"Hryciuk, Heather" wrote:

[Gość: Micke]

"Hryciuk, Heather" wrote:

SOME OF YOU WILL HAVE READ THIS BEFORE, I HAVE, BUT IT WAS FUNNY AGAIN
ANYWAY.MATH BY GENDER
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot
more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after
that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing
the same thing to them at funerals.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW
CAN HANDLE IT.

[Gość: erwas]

this fits neatly next to the thread "Have Dinner Ready". same spirit of
vicious, spiteful, denigrating, good old-fashioned anti-feminizm. except Bert
posted his in a different spirit.

erwas

Sports Commentators Comments

[Gość: Micke]

Subject: Sports Commentators Comments

Here are some comments made by sports commentators
that I'm sure they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and
Jerk Event:

"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this
morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Ted Smith - Horse Racing Commentator:

"This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal
experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Grand Prix Race Announcer:

"The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the
one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front
of the similar one in back."

4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer:

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

5. Ringside Boxing Analyst:

"Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in
boxing - but none of them really that serious."

6. Baseball announcer:

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the
same thing again."

7. Basketball analyst:

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it.
In fact you can see it all over their faces."

8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988:

"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president
is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."

9. Metro Radio, College Football:

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven
Dicks on the field."

10. US Open TV Commentator:

"One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that,
before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and
kisses them, oh my God, what have I just said?"