Could you...?

[Gość: verreri]

I will be really grateful if somone check my story. I have especially problem
with one part: "I ran very fast and had got in just before the train left." I
don't know wether past perfect is a suitable time...
Greetings:)
Verreri

My uncle is famous of telling the funny and imposible stories. I am a person
who often acts a leading role in his “fairy tails”. One of his favourite is
the story about my baby travel. This one evokes a big applause of an
audience, but nobody relizes how horrifying was this adventure for me.
I was four years old, when my parents decided to spend our holiday in
mountain. We hadn’t a car or an other vehicle (beside a spoilt bike) , so
most comfortable way to get to Zakopane was to go there by a train. I was
really excited and delighted becouse even a normal travel is an important
event for so litlle child.
When we arrived on a railway station I couldn’t stay in one place – I
tried to touch everything and be everywhere. While I was busy with a colorful
advertisment table, I suddenly noticed that I stayed on my own. Althought I
was brave child, I felt very very terrifyied. I looked around and saw my
mother – she sat in a train! I ran very fast and had got in just before the
train left. But, what is obvious in such a story, I made mistake – the woman
I had seen wasn’t my mother. I was frustrated and didn’t know what to do. At
last I sat in the corner and, crying, fell asleep.
The ending of the story is simply – ticket inspector found me, called
policemen and after few hours my nervous parents could take me in their arms.

[jan.kulczyk]

I will not check the whole story, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I will take a look at your sentence. To me it is ok. However, the past perfect there is not really necessary - you can use it, to be hypercorrect, but you don't need to. "got in just before the train left" would have been perfectly acceptable too.

[Gość: axxolotl]

Read the story Kulczyk! It's not bad at all. It's free forum entertainment :)

[jan.kulczyk]

Welll... because you insisted...
I did read it. I did not like the ending, though. It should be darker, definitely darker and gloomier. And also funnier. Something along the lines of "Throw momma from the train".

Kid, you definitely have what it takes to become a great writer. Problem is, your story doesn't hold and your grammar is a cry for help. A little work on both, and who knows?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be cruel. It's just... there are far too many mistakes. If I'd read this carefully, I would have told you it should have been "got on before the train left" in this context. And that's just one thing. But the whole two paragraphs need rewriting. Maybe someone else here could help us out? Anyone?

[Gość: axxolotl]

> I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be cruel. It's just... there are far too many
mistakes.

Be nice, it's not THAT bad. Besides, let's give the benefit of the doubt,
maybe he hasn't been studying English for a very long time? If he's, let's say,
intermediate or somewhere around that level, his grammar is OK.

>Maybe someone else here could help us out?
> Anyone?

I'm tired, I've got my own f*** thesis proposal to write, due in 5 weeks.

[jan.kulczyk]

> I'm tired, I've got my own f*** thesis proposal to write, due in 5 weeks

Lucky you, I handed mine in 6 weeks ago ;) I'm soooo boooreeed....

[Gość: axxolotl]

So now you have to rub it in, eh?

[jan.kulczyk]

> So now you have to rub it in, eh?

Well, that's one way to look at it. You could also say I'm motivating you. ;))

The kid's gonna be really surprised seeing all this in reply to his one innocent request for help.. ;))

[Gość: P]

If he's to become a pro writer, then there will be editors who will correct the
grammar etc.

[jan.kulczyk]

> If he's to become a pro writer, then there will be editors who will correct the
>
> grammar etc.

Definitely! And his style, and his wording, and his spelling, and his plots and his self-esteem... <ROTFL>

[axxolotl]

OK, here's your homework. Now, don't be Selena Number Two and do say 'thank
you'.

My uncle is famous FOR telling funny and impossible stories and I am the person
who often PLAYS THE leading role (albo gets to play the leading role) in his
TALES (forget the fairy and especially the fairy tails. Tails to sa np. na
psie).
One of his favourite ONES is the story from the time when I was a small child
(cztery lata to juz nie baby) and this particular story always gets a big
applause from the audience. Nobody realizes though how horrifying this
adventure was for me.
I was four years old then and my parents decided that we spend our holiday in
the mountains in Zakopane. We didn't have a car (albo hadn't jesli wolish
British) or any other drivable vehicle (except for a broken bike) so we had to
take the train to Zakopane. For us it was the most comfortable way to travel
long distances.
I was really excited and delighted because any travel is an important event for
such a small kid (or child).
When we arrived at the railway station I couldn't stand still - I tried to see
and touch everything. While I was busy looking at a colourful advertisement I
suddenly noticed that my parents were gone and I was all by myself. Although I
was a brave child, I got very scared. I frantically looked around trying to
see where my parents had gone (albo disappeared) and I finally I spotted my
mother - she was already on the train!!
I started running really fast and got on the train (albo jump on to the train)
at the last moment just before it started moving! Relieved that I made it I
ran towards where my mother was sitting and...she wasn't my mother at all! It
was some strange woman who only looked a little like my mother. Scared,
because the train was moving really fast now I sat in the corner and started to
cry. Nobody noticed me though and I finally fell asleep from crying. How did
this all end? Well, the train conductor found me, called the police and after
a few hours I was finally in my desperate parents' arms.

[axxolotl]

Corrections:

>I frantically looked around trying to
> see where my parents had gone (albo disappeared) and I finally I spotted my
> mother - she was already on the train!!

Ma byc:

I frantically looked around trying to see where my parents had gone (albo had
disappeared) and finally I spotted my mother - she was already on the train!!

[jan.kulczyk]

Now he's completely screwed. No ONE, I say no ONE is gonna believe he actually wrote that.... ooooooy! <ROTFL>

A genuine, heartfelt disservice, that's what I like to call it ;))

Be gooood!

[axxolotl]

Well, he does have free will, doesn't he? So he can submit the story he's
written himself. It's up to him and is conscience now.
:)))

[Gość: verreri]

jan.kulczyk napisała:

> Now he's completely screwed. No ONE, I say no ONE is gonna believe he
actually
> wrote that.... ooooooy! <ROTFL>

SHE

[Gość: verreri]

Axxolotl wielkie wielkie dzięki, naprawdę :)
A Tobie, Janie Kulczyku dziękuję za skuteczne zdołowanie. I powiem Wam, że
długo uczę się angielskiego, ale jak widać, z marnymi efektami...

[axxolotl]

> A Tobie, Janie Kulczyku dziękuję za skuteczne zdołowanie. I powiem Wam, że
> długo uczę się angielskiego, ale jak widać, z marnymi efektami...

Nie przejmuj sie J.K. - mial akurat zly dzien wczoraj :) Poza tym nie
wiedzial, ze jestes SHE a nie HE; gdyby wiedzial, bylby bardziej rycerski.

Poza tym, Twoj angielski jest calkiem dobry i jezeli nauczylas sie tyle bez
pobytu w anglojezycznym kraju, to gratuluje. Drobnostki typu of/for/in oraz
typowo angielska konstrukcje zdania musisz doszlifowac, to fakt. Najlepiej
czytaj ksiazki po angielsku. Pierwsze strony bedziesz musiala przemeczyc ze
slownikiem w reku, potem slownik odloz i jakos to pojdzie samo. Takie bledy
jak Ty zrobilas to doszlifujesz tylko poprzez kontakt z zywym jezykiem (moze
byc pisany). Wkuwanie gramatyki Ci tu niestety juz nie pomoze.
Pozdr.

[jan.kulczyk]

> Nie przejmuj sie J.K. - mial akurat zly dzien wczoraj :) Poza tym nie
> wiedzial, ze jestes SHE a nie HE; gdyby wiedzial, bylby bardziej rycerski.

Duh!!! Not fair!! Uh-uh!!! ;)))

This doesn't have anything to do with her being whoever she may be and under whatever biological category she may be be classified ;) alright? ;) I respect her as a man.. khem...woman and I screwed up. ;)

You'll see I can be mean to you - for example.. ;)! You just wait... ;)

[jan.kulczyk]

> A Tobie, Janie Kulczyku dziękuję za skuteczne zdołowanie. I powiem Wam, że

My confession:

I am sooo terribly sorry. You see, at this board people get a lot of requests from teenagers of all sexes ;) too lazy to sit down with a good dictionary or textbook and look some words or expressions up. Instead, they present us with a rough copy of a their presentation/composition/translation telling us to "proofread it", and "hurry up because it's two days overdue". "Proofreading" in most cases means rewriting the structure, changing word order, replacing verbs, adjectives, revamping the style - in short - lock, stock, the whole friggin lot! So naturally some of us tend to get just a tiny bit bitter when what seems just another one of those requests comes along. I did not really plan on being mean, it just happened. A certain Selena (you may want to check out the thread about some "Usher lyrics" - just type in "my boo" or "usher" in the board's search engine) may have had a share in this. Still, this was inexcusable and I am sorry for making you feel lousy :(
I also must admit that Axxie has a point here. Your story isn't half bad. It's actually pretty funny. I deal with language on a daily basis and may have exaggerated a little - alright, alright! - a lot! The corrections Axxie made are rather cosmetic. It's just that because of those tiny things the whole text seemed messy to me. You don't need to worry about my opinion though. I didn't even read your writing carefully the first time (and probably the second time either ;)) I promise to be a lot more helpful next time - not the judgmental p...k that you saw me in my lasts two or three posts in this thread.

P.S. I am really a lousy teacher so let me just say I think the advice A gave you is just great. I'm sure that after several months of good feedback (music, TV, movies) your English will be as good as new ;) or better.

Take care!

[axxolotl]

Wow, I'm actually impressed. Really, Kulczyk. I think I'm in love.
However, 'Axxie'??? Since when are on the first-name basis??? I protest.

[jan.kulczyk]

Well, love means never having to address people by their last names..?
or... was it the other way round..?

;)

[Gość: verreri]

> I am sooo terribly sorry. You see, at this board people get a lot of requests
>from teenagers of all sexes ;) too lazy to sit down with a good dictionary or
>textbook and look some words or expressions up. Instead, they present us with
>a rough copy of a their presentation/composition/translation telling us
>to "proofread it", and "hurry up because it's two daysoverdue". "Proofreading"
>in most cases means rewriting the structure, changing word order, replacing
>verbs, adjectives, revamping the style - in short - lock, stock, the whole
>friggin lot! So naturally some of us tend to get just a tiny bit bitter when
>what seems just another one of those requests comes along. I did not really
>plan on being mean, it just happened. A certain Selena (you may want to check
>out the thread about some "Usher lyrics" - just type in "my boo" or "usher"
>in the board's search engine) may have had a share in this. Still, this was
>inexcusable and I am sorry for making you feel lousy :(
> I also must admit that Axxie has a point here. Your story isn't half bad.
>It's actually pretty funny. I deal with language on a daily basis and may have
>exagg erated a little - alright, alright! - a lot! The corrections Axxie made
>are rat her cosmetic. It's just that because of those tiny things the whole
>text seemed
> messy to me. You don't need to worry about my opinion though. I didn't even re
> ad your writing carefully the first time (and probably the second time
>either ;
> )) I promise to be a lot more helpful next time - not the judgmental p...k
>that you saw me in my lasts two or three posts in this thread.
> P.S. I am really a lousy teacher so let me just say I think the advice A gavey
> ou is just great. I'm sure that after several months of good feedback (music,T
> V, movies) your English will be as good as new ;) or better.

:)))
W takim razie jestem gotowa zapomnieć Ci nawet Orlen;)
I naprawdę rozumiem irytację, spowodowaną ciągłymi prośbami o pomoc i
poprawienie rożnych dziwnych rzeczy, zwłaszcza, że sama tego dzisiaj
doświadczyłam (tyle, że osoby, którym prace sprawdzałam, mogą się potem niemile
zdziwić, ale zdecydowali się podjąć ryzyko - podobno w młodym wieku organizm
pożąda adreanliny:)) Często jest jednak tak, że człowiek, w przypłewie chęci
edukacji coś tam skrobnie i potem nie ma możliwośći zniwelowania swoich błędów -
nauczyciel od angielskiego i tak nie wyrabia z poprawianiem prac programowych,
a lektor w szkole prywatnej najprawdopodobniej wyśmieje.
A co do angielskich książek to problem polega nie w samym czytaniu, tylko na
dostaniu się do jakichkolwiek zasobów literatury, bo szczerze mówiąc te
opracowania klasyków strasznie mnie irytują, a literaura współczesna diablo
droga:( Czasami coś łapnę w antykwariacie, czasem w charakterze prezentu
okazyjnego...Ostatnio się wzięłam ambitnie za Nesweek, wygrzebany w bibliotece,
ale najlepiej rozumiałam reklamy ;D
I jeszcze powiem Wam, że mnie te wczorajsze posty zmotywowały strasznie,
naprawdę;) Ale więcej lepiej tego na mnie nie praktykujcie :D
Pozdrawiam:)