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19.03.03, 14:12
PARIS, FRANCE - President Jacques Chirac announced today that
France
would be deploying two elite units of French troops to Iraq in
the event
of war. Five hundred crack troops from the 2nd Groupement
d'Instruction
en Abandonment are mobilizing to assist the Iraqi Army in the
finer
points of military surrender. "The immediate capitulation of an
armed
force is a delicate and intricate tactic in which we French have
much
experience." said Defense Ministry spokesperson General de Armee
Francois-Phillippe Hommes de Petit-Pommes. "There is a certain
protocol
in laying down your arms or fleeing the battlefield. To wave the
white
flag while remaining arrogant, pompous and insufferable requires
experience and training. The French Army believes it is second
to none
in the fine art of surrendering quickly. The record of our armed
forces
in that area speaks for itself. The Iraqi performance in giving
up
without a fight during the last Gulf War was commendable but
slip-shod.
We hope to improve their level of surrender execution for the
next war."
General Hommes de Petit-Pommes further announced that 1000
advisors
from the Regiment de Collaborateurs Francais will also be
dispatched to
Iraq to assist the Iraqi people in collaborating effectively
with any
occupation force. "It is more important to protect their art
treasures
than to defend their honor," the General pointed out.
The General also expressed the hope that Baghdad has some tree-
lined
boulevards. "It was our experience that the Germans liked to
march in
the shade, and we feel the Americans and the British might like
that
same measure of comfort in Iraq-especially as warm weather
settles
in this spring."
