butter_fly
08.04.03, 09:29
Improving English
European Union PRESS RELEASE
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EU, the European
Parliament has commissioned a feasability study in ways of improving
efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessary difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and
thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out
these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a
committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead
of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this
news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replased by 'k' sinse both letters
are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of
klerikal workers, but komputer keyboards kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed
that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make
words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a
deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as
though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem
began and peopl would be reseptiv to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'.
Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al,
half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from words
kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations
of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten
styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud
fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud finali hav kum
tru.
