JOKE

25.09.02, 19:59
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on
board but only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger said, " I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player,
the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die....So he took the first pack and
left
the plane.
The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former
president of the United States, I am also the most ambitious woman in the
world
and I am a New York Senator and a potential future president." She just took
the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, George W. Bush, said: "I'm President of the United States
of America, I have a great responsibility being the leader of a superpower
nation. And above all I'm the cleverest President in American history, so
America's people won't let me die." So he put on the pack next to him and
jumped out of the plane.
The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year-old
school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, as a
Catholic
I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute. The boy said,
"It's OK, there's a parachute left for you. America's cleverest President has
taken my schoolbag."

    • Gość: pin Re: JOKE IP: *.customer.brugge.belnet.net 25.09.02, 20:15
      a good one :)
    • Gość: Codfather Re: JOKE IP: *.poznan.cvx.ppp.tpnet.pl 25.09.02, 20:17
      Woof woof! That's one to tell the grandkids
      • Gość: pin Re: JOKE IP: *.customer.brugge.belnet.net 25.09.02, 20:20
        you can quote once you will be giving a lesson of history to your children
        :)
        • Gość: Codfather Re: JOKE IP: *.poznan.cvx.ppp.tpnet.pl 25.09.02, 20:25
          Gość portalu: pin napisał(a):

          > you can quote once you will be giving a lesson of history to your children
          > :)


          Will do! By the way, just out of interest, are you in Brugge as your address
          suggests?
          • Gość: pin Re: JOKE IP: *.customer.brugge.belnet.net 25.09.02, 20:28
            I am. iIt is a lovely little town.
            • Gość: Codfather Re: JOKE IP: *.poznan.cvx.ppp.tpnet.pl 25.09.02, 20:30
              So what do you reckon to your chances in the Champions League?
              • Gość: pin Re: JOKE IP: *.customer.brugge.belnet.net 25.09.02, 20:34
                Well, My knowledge in this field is rather of a narrowed range... sorry
                The same would be as far as ability to predict goes.

                :)
                I do however welcome your opinion on this subject
                • Gość: Codfather Re: JOKE IP: *.poznan.cvx.ppp.tpnet.pl 25.09.02, 20:38
                  I'm not keeping the day of the final free to travel to Brugge and celebrate,
                  much as I'd like to, Belgium being the "beer-adise" that it is. What's the deal
                  with mussels and chips?
                  • Gość: pin Re: JOKE IP: *.customer.brugge.belnet.net 25.09.02, 20:45

                    In your question one thing is missing: that is mayo (mayonnais)
                    :)
                    You can find mussels/frites (as some like to call them) anywhere - but Belgium
                    would be probably the only place to find frites covered with thick layer of
                    mayo :)
                    There is one small bar (more less like a caravan) on the market square in
                    Brugge and they serve nice portions of frites.
                    Have you had a chance to be in Brugge before, by any chance?


                    • Gość: Codfather Re: JOKE IP: *.poznan.cvx.ppp.tpnet.pl 25.09.02, 22:45
                      Gość portalu: pin napisał(a):

                      >
                      > In your question one thing is missing: that is mayo (mayonnais)
                      > :)
                      > You can find mussels/frites (as some like to call them) anywhere - but
                      Belgium
                      > would be probably the only place to find frites covered with thick layer of
                      > mayo :)
                      > There is one small bar (more less like a caravan) on the market square in
                      > Brugge and they serve nice portions of frites.
                      > Have you had a chance to be in Brugge before, by any chance?
                      >

                      > Never been, although I've been past it many times, which I suppose is most
                      people's experience of Belgium. There's a good mussels restaurant just off
                      Covent Garden though - Belgo's. Plenty of mayo, but also done in wine and beer
                      and what not. So did the Belgians really invent chips/ frites?
                      • Gość: pin Re: JOKE IP: *.customer.brugge.belnet.net 27.09.02, 18:46
                        Hello,

                        Mayo comes with frites not with mussels - you get (as 'Codfather' has written)
                        mussels cooked in wine or just with vinegar dressing. in most of the
                        restaurants they are served in a big pot.

                        Mussels are quite popular here, they have not necessarily been invented
                        here :). They are easy to prepare and they are easy to find ( like the
                        diamonds- Antwerp/Antwerpen/Anvers:) ).
                        You can get them for a bargain price (unfortunately this is not so in case of
                        diamonds). Unfortunately the market price does not correspond to the price
                        shown in the restaurants - there, you will find the dish for about 17 euro.

                        regards,
                    • maggie7 Re: JOKE 27.09.02, 14:56
                      Gość portalu: pin napisał(a):

                      > You can find mussels/frites (as some like to call them) anywhere - but
                      Belgium
                      > would be probably the only place to find frites covered with thick layer of
                      > mayo :)

                      Pin, it's quite interesting whay you are talking about :) I am trying to
                      imagine those mussels with mayo, what they might taste like and... hmmm... I
                      can't! Are the mussels fresh? Are they fried? Are they marinated maybe?

                      Take care :)
                      • Gość: Bert Re: JOKE IP: *.214.120.163.Dial1.Boston1.Level3.net 04.10.02, 07:07
                        Any way you like them, as long as you buy them fresh.
                        Maggie, mussels are great with mayonnaise. Better make
                        your own, any kind that goes with fish or buy a good
                        tartare sauce. Or make a heavy, spiced cream sauce. Lots
                        of chopped parsley on top. Bone appetite!
                        • Gość: €URO Ending Terrorism IP: *.liwest.at 10.10.02, 08:55
                          Federal Aviation Agency
                          800 Independence Avenue S.W.
                          Washington D.C. 20591

                          Subject: Ending Terrorism

                          Dear Sirs,

                          I have the solution for the prevention of hijackings, and at the same
                          time getting our airline industry back on its feet.
                          Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women we
                          should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers. Muslims
                          would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing a naked woman, and of
                          course, every businessman in this country would start flying again in hope of
                          seeing a naked woman.

                          We would have no more hijackings, and the airline industry would have
                          record sales.
                          Now why didn't Bush think of this?
                          Why do I still have to do everything myself?

                          Sincerely,

                          Bill Clinton


    • Gość: €URO The Balls of Sports IP: *.liwest.at 26.09.02, 10:42
      1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is
      BASKETBALL.
      2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees
      is BOWLING.
      3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is
      FOOTBALL.
      4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
      5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
      6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF.

      The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
      • Gość: Codfather Re: The Balls of Sports IP: *.icpnet.pl / *.icpnet.pl 26.09.02, 19:33
        How about marbles? Who plays with those?
    • Gość: gosc Re: JOKE IP: *.motorola.com 26.09.02, 20:35
      Sorry!!!

      it was Hillary who took the boys schoolpack, you poor feminist
    • Gość: €URO Teściowa IP: *.liwest.at 27.09.02, 12:52
      A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An
      earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede
      their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the wife
      asked sarcastically,
      "Relatives of yours?"
      "Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."
    • Gość: MARTA JOKE IP: *.tvsat364.lodz.pl 27.09.02, 17:22
      A priest and Australian sheep farmer were taking part in quiz show.
      They had equal number of points.
      Their last task was to make up a story ending with word 'TIMBUKTU'
      The priest said 'I am the father all my life
      I have no children, have no wife
      I read The Bible through and through
      on my way to Timbuktu'
      Everyone was imprest but
      the sheep farmer said 'Tim and I to Brisbane went
      We met three ladies cheap to rent
      They were three and we were two
      so I booked one and Tim booked two'
      • Gość: €URO DIRTY IP: *.liwest.at 02.10.02, 11:17
        Goofin TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN THE
        OFFICE,AREN'T:
        10. I need to whip it out by 5.
        9. Mind if I use your laptop?
        8. Just stick it in my box.
        7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
        6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!!
        5. HMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid!
        4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to
        finish.
        3. It's an entry level position.
        2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
        And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but at the
        office isn't:
        1. It's not fair. I do all the work while he just
        sits there!!!

        TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN A LAW FIRM
        AREN'T:
        10. Have you looked through her briefs?
        9. He is one hard judge.
        8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
        7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
        6. Is it a penal offense?
        5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
        4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
        3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
        2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
        And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in law
        isn't
        1. Think you can get me off?

        TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY BUT IN GOLF AREN'T:
        10. Damn, my shaft is bent.
        9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk .
        8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
        7. Look at the size of his putter.
        6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit
        more.
        5. Mind if I join your threesome?
        4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
        3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
        2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot
        to be desired.
        And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in golf
        isn't
        1.Hold up! I need to wash my balls first.

    • Gość: yap Re: JOKE IP: *.pl 27.09.02, 18:03
      Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These
      are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:
      On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.(Perfect, isn't it?)
      On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)
      On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
      On Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)
      On Marks & Spencer Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure)
      On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)
      On sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
      On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As
      opposed to use in outer space.)
      On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)
      On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)


      magbak napisała:

      > An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on
      > board but only 4 parachutes.
      > The first passenger said, " I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player,
      > the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die....So he took the first pack and
      > left
      > the plane.
      > The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former
      > president of the United States, I am also the most ambitious woman in the
      > world
      > and I am a New York Senator and a potential future president." She just took
      > the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
      > The third passenger, George W. Bush, said: "I'm President of the United States
      > of America, I have a great responsibility being the leader of a superpower
      > nation. And above all I'm the cleverest President in American history, so
      > America's people won't let me die." So he put on the pack next to him and
      > jumped out of the plane.
      > The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year-old
      > school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, as a
      > Catholic
      > I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute. The boy said,
      > "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you. America's cleverest President has
      > taken my schoolbag."
      >
      • magbak Re: JOKE 27.09.02, 18:18
        Gość portalu: yap napisał(a):

        > Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible.
        Th
        > ese
        > are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:
        > On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
        insid
        > e.(Perfect, isn't it?)
        > On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be
        ho
        > w?)
        > On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a
        s
        > uggestion!)
        > On Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.
        (T
        > oo late! You lose!)
        > On Marks & Spencer Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure)
        > On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't
        tha
        > t save more time?) (Whose body?)
        > On sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
        > On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
        (
        > As
        > opposed to use in outer space.)
        > On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm
        curiou
        > s.)
        > On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)
        >

        Fantastic. Who said this forum is boring!!!
    • Gość: Aleks Re: JOKE IP: 5.2.1R1D* / *.gnmipr.gm.com 27.09.02, 21:01
      magbak napisała:

      > An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on
      > board but only 4 parachutes.
      > The first passenger said, " I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player,
      > the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die....So he took the first pack and
      > left
      > the plane.
      > The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former
      > president of the United States, I am also the most ambitious woman in the
      > world
      > and I am a New York Senator and a potential future president." She just took
      > the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
      > The third passenger, George W. Bush, said: "I'm President of the United States
      > of America, I have a great responsibility being the leader of a superpower
      > nation. And above all I'm the cleverest President in American history, so
      > America's people won't let me die." So he put on the pack next to him and
      > jumped out of the plane.
      > The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year-old
      > school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, as a
      > Catholic
      > I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute. The boy said,
      > "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you. America's cleverest President has
      > taken my schoolbag."
      >
      Hi everybody!

      As far as I remember Jaruzelski , Lenin, Bezniew and others had the same experience.

      Sincerely,

      Aleks from New Jersye. USA
      • Gość: Wojtek Re: JOKE IP: *.abo.wanadoo.fr 28.09.02, 17:59
        Paddy spent a dirty week end in London. He's having Guiness in a station pub
        waiting for his train to Dublin when suddenly a cop taps on his arm. "It's only
        me turd or fart", protests Paddy. "That's OK Paddy. It's not that. Have you
        been to Victoria hotel last night?" Paddy nodds. "Room 123?" "Yes" "Did you
        see a woman there?" Paddy smiles, "see her? I made passionate love to her all
        night long!" "Didn't you know she was dead?" "Jeezuus! I thought she was
        English!
    • Gość: abrakadabra Re: JOKE IP: *.acn.waw.pl 28.09.02, 22:04
      a real grin on this horrible day!
    • Gość: €URO DIRTY IP: *.liwest.at 02.10.02, 11:19
      Goofin TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN THE
      OFFICE,AREN'T:
      10. I need to whip it out by 5.
      9. Mind if I use your laptop?
      8. Just stick it in my box.
      7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
      6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!!
      5. HMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid!
      4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to
      finish.
      3. It's an entry level position.
      2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
      And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but at the
      office isn't:
      1. It's not fair. I do all the work while he just
      sits there!!!

      TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN A LAW FIRM
      AREN'T:
      10. Have you looked through her briefs?
      9. He is one hard judge.
      8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
      7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
      6. Is it a penal offense?
      5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
      4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
      3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
      2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
      And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in law
      isn't
      1. Think you can get me off?

      TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY BUT IN GOLF AREN'T:
      10. Damn, my shaft is bent.
      9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk .
      8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
      7. Look at the size of his putter.
      6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit
      more.
      5. Mind if I join your threesome?
      4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
      3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
      2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot
      to be desired.
      And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in golf
      isn't
      1.Hold up! I need to wash my balls first.

    • Gość: al bungee IP: *.proxy.aol.com 04.10.02, 03:29
      Request to bungee service people:

      - could you tie the rope to my neck?
      = Hmmm???
      - I don't like to fall my head down.
    • Gość: al The funniest joke IP: *.proxy.aol.com 04.10.02, 03:46


      info.onet.pl/564359,69,item.html
    • Gość: €URO Ending Terrorism IP: *.liwest.at 10.10.02, 08:57
      Federal Aviation Agency
      800 Independence Avenue S.W.
      Washington D.C. 20591

      Subject: Ending Terrorism

      Dear Sirs,

      I have the solution for the prevention of hijackings, and at the same
      time getting our airline industry back on its feet.
      Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women we
      should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers. Muslims
      would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing a naked woman, and of
      course, every businessman in this country would start flying again in hope of
      seeing a naked woman.

      We would have no more hijackings, and the airline industry would have
      record sales.
      Now why didn't Bush think of this?
      Why do I still have to do everything myself?

      Sincerely,

      Bill Clinton
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