last night

[fibin]

One day, this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then
he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets
worried. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a
fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31
days." The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good
thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender. "Yeah, except
today is the last night."

Little Johnny

[fibin]

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go
to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!" The
teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this
situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the
word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little
Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you would let me
go piss, you'd be a ten!"

a doctor and a plumber

[fibin]

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!" The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

the way of thinking

[fibin]

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked
him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence
and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None.",replied
Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the
teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a
question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a
shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one
sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nevously, "I
guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the
wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."