Any French Jokes?...

[Gość: chickenShorts]

Here is one:

"The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed
middle aged French woman and the seat was occupied by her dog.

The weary traveler asked,
"Madame, please move your dog. I need that seat."
The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and
said, "You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my
little FiFi is using that seat?"

The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after
another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the
woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm
very tired."

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are
you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"

The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog,
tossed it out the window and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked
and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the
American... "Horreur!!! Epouvantable!!!"

An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly:
"You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing always
the wrong thing!
You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand.
You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've
thrown the wrong bitch out the window!..."

[Gość: chickenShorts]

...another one:

"During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the
French usually lost... of course, of course... the French just happened to
capture a British Major.
An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation. The
French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic."
The French general said, "Why do you wear that red uniform? It makes it easy
for us to shoot you."
The British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, and
my soldiers will not get scared."
The French general said,"That is a very good idea!..."
The Frenchy turned to his orderly and said, "From now on all French officers
will wear brown pants."

+ a bonus:

"Q: How does a French woman hold her liquer?

"A: By the ears..."

[glory]

Not bad !
I also got one. It's not really French one.( I hope you forgive me my
ignorance)
Listen to this:
A man loses his wife in a freak scuba-diving accident and police aren't able
to recover the body. The next day, he gets a knock at the door and is greeted
by two solemn police officers." Sorry to bother you, sir", one says.
"But we have information about your wife."
:What"? the man cries.The cop says,"We have some bad news,some good news and
some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
The man chooses the bad first,so the cop explains, "I'm sorry to tell you ,but
we found your wife's body at the bottom of the bay."
"oh, my God,"the man cries, but then remembers what the cop had said.
"What's the good news?"
"Well," says the policeman,"when we pulled her up,she had two five-pound
lobsters and dozen good-size crabs on her."
"If that's the good news,what's the great news?"
The cop smilles. "We're going to pull her up again tommorrow!!"

and a short one( on my favourite topic, which is alcohol):
The doctor finished examining the patient, and said,"I can't find a cause for
your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to alcohol."
"In that case," said the patient," I'll come back when you're sober."

[butter_fly]

Wow, the first joke was really good, this one isn't nearly as good but have it:


There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a
carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a
tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages
and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a
really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and
the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had
his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was
thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed
him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella
must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped
for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the
train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that
French bastard again.

[butter_fly]

And what could the French say to that?

The explosion of shuttle Columbia didn't stop the Americans. They recently
decided to land a shuttle on the sun...When the French told them it was
impossible because of the heat, they proudly replied that they would land at
night!

If an American is interested in the European culture he is considered as an
intellectual. If a European is interested in the American culture he is
considered as a retarded!

[Gość: chickenShorts]

...and another one:

Jacques Chirac telephones George Bush with a frantic plea for help...
"Mr. President, we have been informed by our scientists that a giant meteor is
headed straight for French, and unless something is done, it will strike France
in 8 hours and completely destroy our country! Please help us by aiming all of
your ballistic missiles at it to help us eliminate this threat before it’s too
late!!"

You are President Bush, what do you do?

A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV… or…

B) Tape it and watch it in the morning

[glory]

Retarded!. IQ of 70-85. I wander. Yep, that's must be me.

[Gość: chickenShorts]

glory napisał:

> Retarded!. IQ of 70-85.<

Prove it!

[glory]

I'm getting to that. Wait, please. WHAT?? I didn't get any eggs for breakfast!
Bowl of dry cereal ! Yyyyyyyyyyy....what the fuck, Excuse me. I will be back.

[Gość: pls more]

jokes about french bitches, hate them all, overdressed, overnoisy and overfat
and over stupid bitches french

[Gość: awalk]

Sorry it is not about French but quite fit for this forun.

Extract from government report on language
The EU Commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to
adopt English as the preferred language for communications in place of
German which was the other prime possibility. However as a key part of this
agreement HM government has conceded that English spelling has some need of
improvement and has therefore agreed to implement a 5 year staged program
for the conversion to what will be known as Euro English.

In the first year ?s? will be used in place of the soft ?c?. Sertainly sivil
servants will resieve this news with joy. At the same time the hard ?c? will
be replaced with ?k? which will klear up any konfusion and typewriters kan
have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm for the sekond year, when the
troublesome ?ph? will be replaced by ?f ? which will make words such as
fotograf 20 persent shorter.

In the third year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan permit more
komplikated developments. Government will enkourage the removal of double
letters which have always ben a deterant to akurate speling? Also, al wil
agre that then horible mes of silent ?e?s in the language is disgrasful, and
they wil go.

By the fourth year people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ?th?
with ?z? and ?w? with ?v?.

During ze fitz year ze unesesary ?o? kan be droped from vords kontaining ou? and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters. After zis fitz year ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech
ozer.

[Gość: awalk]

www.purepolitics.com/frenchjokes.htm

[Gość: awalk]

An open letter to M. Jacques Chirac:

Mon cher Jack

Je suis a bit fromaged off avec votre decision to blow up La Pacifique avec le Frog bombes nuclears. Je reckon vous must have un spot in La Belle France itself pour les explosions. Le Massive Central? Le Quay d'Orsay? Le Champs Elysees? Votre own back yard, peut etre?

Frappez le crows avec stones, Sport! La guerre cold est fini! Votres forces militaire need la bombe atomique about as beacoup as poisson need les bicyclettes.

Un autre point, cobber. Votre histoire militaire isn't tres flash, consisting, n'est-ce pas, of battailles the likes of Crecy, Agincourt, Poitiers, Trafalgar, Borodino, Waterloo, Sedan et Dien Bien Phu. Un bombe won't change le tradition. Je/mon pere/mon grand pere/le cousin third avec ma grandmere/ la plume de ma tante fought avec votre soldats against Le Boche in WWI (le Big One). Have vous forgotten?

Reconsider, mon ami, otherwise in le hotels et estaminets de l'Australie le curse anciens d'Angleterre - "Damnation to the French" - will be heard un autre temps.

Votre chums don't want that.

Millo.

[Gość: awalk]

www.abc.net.au/am/s789623.htm

[Gość: awalk]

www.shush-its-secret.demon.co.uk/Jokes.html