Lot's wife

[wartasikora]

By Sherri Mandell

(January 10) When my son Koby Mandell and his friend Yosef Ish-Ran were
murdered by Palestinian terrorists eight months ago, my family and I were
sucked into the vortex of the tragic Middle East conflict. After a group of men
used boulders to crush and mutilate our 13-year-old son and his 14-year-old
friend, I began to pay attention to what the Palestinians and particularly my
counterparts, Palestinian mothers, were saying about the conflict.

When a newspaper runs the story of my family's tragedy, they often parallel it
with the story of a Palestinian woman who has lost her child. In the most
recent article in the Denver Post, the Arab mother said she would be happy to
send her other children to be killed.

In the South China Morning Post, the Hong Kong English-language daily, the
newspaper paralleled our story with the story of the Al Dura family whose son,
Muhammad, was killed in the crossfire between Palestinians and the Israeli
army.

This boy is being celebrated as the premier Palestinian martyr. His death is
screened and rescreened on Palestinian national television. A commercial on the
official Palestinian Authority television shows an actor playing Muhammad in
heaven flying a kite in a lush meadow, frolicking on a beach and riding a
Ferris wheel in an amusement park. He then calls on the Palestinian children,
saying: "I am not waving goodbye, I am waving to tell you to follow in my
footsteps." His parents are quoted in the article as saying they have learned
to hate as a result of their son's death.

My family, on the other hand, refused to release any footage showing my son's
battering. We want to remember our son alive, not as a victim. We refuse to
live on a diet of hate. We would never send our son as a sacrifice. We would
never choose death.

Where are the Palestinian mothers who refuse to live in hate? Where are the
mothers who are speaking out against martyrdom? Where are the Palestinian
mothers who are saying - no longer will we purposefully sacrifice our children
for our ideology?

The problem is rooted deep in Palestinian society. Not just the mothers and the
media are teaching hate. The schools are also sanctifying death.

On January 2, 2002, in the International Herald Tribune, Hanna Rosin
interviewed the head of the Hamas school in Ramallah, a highly reputable
institution with high salaries for its teachers, and small classes where pupils
learn English, Koran and computers, and where dying as a martyr is encouraged.

The principal asked a five-year-old boy what he wanted to be when he grew up.
The boy answered, "Just like my father." His father was a terrorist who had
been killed. The principal hugged and kissed him. The boy is a good student. He
has learned the language and practice of martyrdom.

If there are Palestinian parents speaking out against martyrdom, we don't know
about it. The Palestinian entity is not a democracy, and therefore doesn't
allow a multitude of opinions. Instead, it exploits the fundamentalist ideology
of martyrdom that asserts that each child killed will rise to heaven and be
rewarded with paradise; each child killed will move the Palestinians forward in
their political struggle with Israel.

What happens to the mothers' and fathers' grief? What happens to the society?
Palestinian political and religious leaders encourage parents to deny their
natural feelings. But if grief is unexpressed, it stays in the body and
hardens. As a result, these parents may not allow themselves to acknowledge
their deepest feelings - loss and betrayal.

As a result, they can turn to stone. They turn to a pillar of salt, like Lot's
wife who is always looking back. They are frozen where they are, looking at
their dead children, frozen with hate for what they perceive to be their enemy,
the Israelis.

But what if the enemy is really themselves? The fact that they won't say
enough, no more sending children to be martyrs.

Arafat and the Palestinians must renounce terrorism, not because, after
September 11, it is no longer an expedient strategy now that the democratic
world is speaking out against terrorism, but because terrorism is wrong,
morally wrong, and anyone who supports it is morally wrong.

I call on Palestinian mothers to stop the sanctification of their children's
death. I call on Palestinian mothers to refuse to allow their leadership to
exploit and reward the deaths of their children.

Most Israelis are willing to make sacrifices to attain peace. But peace has to
mean something. Peace with people who encourage their children's suicide
missions is no peace at all. Until the majority of Palestinians learn to value
compromise as much as they value martyrdom, there can be no peace.

Compromise comes with democracy, with the ability to hear other points of view,
the ability to allow other voices, not just the voice of martyrdom. When the
mothers admit that their children's death is too high a price to pay, then
perhaps the salt of Lot's wife can be melted into tears that flow freely. Maybe
then the grief will emerge and unlock the frozen posture of these women, their
educational institutions, their leaders and media.

When they acknowledge their losses, maybe then Lot's wife can look ahead to a
better future instead of being locked into a past of anger, vengeance, hatred
and cruelty.