Marriage

[ontarian]

MARRIAGE Definition: the social institution under which a man and
woman (in love) establish their decision to live as husband and wife
by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc., and live happily
ever
after... or...

Fact or fiction (you make the call):

1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and
lightning.

2. After marriage, husband and wife becomes two sides of a
coin...they
can't face each other, but, they still stay together.

3. Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman
listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be
sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

5. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble
starts when they try to decide which one.

6. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something she says. After marriage, he will fall asleep before she
finishes talking.

7. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding,
economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

8. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, that
is LOVE. After marriage, that is SELF DEFENSE.

9. A wife becomes a "SEX OBJECT" when every time the husband asks
for sex, she objects.

10. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

11. There are two four-letter words that are offensive to men in
marriage - "don't" and "stop", unless, they are used together.

12. Marriage is an institution where the man loses his Bachelor's
Degree and the woman gets her Master's Degree.

13. In marriage, a man can have words with his wife, but, a woman
can have paragraphs with her husband.

14. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an
institution for the blind.

15. There are 3 stages of SEX in a married life: Tri-weekly, try
weekly and try weakly.

16. LOVE is a long sweet dream; MARRIAGE is the alarm clock.

17. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But, when a
10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

18. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence ... a LIFE SENTENCE.

Testimonials:

A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned
over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much,
fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment
but then smiled, "Wow! This stuff really Works!"

Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China , a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her!
Dad: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!!!

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said
to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on
some machine and fluid from a bottle. If that ever happens, just
pull the plug'. She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out
my beer! She is such a bitch!


The great question.... which I have not been able to answer... is,
what does a woman want? -Sigmund Freud

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go
to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft
music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henry Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Sam
Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking.
It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and
the second one didn't." - Patrick Murray

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton
Berle

My wife and I were very happy for twenty years. Then we met. -
Rodney Dangerfield