Al-Gore!

[Gość: Jurek]

"IT'S OPEN SEASON ON ARABS"
Attorney General John Ashcroft recently met with President Bush to share
details of his latest anti-terrorism measures, designed to prevent attacks on
America while preserving freedom and human rights for all law-abiding citizens
and visitors who don't look Arabic.

ASHCROFT: "Mr. President, you'll be glad to know that the FBI database has been
improved. It now holds a comprehensive list of groups and individuals that have
given us trouble of any sort, including Al Qaeda, Al Jihad and Al Gore."
BUSH: "Al Gore? He's not a terrorist, is he?"
ASHCROFT: "Probably not, Mr. President. But the FBI tapped his phone line and
heard him say he's targeting the White House. We've been spying on him ever
since he grew that beard.”
BUSH” "Good idea, John. The beard was mighty suspicious. Make sure you let me
know if you spot him wearing a turban. That's usually the next step. It would
give us enough evidence to detain him.”
ASHCROFT: "Yes, Mr. President. We're also starting a program to fingerprint and
photograph visitors from certain countries, particularly the Islamic countries.”
BUSH: "Good idea, John. And let's not forget the Muslim countries either.”
ASHCROFT: "Yes, Mr. President. We're trying to use a variety of methods. That's
why we're reorganizing the CIA. It will now stand for Central Investigation of
Arabs. We don't want to put all our eggs in one basket."
BUSH: "That's good, John! Remember: money is no object. We can always buy more
baskets. We'll import them if we need to.”
ASHCROFT: "Uh ... yes, sir, whatever you say. The ACLU claims we're being
discriminatory, but let's face facts: One out of ten Arabs hates America. That
doesn't seem bad-until you realize that only one out of 50 hates Salman
Rushdie. We need to look at the big picture. If only one out of every 100,000
Arabs is a terrorist, that doesn't seem like a problem. But if we allow a
million of them to enter the country,
we're admitting 10 terrorists!"
BUSH: "That's scary, John. But I have a solution: Let's allow only 999,990 to
enter.”
ASHCROFT: "Yes, but how do we know which 10 to leave out?"
BUSH: "Well, we can start with Louis Farrakhan. I never did like him.”
ASHCROFT: "Uh ... he's African-American, sir. Would you like us to detain him?"
BUSH: "Yes, John, for at least a few decades. I noticed you've detained several
other people who aren't Arabs."
ASHCROFT: "Yes, but they all have connections to the Arab world. For example,
we've detained a man named Levi Bara. If you take the first letters of his
names and move them to the end, what do you get? Evil Arab. Just a coincidence?
I don't think so. We've also detained a woman named Greta Baily. If you
rearrange the letters of her names, what do you get? Great Libya.”
BUSH: "That's scary. But isn't it hard to keep track of all these names?"
ASHCROFT: "Well, we're analyzing names using computer software created by an
Indian programmer named Prash Desai.We hired him because his name-you'll be
glad to know-can be rearranged to form Sharp Ideas."
BUSH: "Wonderful! It's a good thing we grabbed him before India did. Remind me
to tell the Pakistani president, Perverse Mushroom, that we did him a big
favor.”