A story

[vaniteux]

I have written a story for my FCE class. I would really like to know your
opinion on it, focusing rather on the plot not the mistakes.


Once upon a time, in a small American village of Chickenville, lived a
young, naive turkey called Fred. He was an apple of Mr. Jones’ eye. The
farmer took special care of him, as Fred was to be the Christmas turkey.

Fred really enjoyed his live on the Jones’ farm, and would never try to
reject. Since his old, clever friend – pig Martha had seen many of her
beaked friends baked at Christmas, she took interest of the worrying fact
and decided to warn Fred. ‘Take my word for it’ she reiterated, ‘it’s not
the dream you would like it to be. You got used to convenience too much.
Escape or you will end up in an oven.’ Unluckily, Fred never took that
criticism. ‘Nonsense’ he answered and got back to eating his fatty worms. He
took Martha’s advice only when he saw Mrs. Jones coming up with a knife in
her hand. ‘Oh God!’, he shouted and run away as fast as he could. He didn’t
know that he would never see his friends again.

In the Big City everybody had been preparing for Christmas Eve for a long
time. Mrs. Darling with her little daughter Emma had just finished their
shopping and left the Big Mall. Unexpectedly the lady stumbled. Emma glanced
at the ground and noticed a strange view: a turkey sleeping in the snow,
shivering from the cold. She took pity on him and begged her mother to
adopt him. ‘It will be my new pet mummy’. Mrs. Darling, having noticed how
fatty Fred was, agreed at once. ‘Now I will have even more comfortable home’
thought Fred with relief.

The day after, when Emma wanted to say hello to her new friend, all she
found was a deliciously smelly turkey on the bright and colourful, family
Christmas table.

[Gość: chickenShorts]

What is there to talk about, if we cannot talk about the mistakes?

[Gość: krecha]

smells like plagiarism

[vaniteux]

In fact,\that is all my own work. What do you conclude from it's a piece of
plagiarism?

[Gość: Nat]

Unimaginative, boring, reveals nothing, neither moves nor entertains. Brave
attempt at creative writing but .. don't give up your day job just yet. Some
more language tuition would be beneficial. On a scale A to E, merits C,
including Christmas compassion factor. Take it on your chin!

[vaniteux]

I was sceptical about that story from the beginning , as I hate writing for
the bland exam tasks and, as you can see, I'm deprived of capability to think
up wise plots, so I wanted others to judge it. Your criticism was very
constructive to me and next time I'm forced to write such nonsense I will
place there a lovely family leaping around a lovely snowman and waiting for
the lovely Santa Claus, not to mention happy end - these will reveal so much
optimsm and depth of emotions! You hinted that I needed much language
practice, so have mercy on a poor not-advanced learner and point out my
mistakes? I will comply with them and create a masterpiece for the exam!

[Gość: chickenShorts]

A very commendable attitude, if I may say so! You are going far, my boy, if
not high... Well done!

He's all yours now, Nat!

[vaniteux]

I'm sorry to disappoint you Poultryskirt, but I am female despite my nick.

[Gość: chickenShorts]

vaniteux napisała:

> I'm sorry to disappoint you Poultryskirt, but I am female despite my nick.

What a lucky coincidence!!! Love'em, females!

[vaniteux]

Coincidence. Perfect, isn't it?

[Gość: Banal]

sorry, but if you're preparing for FC, then forget it... you're just about to
lose lots of money. Register for CAE.

[sylvia6]

Hi,
please check you mail box.

[Gość: chickenShorts]

sylvia6 napisała:

> Hi,
> please check you mail box.<

Hi, Christian Lady(couldn't find Sylvia among the saints),
your compassionate attitude to people and their predicaments is awe inspiring
in some instances... In others, to be admired and, no doubt, followed but...
But! If only you did have more sense (as in 'common sense') or knew some
French, you'd soon realise that 'Vaniteuse' wanted it all on the stage, so to
speak, that this forum may serve as... And me too... Can you show us your 'good
deed' on this public forum? I am sure, vaniteuse doesn't mind, even if it's
only the one in you, Sylvia!
cS

[vaniteux]

Thanks a lot Chickenshorts for your great engagement in my 'story post' and
showing your capability of psychoanalisis and - of course - for alllowing me
to find a new wisdom authority. From all your philosophical consideration I
conluded one thing: I'll chage my nick into 'vaniteuse' - one post less to you.
Btw. My nick comes from a song since I like how it sounds, not what it means.
I'm curious, what does your, I must say - quite original, nickname signify? I
guess your disposition?

[Gość: chickenShorts]

Well, my full name is Stinky chickenShorts and if you are hell bent on finding
a link to my 'disposition' then going around pretending to be a 'deliciously
SMELLY turkey' could be it! Ha, ha...

PS
We still haven't seen a masterpiece, despite the Beautiful & Modest Sylvia's
intervention!?! Hey, Vaniteuse, Beatiful & Modest is a good nick, eh?

[vaniteux]

Well, to be honest I'd prefer
Pretty&Clever&Talented&Wise$Rich&Whatyoujustwanttoadontheconditionthatit'sposit
ive. Don't worry, the masterpiece for FCE task is coming! I'm sure they will
publish it in the American edition of 'Newsweek' - I'm so tallented in that
field. At last I will gain deserved fame! I hope it will get a good review
from you as well.

[Gość: Choga^_^]

vaniteux napisała:
> Once upon a time, in a small American village of Chickenville, lived a
> young, naive turkey called Fred. He was an apple of Mr. Jones’ eye.

What does last sentence mean??? In Polish of course.
"byc oczkiem w glowie"???
Chyba nie zdam matury z angola :(