three dogs

[fibin]

There's three dogs, a Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog all sat in a bar
having a quiet drink when a great-looking female Collie strolls in. She comes
up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a single sentence
can have their way with me." Quickly, the Doberman says, "I love liver and
cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I
hate liver and cheese." She laughs and says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

Little Johnny

[fibin]

One day little Johnny was playing with his toy train and it was going round and
round when he stoped it he said, "all you sons of bitches getting on get on,
and all you sons of bitches gettin off get off." His mother comes in and
says, "What did you say young man? Go to your room and think about what you
said." So after 4 hours his mother comes and says, "Come eat some supper and
then you can play with your train again." After supper little Johnny goes back
to his train and says, "all you sons of bitches getting on get on, and all you
sons of bitches gettin off get off, and all you sons of bitches pissed off
about the delay, talk to the bitch in the kitchen!"

[axxolotl]

I know a different version of what happens after supper:

"For those of you departing ,please remember to take all your belongings and
have a nice day"then he said"For those of you who are joining us,please place
your lugage in the departments directly above your head.""remember there is no
smoking in side the cars,and if your pissed about the one hour delay,blame the
Bitch in the kitchen!"

the tired doctor

[fibin]

The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the
night. "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young
mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive." The physician dressed
quickly; but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again. "You don't
have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of relief. "My husband
just found another one."

[Gość: !!!]

The following i anactual announcement that London Tube train driver have made
to their passengers...


"May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking
allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint,
it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage".

[Gość: !!!]

ok then, one more then

"please move all baggage away from the doors (pause..) please move
ALL belongings away from the doors (pause...) this is a personal
message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train -
put the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door
before I come down here and shove them up your a**e sideways"

a pint of beer

[fibin]

There's a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, all of the
presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar. The president
of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite,
Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks
Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr.
Guinness orders a Coke! "Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues
ask. "Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, than neither will I."

[Gość: !!!]

Scandal - "Footware you should be ashamed off"
Arsenic -"I've just sat on a razor blade"
Vanish - "rather like a van"
Harpist -"fairly drunk"
Weight machine - "a virgin train"
Weight watcher - "Virgin passenger"
Bishopric - "Unpopular member of the clergy"
Sea legs -"the eggs of the seal"
Cabbage - "the opinions of taxi drivers"
Substitute - "an underwater hooker"
Mayfly - "a virgin plane

[Gość: yossi]

he he sluchalem tego, niezly jest ten program :)))