fredt
21.05.04, 22:25
New EC Regulations
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the
other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted
a five-year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour
of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less
letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words
like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent
to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s
in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away. By the 4th year,
peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w"
wiz "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations
of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a realy sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand each ozer.
ZE DREAM VIL FINALI KUM TRU
