That's my idea of bliss!

[fibin]

A man is jogging in the park when he comes across a 98 year old man
weeping on a park bench. The jogger stops to see if he is ok. The old
man replies "Life couldn't be better. I'm living with a nineteen year
old nymphomaniac! In the morning when I wake up we have sex. Then she
brings me breakfast in bed. After breakfast we have sex again and I have
my mid-morning nap." He continued "We normally eat out for lunch at a
nice restaurant and then it's back into bed for 'afters'. Then I spend
the afternoon watching sports or old movies before she cooks dinner for
me..." "...Oh, did I mention she was a gourmet chef? After dinner we
have sex again and I finally collapse in bed exhausted and ready for a
restful nights sleep." Surprised, the jogger asks "That's my idea of
bliss! Why in the world are you so upset?" Through his tears the old man
weeps "I can't remember where I live!".

[fibin]

The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the
street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details. She
said "Well, he was a big muscular and handsome sailor." "Well, what did he want
to do?" they all asked. She said, "I told him that a straight lay was 100
bucks, but he said he didn't have that much. So I told him that oral sex would
be 75 bucks, but he didn't have that much either. Finally I said, well how much
do you have? The sailor said that he only had 25 bucks. So I told him for 25
bucks all I can do is service you by hand. He agreed and after getting the
finance straight,he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then a second
hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand." "Oh my
god!" they all exclaimed, "It must have been huge. Then what did you do?" "I
loaned him 75 bucks!" she said.

[jan.kulczyk]

Aahh, what the hell.. here's one:

This man is walking down the road and hears someone crying. He stops and looks over the fence and sees a woman without any arms or legs crying beside a pool. He asks "What's the problem?" she says "Well I've never been hugged before." Well this is a nice guy so he hops the fence and gives her a hug. Half an hour later he is going back to his car and hears her crying. He asks "Now what's wrong?" she says "I've been thinking and..I've never been kissed before". Well the guy thinks what's the harm in giving her a kiss to make her feel better? He hops the fence and gives her a kiss. At his car he finds that his keys are lost so he goes back to the girl and finds his keys there but he sees her crying again. "Now what's wrong" he asked She responds "I've never been fucked before" The guy picks her up and throws her into the pool and says "Now you're fucked real good