spadochron

[Gość: ela]

> THE PARACHUTE PARADIGM
>
> You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one
> parachute.
>
> *Pessimist:* you refuse the parachute because you might die in the jump
> anyway.
>
> *Optimist:* you refuse the parachute because people have survived jumps
> just like this before.
>
> *Procrastinator:* you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
>
> *Bureaucrat:* you order them to conduct a feasibility study on
> parachute use in melti-engine aircraft under corde red conditions.
>
> *Lawyer:* you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.
>
> *Doctor:* you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the
> parachute in order to make your next appointment.
>
> *Sales executive:* you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and
> get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.
>
> *Internal Revenue Service:* you confiscate the parachute along with
> their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.
>
> *Advertiser:* you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a
> neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.
>
> *Engineer:* you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and
> dental floss.
>
> *Scientist:* you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a
> report on how well it worked.
>
> *Mathematician:* you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that
> it will work in all cases.
>
> *Philosophy:* you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.
>
> *English:* you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute
> instructions.
>
> *Comparative Literature:* you read the parachute instructions in all
> four languages.
>
> *Computer Science:* you design a machine capable of operating a
> parachute as well as a human being could.
>
> *Economics:* you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular
> intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.
>
> *Psychoanalysis:* you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds
> them of.
>
> *Drama:* you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character
> of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.
>
> *Art:* you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.
>
> *Republican:* as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work
> hard and not expect handouts.
>
> *Democrat:* you ask them for a dollar to buy scissors so you can cut
> the parachute into two equal pieces.
>
> *Libertarian:* after reminding them of their constitutional right to
> have a parachute, you take it and jump out.
>
> *Ross Perot:* you tell them not to worry, since it wonUt take you long
> to learn how to fix a plane.
>
> *Surgeon General:* you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous
> to your health.
>
> *Association of Tobacco Growers:* you explain very patiently that
> despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown no link
> whatsoever between airplane crashes and death.
>
> *National Rifle Association:* you shoot them and take the parachute.
>
> *Police Bigot:* you beat them unconscious with the parachute.
>
> *Environmentalist:* you refuse to use the parachute unless it is
> biodegradable.
>
> *Objectivist:* your only rational and moral choice is to take the
> parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.
>
> *Branch Davidian (David Koresh):* you get inside the parachute and
> refuse to come out.
>
> *Sports Fan:* you start betting on how long it will take to crash.
>
> *Auto Mechanic:* as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it
> works fine.