Polish Jokes

[Gość: dump pollack]

A group of scientists discovered an apelike creature in the wilds which they
were certain was the Missing Link. The proof of their theory, though,
required that a human mate with the ape in order to see what characteristics
the offspring would take on. So, they put an ad in the paper: "$8000 to Mate
with Ape".
The next morning a Pole called up in response to the ad, and said he'd be
willing to be part of the experiment. "But," he said, "I have three
conditions!!"
The scientists agreed to hear him out.
"First: My wife must never know.
"Second: The children must be raised as good Catholics.
"Third: If I can pay in instalments, I'm definitely interested".


Do you know why the suicide rate in Poland is so low?
Because you can't jump out of a basement window.



Two Polish friends went away on their annual hunting expedition, and by
accident one was shot by the other. His worried companion got him out of the
deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest hospital.
"Well, Doc," he inquired anxiously, "Is he going to make it?"
"It's tough," said the doctor. "He'd have a better chance if you hadn't
gutted him first".


A Polish man walks into his local pub and goes straight up to the barman,
who turns away disgusted at the handful of dog shit the Pole is holding.
"Hey, Fred" says the Pole, "Look what I almost stepped in".


How do you know when your house has been burgled by a Pole?
The garbage's been eaten, and the dog is pregnant.


Did you hear about the Polish bank?
You bring in a toaster and they give you a thousand dollars.

[Gość: Wojtek]

Not bad. I liked the 'scientific' one; it's probably our greatest
contribution to scientific research. Any more like this one?

[Gość: Pollack]

The manager of a prosperous whorehouse in Warsaw one night found, to his
dismay, that he was short of girls for the evening's entertainment. Thinking
quickly, he dashed out and bought several inflatable fuck dolls, figuring
that, given his average clientele, no one would know the difference. Soon
after, he ushered a customer into a room that housed one of the new lovelies,
assuring him that he was in for an especially good time.
When the customer came out of the room a little while later, the manager was
waiting eagerly in the hallway. He winked at the fellow and asked "Well? How'd
you like her?".
"I just don't know what happened," said the customer, shaking his head. "I bit
her on the tit, she farted, and flew out the window".




A young Polish girl was hitchhiking, and a big semi-trailer pulls over to pick
her up. The driver was a serious CB addict, and had an enormous CB radio in
his cabin.
"That's the best CB radio ever made", he explained to the bug-eyed girl, "you
can talk anywhere in the world with it".
"No kidding," she gasped. "Boy, I would really love to talk to my mother in
Poland".
"Oh, yeah?"
"I would give anything to talk to my mother in Poland".
"Anything?" he leered.
"Anything" she assured him.
"Well, maybe we can work something out," he panted, pulling his cock, by which
time it was fully erect, out of his pants.
So the girl reaches over, leans down, opens her mouth, and says
loudly, "HELLO, MUM?"


Did you hear about the man who was half-Polish and half-Jewish?
He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.


A polish man is sitting at a bar having a few drinks when he notices a very
attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar and order a drink.
The polish guy calls the bartender over and says "whatever she is drinking
give her another one and tell her it is on me."
The bartender replies "I don't think you want to do that."
"What do you mean?" yells the polish guy, "Send her the drink!"
"O.K." the bartender replies, "but I don't think it is a good idea."
"And why not?" asks the polish guy.
The bartender leans over the bar and very softly says "because she's a
lesbian."
"I don't care, send her the drink." says the polish guy.
So after the lady gets her drink the polish guy very casually strolls down to
the other end of the bar and sits down next to her and says, "so what part of
Lesbia are you from?"



How about some jewish jokes ?

[Gość: Wojtek]

"How about some Jewish jokes?"

No way! We continue with Poles.

An American, an Englishman and a Pole got caught drinking vodka in Saudi
Arabia. They were sentenced to twenty lashes each. Just before the sentence
was to be carried out, the sheikh intervined saying that since it was his first
wife's birthday he decided to grant each of the condemned one wish.
"Could I have a pillow tied to my back?", asked the Englishman. It helped
but not much. After ten lashes there was no pillow.
"I'd like two pillows", said the Yank. It lasted just one lash longer.

"Ah, you are Polish, aren't you" said the sheikh, "the butt of so many jokes.
You can have two wishes." "Well, I'd like forty lashes." "And the second
wish?" "A Yank tied to my back."

[Gość: Pollack]

Two Poles and a Black were employed by the same construction company and got
into the habit of working together - until the day the Black fell from a
scaffold eleven storeys high. When the police came to check out the situation,
there wasn't too much left to identify the fellow, so the officer in charge
turned to the two distraught Poles. "Listen, guys," said the cop, "was there
anything distinctive about this man?"
"No, he was just a regular guy" said one of the Poles.
"Hey, wait a minute!" piped up the other. "He had two arseholes!"
"Are you bullshitting me?" asked the cop. "How the hell would you know?"
"Because every time we went into the pub around the corner for a beer at the
end of the day," said the Pole happily, "the barman would say, `here comes
that stupid Nigger with the two arseholes'!"

[Gość: Wojtek]

That realy made me laugh!!!