is it rude to...

IP: 78.145.94.* 08.05.08, 13:42
ask somebody not to call me 'his love', 'his sunshine' and so on?
i am sick to hear this from bus driver, chemist, shop assistant and
others as this words do mean something special for me

what to do if i do not wish to be called this way?

ania
    • Gość: iza Re: is it rude to... IP: 83.1.112.* 08.05.08, 14:16
      that's only a colloquial expression,
      and spoken language contains many of them

      what means something special for you,
      doesn't need to mean something special for others
      what's more,you've just given the proof,
      you don't want to learn the language people use
      translating words in your head into your mother tongue is the worst adviser ever

      in my opinion,
      don't even try to talk to a bus driver etc,
      about your problem
      unless you want teach the English how they should speak English

      by the way
      isn't it nice to be called "my sunshine" or "my dear"....?
      at least you are special to everyone you meet on your way of life


      love,
      iza
      • Gość: ania Re: is it rude to... IP: 78.145.94.* 08.05.08, 18:28
        > by the way
        > isn't it nice to be called "my sunshine" or "my dear"....?


        no, i thought i expressed myself clear, i do mind if stranger call
        me "his love", "his dear"


        > at least you are special to everyone you meet on your way of life


        this is why it is so important to me

        ania
        • Gość: iza Re: is it rude to... IP: 83.1.112.* 08.05.08, 19:28
          my "by the way" was a joke of kind,
          something in jest,not serious

          the rest of my response wasn't


          kind regards,................
          (NOT "love",to pretend I've respected
          your allegation)


          iza,
          • Gość: iza short answer IP: 83.1.112.* 08.05.08, 22:30

            Q:"Is it rude to ask somebody not to call me "love"?"
            A: It is not rude,it is silly
        • Gość: Stoperan Re: is it rude to... IP: *.neoplus.adsl.tpnet.pl 29.07.08, 23:12
          > no, i thought i expressed myself clear, i do mind if stranger call
          > me "his love", "his dear"

          Poor baby! She wants to be called "my disgust" apparently... How
          about returning to your village in Poland and refreshing your mind
          about some polish bus drivers' "polite" routines?
    • Gość: polishhamster Re: is it rude to... IP: *.chello.pl 08.05.08, 22:52
      As far as I understand it, 'love', 'duck', 'dear' etc are just ways of being
      polite. If you live in the North of England in particular, it's not just men
      that say it, either! Listen out for ladies in shops or in the pub - if there are
      any English barmaids any more;) - and they just use it like people in France
      would say 'Madame' or in PL 'Pani'. I think British people are more into their
      little 'social' conversations and I don't think you should get upset by it!
    • jonathan.oakley Re: is it rude to... 09.05.08, 00:11
      At least they're not calling you 'duck' or 'hen' (popular in
      Scotland)...is it so bad to be informally nice to a someone? :)
      • Gość: ania Re: is it rude to... IP: 78.145.0.* 09.05.08, 09:17
        hi jonathan,

        i am actually called "his duck" as well (west midlands) which i do
        not mind because this words have no meaning for me, but i feel "my
        love", "my darling" are reserved for someone special and when i hear
        it from a stranger i feel kind of disrespect from the person

        it is the same with "how are you?", people do ask but they do not
        realy carehow iam today, how do i know that? cos they do not even
        bother to stop and wait for an answer.
        • jonathan.oakley Re: is it rude to... 09.05.08, 12:05
          Hi Ania, 'My duck' personally I dislike but....I guess you can
          either look at this positvely (in their own way...these people are
          just being polite and friendly) or negatively...tbe last time I
          visited Miami the lady serving in the diner kept calling
          me 'honey'...I was delighted as it made for a relaxed atmposphere
          and easy conversation...:)
    • aiczka Re: is it rude to... 16.05.08, 17:50
      I also do not like people speaking like this. It is annoying. One feels like
      being treated as a child, often by a person from whom a more official conduct
      would be expected or whom one does not really like so much.
      When the person in question is someone I meet once and probably will never meet
      again, I ignore it. If it is someone I meet often, I work with etc. I kindly ask
      him/her to stop. I mean really politely, like "I'm sorry, would you mind not
      calling me >...<? It is just that I don't feel comfortably with this, bla, bla,
      >my name< would be fine" etc. People usually understand, that using "honeys",
      "loves", "fishies" IS familiarity and may be treated as overfamiliarity.
      • jonathan.oakley Re: is it rude to... 16.05.08, 22:33
        So much for the English having a formal reputation!!

        ~Start every day off with a smile and get it over with~
    • jeanie_mccake Re: is it rude to... 19.05.08, 23:30
      These are what's known as cultural differences.
      Foreigners in Poland think it's funny to be called 'pan' and 'pani'
      unless they're 500 years old and still remember feudalism, and they
      don't like being treated like children by Poles who think that a
      woman is incapable of opening a door without help (it's not
      difficult).
      If a bus driver or chemist says 'cheers, love' or 'alright, pet' a
      thousand times a day because that's how respect is shown in his
      society, you should lecture him about eastern European
      sociolinguistics. He'll really, really care.
      • aiczka Re: is it rude to... 02.06.08, 16:52
        > These are what's known as cultural differences.
        I would not say so. I live in Poland and I expercience "honeys" and stuff from
        good old Polish cashiers, driving instructors, nurses etc. Sometimes one can
        deal with it, but sometimes it is just inappropriate.
        I think it is rather a question of individual (or sometimes - typical for the
        region) manners of speaking.
        • edavenpo Re: is it rude to... 03.06.08, 20:30
          I must say my views on this chime with Jennie's.

          It's definitely a cultural difference and it helps to understand that people really do not use in an offensive or patronising way.

          By the same token, it is considered very rude to stare in UK. This is why this unflinching, measuring stare, without a trace of a smile, meted out by Poles to anyone that looks slightly unusual, can be quite a shock to an Englishman. My husband was quite taken aback by it during his first visit to Poland. I remember being stuck on a slow train for 2 hours with a couple of teenage girls sitting opposite us, they literally would not take their eyes off us (and we are not THAT attractive ;-) - I suppose they were just curious as we were talking in English but my hubby found it really unsettling.

          Back to the duck, pet etc. Funnily enough, it is immediately adopted by shop owners even if they are not English - my Turkish corner shop owner's English is pretty poor (he's only been in the country for 6 months or so) but I do get called Darling when I shop while my husband is addressed as Boss ;-)

          To be fair, there are instances where 'love' is employed to patronise - any woman who ever dealt with tradesmen (be it plumber, builder or a car mechanic) will know the difference, but these are quite specific circumstances, and often applicable across cultures as it is related more to getting one-upmanship than to the subtleties of language ;-)
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