Uśmiałam się :-)

[lenkaa7]

To wprawdzie bardziej na forum humorum, ale na angielskim forum też przyda
się trochę funu :-) więc wklejam:
A panda enters a nice Chinese restaurant and orders a plate of bamboo. The
waiter gives it to the panda, and watches the panda eat all of it. Then the
panda whips out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. The chef in the kitchen
runs
out but the panda has already left the restaurant. The angry chef finally
catches up to the panda and asks the panda, "Why did you just shoot my
waiter?". The panda looks very surprised and asks, "What was so unusual about
that?". The indigdant chef replies, "You just can't go around shooting my
waiter like that and then leave!". The panda whips out a dictionary and reads
out loud the following entry: "Panda: A mammal indigenous to China. Eats
bamboo, shoots, and leaves.

[kwiatek_leona]

Baaaaad panda!

Przy okazji bardzo polecam ksiazke o tym samym tytule "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" -
przygody w interpunkcji i nie tylko. eatsshootsandleaves.com/

[lenkaa7]

No proszę, kto by się spodziewał, że to tak popularna panda ;-)

[easystreet]

SO, WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

1. Saeed Al Sahaf - The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete

fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.

2. George W. Bush - We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The
chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.

3. Tony Blair - I agree with George.

4. Colin Powell - Now to the left of the screen you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

5. Martin Luther King Jr. - I envision a world where all chickens will be

free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

6. Grandpa:

and more...

[waldek1610]

easystreet napisała:

> SO, WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?


8. African person; Is that chicken going to cross the road again tommorow?

To o ten samochód chodzi z FIAT-a ???

[mike-great]

To o ten samochód chodzi z FIAT-a ???

[ampolion]

Manipulation with a superflous coma. Should be: Eats
bamboo shoots and leaves.

[lenkaa7]

Apparently this shooting panda is not fully aware that some comas are
superflous. Don't pick on the poor animal.

[ampolion]

Mogła posłuzyć się ta edukowana panda słownikiem ortograficznym...
;>)

[mudzyn7]

And why really the chicken crossed the road?
To get to the other side, hehe.

[bournemouth]

my favourite jokes:

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
---
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does
your dog bite?"
"No."
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog."
---
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating
rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back
of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes
at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and
a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens
to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to
in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
9. Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so
well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
----

www.e-angielski.com/index.php?module=Humor

[mudzyn7]

Are You for real?

Becouse if you were for real, infantile jokes like that...

[mudzyn7]

to the author of the jokes...sorry I might to be a little harhs, some of theese are a pretty good jokes

[mudzyn7]

oczywiscie w pijackim widzie:
o the author of the jokes...sorry I might to be a little harhs, some of theese are a pretty good jokes

sorry, if I was a bit to harsh, some of this jokes actually rules!

[zettrzy]

a guy with a piece of tarmac comes to the bar
- one for me, one for the road please

[majenkir]

A man sits down at a resturant and looks at the menu.
He tells the waiter "I think I will have the turtle soup".
The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind to pea soup.
He yells to the waiter: "Hold the turtle, make it pea!!!"

[zettrzy]

cruelty to the animal... jeszcze PETA sie wtraci!

[elissa2]

A Dying Man's Cookies

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death 's agony, he suddenly smelled
the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He
gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning
against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even
greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both
hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the
kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in
heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally
hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one
final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left
this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing
on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous
taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to
life. The aged and withered hand, shockingly made its way to a cookie at the
edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
'Stay out of those, ' she said, 'they 're for the funeral. '
:)

[majenkir]

This guy's father dies, so he goes to the undertaker and tells him he wants the
best of everything for his father and he won't cheap out on anything. The man
gets really sick the day of the funeral, however, and is unable to attend.

The next day, he receives a bill for $16,000. He pays it, no questions asked.

The next month, he receives another bill for $165. He figures it's just a
little supplementary bill for something that was left off the first one, so he
pays it.

The following month, another bill for $165 arrives, so he calls up the
undertaker and says, "I keep getting these bills for $165 dollars. I thought I
paid for the funeral already."

The undertaker says, "Well, you said you wanted the best for your father, so I
rented him a tux."