New Dress Code

22.12.08, 15:34
Dress Code:

You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.



If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a
raise.



If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a
raise.



If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor; you are able to come to work.



Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called SATURDAY and SUNDAY.



Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent on the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin
board under the Chronic Offenders category. Anyone caught smiling
in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health
policy.



Lunch Break:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so
that they can look healthy.



Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal
to maintain their average figure.



Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.





Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations contemplations,
consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.


Department of Human Resources
    • tamsin Re: New Dress Code 22.12.08, 16:32
      U nas juz wprowadzili restrykcje na siedzenie w ubikacji - swiatlo
      sie gasi jak za dlugo siedzisz ;-)
      • ladybug Re: New Dress Code 22.12.08, 16:37
        Uuuuuuu...to koniec z czytaniem brukowcow:)
      • iamhotep Re: New Dress Code 22.12.08, 16:38
        Jak przyjdzie co do czego to czlowiek nie bedzie w stanie wycisnac
        kropli ... chyba ze mu swiatlo wylacza, hehehe.
        • tamsin Re: New Dress Code 22.12.08, 18:37
          musze przyznac, ze wlasciciele budynku traktyja na rowno
          dlugie "posiedzenia": swiatlo rowniez wylacza sie samo jak za dlugo
          siedzi sie w conference rooms :-)
          • edytais Re: New Dress Code 23.12.08, 02:42
            Ten watek przypomnial mi moj finals z biochemii juz dawno temu. Siedzialam sama
            w labolatorium gdzie byly sensory ruchu. Co 5 minut mi sie swiatlo wylaczalo
            podczas tego egzaminu. Lab byl bez okien, wiec co 5 minut machalam rekami jak
            szalona, zeby sie swiatla wlaczyly.
            Tak przez ponad godzine!
            • edytkus Re: New Dress Code 23.12.08, 05:34
              edytais napisała:

              > co 5 minut machalam rekami jak
              > szalona, zeby sie swiatla wlaczyly.
              > Tak przez ponad godzine!

              hehe, to mi przypomnialo gimnastyke "dla rozluznienia" na lekcjach
              roznorakich w podstawowce. A nawet i w liceum pare razy sie
              zdarzylo. W ciasnocie lawek sie "gimnastykowalismy" LOL
              • i.p.freely Re: New Dress Code 23.12.08, 08:32
                Eeeee tam nowy dress code. (Pozwole sobie na sarkazm - robolom sie w
                glowach najwyrazniej poprzewracalo i trzeba ich jakos sprowadzic na
                ziemie:D

                Lekarstwem:

                feu·dal·ism (fy??d'l-?z'?m)
                n.
                1. A political and economic system of Europe from the 9th to about
                the 15th century, based on the holding of all land in fief or fee
                and the resulting relation of lord to vassal and characterized by
                homage, legal and military service of tenants, and forfeiture.

                I w tym wlasnie kontekscie szczanie na komende nabiera wlasciwego
                znaczenia.


                • zyta2003 Re: New Dress Code 23.12.08, 12:33
                  Moze troche odbiegam od tematu, ale jak sie odmienilo. W
                  aplikacjach do co-opow, pojawiaja sie obecnie informacje: mam dochod
                  taki i taki, bardzo stabilna prace nie zwiazana z finansial
                  industry. A jeszcze niedawno pisano wrecz odwrotnie.
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