "Don't you have a
vase?"........................................

grown-up language

[fibin]

It was the first day back at school after summer vacation for the class of
seven year olds, the teacher asked them what they did while away from school.
Mary shouted out "Please Miss, I went out with Mummy and Daddy and we saw some
moo-moos." The teacher interrupted Mary and told her that she is a seven year
old now and should not be using "baby words like moo-moo." Just then, Peter
blurted out "Please Miss, I went to stay with my uncle on his farm, he has lots
of baa-baas." Teacher interrupted again to scold Peter about using childish
language, and asked little Johnny what he did. "Well Miss," said Johnny, "I
read a book." "Very grown-up" commented the teacher, "And what was the book
called?" "Ehm... Winnie the shit", answered Johnny.