Mother and son:)

21.11.04, 07:42
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to
her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She
heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want
off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons
of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going
down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in
this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for
TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to
use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with
his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All
passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all
of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope
your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She
hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to
stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking
on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us
today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are
pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
    • Gość: lufcik Re: Mother and son:) IP: *.3web.net 21.11.04, 17:47
      fibin, this one was almost as funny as all the others you have posted so far.
      keep up good work entertaining us.
      :)
      • fibin Re: Mother and son:) 21.11.04, 21:16
        Thanks, I'll do my best I promise:)
    • Gość: lufcik Re: a dog and music IP: *.3web.net 22.11.04, 16:16
      heheheh, fibin, that wa sgood! :)

      here is (easy) one for you:

      A man is watching TV when he hears a knock on the door; he goes to the door and
      opens it and sees a snail; he picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can
      and slams the door. Three years later he hears a knock on the door; he opens the
      door and the snail looks up and says "What was that all about!"
      • fibin John and David 23.11.04, 09:25
        John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day, while they
        were walking, they passed the hospital swimming pool and John suddenly dove
        into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. David promptly
        jumped in and saved him, swimming to the bottom of the pool and pulling John
        out. The medical director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately
        ordered that David be discharged from the hospital as he now considered him to
        be OK. The doctor said, "David, we have good news and bad news for you! The
        good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your
        sanity. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient, you must be
        mentally stable. The bad news is that the patient that you saved hung himself
        in the bathroom and died after all." David replied, "Doctor, John didn't hang
        himself. I hung him there to dry."
        • Gość: lufcik Re: John and David IP: *.3web.net 23.11.04, 19:25
          hehehe, fibin, that wa spretty funny.. :)
          here is one for you:

          There was an attorney who got home late one evening after a very taxing day
          trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wilbur Wright, who
          was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for
          clemency to the state governor had failed and he was feeling tired and
          depressed.

          As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time
          of night do you call this? Where the hell have you been?" and so on. Too
          shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and
          poured himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a
          long hot soak
          • fibin A husband and his wife 24.11.04, 09:04
            One day a husband and his wife were in the bathroom. The wife was getting
            out of the shower and the husband grabs her boobs and says "If these
            were firmer you wouldn't need a bra." The wife was repulsed by his
            behavior and ignores him. The next week the two are again in the
            bathroom and while the wife was getting out of the shower he grabs her
            ass and says "If your ass was firmer you wouldn't need a girdle." The
            wife is now pissed and is ploting her revenge. One day a week later the
            husband is getting out of the shower and the wife grabs his dick and
            says "If this was a little bit bigger I wouldn't need your brother."
    • fibin 10 Most Important Men In a Women's Lives 24.11.04, 11:18
      THE DOCTOR
      Because he says "Take your clothes off"

      THE DENTIST
      Because he says "Open wide"

      THE HAIRDRESSER
      Because he says "Do you want it teased or blown"

      THE MILKMAN
      Because he says "Do you want it in the front or the back"

      THE INTERIOR DECORATOR
      Because he says " Once its in you'll love it"

      THE SHARE BROKER
      Because he says "It will rise gradually and maintain its peak for
      long-long time"

      THE BANKER
      Because he says "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest"

      THE HUNTER
      Because he "Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he
      shoots"

      THE TELKOM GUY
      Because he says "Would you like it on the table or against the wall"

      And the MOST ANNOYING is FATHER CHRISTMAS
      The bastard only comes Once A Year!
      • Gość: lufcik Re: 10 Most Important Men In a Women's Lives IP: *.3web.net 24.11.04, 16:01
        fibin, you're aking for it: the bitch in the kitchen will own your ass after
        this one...
        ;)

        here is one for you:

        A young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on
        the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored.

        "What would you like to do next?" he asked.
        "I wanna be weighed," she said.

        So the young man took her over to the weight guesser.

        "One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they
        rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton
        candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.

        "I wanna be weighed," she said.

        He really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using
        the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother
        was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't
        you have a nice time tonight?"

        "Wousy," said the girl.
        • fibin Re: 10 Most Important Men In a Women's Lives 26.11.04, 18:20
          A man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man
          a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The
          next day, the guy reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which
          is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened,
          and the man explains, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right
          hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my
          wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but
          nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the
          teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and
          she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was
          shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOUR?" The man replied, "Yep, but no matter what
          we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"
        • fibin here's one from my South African friend:) 26.11.04, 18:24
          A couple went to a sex therapist's office.

          The doctor asked, "what can I do for you?"

          The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

          The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

          When the couple finished having the intercourse, the doctor said,

          "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse", and charged them R70.

          This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,
          have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

          Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

          The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we

          can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The

          Holiday Inn charges R225. The Hilton charges R879. We do it here for R70,

          and I get R65 back from Discovery!

        • fibin Re: 10 Most Important Men In a Women's Lives 27.11.04, 11:09
          Great indeed:)

          It took me a couple of days to get the point I must admit, but I am a standard
          chess player and since I keep thinking pretty slowly. And I didn't know what to
          do with this "wanna" thing. But when I let it alone I was eventually at home.
          Btw I was almost sure it'd be something dirty, kind of:)

          Hanging Wright piece was also very good, but that one I got at once:)

          Would you kindly write something more like this, please:)
    • fibin Children know better:) 28.11.04, 09:54
      The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?" "A horsey,"
      one child answers "And this?" the teacher asks "A piggy." replies another
      youngster. "And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male
      deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total
      silence "Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint: What
      does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot?" "I know! I
      know!!" exclaims one little girl. "It's a horny bastard!"
      • fibin Bailing out 02.01.05, 23:18
        A Senator, a clergyman, and a Boy Scout were passengers in a small plane that
        developed engine trouble.

        The pilot announced, "We're gonna have to bail out. Unfortunately, there are
        only three parachutes. I have a wife and eight small children. My family needs
        me. I'm taking one of the parachutes and jumping out!"

        And sure enough, he jumped.

        Then the Senator declared, "Since I'm the smartest politician in the world, my
        country needs me, so I'm sorry, but I'm taking one of the parachutes."

        And sure enough, the Senator bailed out.

        The clergyman said to the Boy Scout, "Son, I've had a great life, and yours is
        still ahead of you. You can take the last parachute."

        The youngster shrugged and replied, "I don't need to, there are two parachutes
        left...the smartest politician in the world jumped with my knapsack!"
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