Rogacizma a Ustrój

flipflap 11.07.07, 03:07

ROGACIZNA A USTRÓJ

Socjalizm
Masz dwie krowy. Musisz im, jako klasie pracującej dostarczać mleko.
Do podziału - przez radę oborową.

Komunizm
Masz dwie krowy. Mleko nie jest twoje, tylko wspólne całego narodu.
Wypada po pół kropli na głowę.

Kapitalizm
Masz dwie krowy. Możesz je doić jak chcesz, dopóki nie
Założą związków zawodowych. Wtedy one będą doić ciebie,
albo w najlepszym razie nie zezwolą na dojenie.

Eurosocjalizm
Masz dwie krowy. Możesz je doić do woli, ale jak sprzedaż
za dużo mleka, to płacisz karę. Całe szczęście, że założone za czasów
kapitalizmu związki zawodowe nie pozwalają na dojenie.
Dzięki temu nie płacisz kary.

Kaczyzm
Masz dwie krowy. Jedna wylatuje z obory, bo nie chce podpisać
oświadczenia o tym, że nie współpracowała z dojarką starego typu.
Tłumaczenie, że jest bykiem nie pomagają. Druga wylatuje, bo
widziano ją na paradzie obok innej krowy. W ich miejsce dostajesz
jedną kozę, dwa lemury, kunę i piętnaście surykatek. Musisz -
udając, że je doisz - sam wytwarzać mleko, bo od tego zależy koalicja.

Lepperyzm
Masz dwie krowy wzięte na kredyt. Nie musisz spłacać kredytu pod
warunkiem, że wysypiesz krowy innych na tory. Znajdujesz pomocników,
którzy karmią Twoje krowy w zamian za miejsce w chlewie przy
korycie.

Giertychizm
Masz dwie krowy. W mundurkach, bez telefonów komórkowych. Obok w
oborze stoi Smok Wawelski. Możesz go doić, ale nie w niedzielę.
Ciąże krów musisz zgłaszać do odpowiedniego urzędu. Sprawdzasz, czy
nikt ich nie zmusza do muczenia. Zamawiasz pięć piw.

Oleksizm
Masz ku*wa dwie krowy jak brzytwy. Za cholerę się z nich nie
wytłumaczysz.

Wałęsizm
Masz dwie krowy - lewom, i prawom. Wspierasz je obie. Nie wiesz, którą możesz
doić. Pytasz Danuśki. W tak zwanym międzyczasie ktoś wydoił je za ciebie i do
tego ukradł dojarkę.

Wassermanizm
Masz dwie krowy. Okazuje się, że mogą kopnąć podczas dojenia,
dlatego donosisz na byka który je robił do sądu i oskarżasz o zamach
na twoje życie.

Maciarewizm
Masz dwie krowy. Burzysz oborę, publikujesz imiona krów, które
przez lata dawały ci mleko i oskarżasz o to, że dawały je też komuś
innemu, bo przeszły jako cielaki szkolenia gwarantujące lojalność
wobec obory, w której kiedyś mieszkały. Nocną porą, jak nikt nie
widział, chodziły tam i same podłączały się do dojarek. Na pewno
to, że nie mogły tego robić bo tamta obora została
zburzona, to plotki.

Peeselizm
Masz dwie krowy, które są najstarszymi krowami na polskiej wsi. Nie
dają co prawda mleka, ale potrafią stać w tej samej oborze z dowolnym stadem
bez większych konfliktów.

Kononowizm
Zlikwidowałeś krowy, oborę, dojarkę – wszystko zlikwidowałeś.
Ale za to masz fajny sweter!

Obserwuj wątek

piss.doff zanies sie smiechem jeszcze raz 12.07.07, 21:50

FEUDALISM: You have two cows.Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone
else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows.The
government gives you a glass of milk.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: Your cows are cared for by
former chicken farmers. You have to take care of the
chickens the government took from the chicken
farmers.The government gives you as much milk and eggs
the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM: You have two cows.The government takes both,
hires you to take care of them, and sells you the
milk.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is
banned.

PURE COMMUNISM: You share two cows with your
neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has
the most "ability" and who has the most
"need".Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any
milk,and the cows drop dead of starvation.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take
care of them, but the government takes all the
milk.You steal back as much milk as you can and sell
it on the black market.

PERESTROIKA : You have two cows. You have to take care
of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal
back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free"
market.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government
takes both and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes
both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors
decide who gets the milk.

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them
sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't
do anything.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give
you two cows if you vote for it. After the election,
the president is impeached for speculating in cow
futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The
government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm
animals in an apartment.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.Your
neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually
read the constitution, believes in it, and has some
really good ideas about government. The cow runs for
office, and while most people agree that the cow is
the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes
for her because they think it would be "throwing their
vote away."

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the
government regulates what you can feed them and when
you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk
them.Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other
and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires
you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM: You don't have any cows. The bank will not
lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any
cows to put up as collateral.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows.Either you sell the
milk fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows
and kill you.

AMERICAN-STYLE ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull - and build a herd of
cows..

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell
three of them to your publicly - listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law at
the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with
associated general offer so that you get all four cows
back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The
milk rights of six cows are transferred via a
Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells
the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed
company. The annual report says that the company owns
eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you
kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government
bans you from milking or killing them.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes.The government
requires you to take harmonica lessons.

OLYMPICS-ISM: You have two cows, one American, one
Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state
of the art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the
moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony
of growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced
parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow
was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and
watched its parents butchered before its eyes. The
American cow wins the competition, severely spraining
an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a
multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The
Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by
Chinese government officials, though no one ever hears
about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot
and fast at its Beijing restaurant.

FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married,neuter all the bulls
and adopt a veal calf.

COUNTER CULTURE-ISM: Wow, dude, there's like... these
two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.

ENRONISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to
your publicly listed company, using letters of credit
opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with the associated general
offer so you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six
cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman
Island company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows
back to your listed company. The annual report states
that the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more.

AMERICAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You sell
one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the
2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of
four cows using Bioengineered hormones. You lobby an
ignorant Congress so as to make sure that you do not
have to label your milk products - even if they cross
state lines. You are surprised when one cow drops
dead, but you work out a deal so that you can sell it
to a renderer - and feed it back to your herd. Some of
the older second-cycle cows cannot be impregnated -
while others deliver twins - that have to killed and
sold for pitance as vealers... You spin an
announcement to the analysts stating you have
downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes
up.

FRENCH CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You go on
strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You
redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They
learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most
are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You engineer
them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an
hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of
vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows but you
don't know where they are. While ambling around, you
see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is
good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them
and learn you have five cows. You have somemore vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
count themagain and learn you have 12 cows. You stop
counting cows and open another bottle ofvodka. You
produce your 10th 5-year plan in the last 3 months.
The Mafia shows upand takes over however many cows you
really have.

FLORIDA CORPORATIONISM: You have a black cow and a
brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote
for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some
people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out
how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from
out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.

NEW YORK CORPORATIONISM: You have fifteen million

Drzewko
Od najstarszego
Od najnowszego

_czosnek_ Bushizm 11.07.07, 10:03

Masz dwie krowy, tylko ci sie wydaje ze masz, panstwo wydoji cie tak tak, a
jedna krowa to agent szukajacy oborze wroga.
W efekcie sam jestes krowa do dojenia.
waldek.usa Fajne, zanioslem sie smiechem. Tekstu nie bedzie. 12.07.07, 21:27
- piss.doff zanies sie smiechem jeszcze raz 12.07.07, 21:50
  
  FEUDALISM: You have two cows.Your lord takes some of the milk.
  
  PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government
  takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone
  else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows.The
  government gives you a glass of milk.
  
  BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: Your cows are cared for by
  former chicken farmers. You have to take care of the
  chickens the government took from the chicken
  farmers.The government gives you as much milk and eggs
  the regulations say you should need.
  
  FASCISM: You have two cows.The government takes both,
  hires you to take care of them, and sells you the
  milk.
  
  TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government
  takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is
  banned.
  
  PURE COMMUNISM: You share two cows with your
  neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has
  the most "ability" and who has the most
  "need".Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any
  milk,and the cows drop dead of starvation.
  
  RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take
  care of them, but the government takes all the
  milk.You steal back as much milk as you can and sell
  it on the black market.
  
  PERESTROIKA : You have two cows. You have to take care
  of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal
  back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free"
  market.
  
  CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government
  takes both and shoots you.
  
  DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes
  both and drafts you.
  
  PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors
  decide who gets the milk.
  
  BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them
  sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't
  do anything.
  
  AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give
  you two cows if you vote for it. After the election,
  the president is impeached for speculating in cow
  futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
  
  SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The
  government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm
  animals in an apartment.
  
  REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.Your
  neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
  
  LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually
  read the constitution, believes in it, and has some
  really good ideas about government. The cow runs for
  office, and while most people agree that the cow is
  the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes
  for her because they think it would be "throwing their
  vote away."
  
  BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the
  government regulates what you can feed them and when
  you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk
  them.Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other
  and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires
  you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
  
  CAPITALISM: You don't have any cows. The bank will not
  lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any
  cows to put up as collateral.
  
  PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows.Either you sell the
  milk fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows
  and kill you.
  
  AMERICAN-STYLE ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows.
  You sell one and buy a bull - and build a herd of
  cows..
  
  HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell
  three of them to your publicly - listed company, using
  letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law at
  the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with
  associated general offer so that you get all four cows
  back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The
  milk rights of six cows are transferred via a
  Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company
  secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells
  the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed
  company. The annual report says that the company owns
  eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you
  kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad.
  
  ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government
  bans you from milking or killing them.
  
  SURREALISM: You have two giraffes.The government
  requires you to take harmonica lessons.
  
  OLYMPICS-ISM: You have two cows, one American, one
  Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state
  of the art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the
  moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony
  of growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced
  parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow
  was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and
  watched its parents butchered before its eyes. The
  American cow wins the competition, severely spraining
  an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a
  multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The
  Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by
  Chinese government officials, though no one ever hears
  about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot
  and fast at its Beijing restaurant.
  
  FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married,neuter all the bulls
  and adopt a veal calf.
  
  COUNTER CULTURE-ISM: Wow, dude, there's like... these
  two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.
  
  ENRONISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to
  your publicly listed company, using letters of credit
  opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
  execute a debt/equity swap with the associated general
  offer so you get all four cows back, with a tax
  exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six
  cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman
  Island company secretly owned by the majority
  shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows
  back to your listed company. The annual report states
  that the company owns eight cows, with an option on
  one more.
  
  AMERICAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You sell
  one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the
  2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of
  four cows using Bioengineered hormones. You lobby an
  ignorant Congress so as to make sure that you do not
  have to label your milk products - even if they cross
  state lines. You are surprised when one cow drops
  dead, but you work out a deal so that you can sell it
  to a renderer - and feed it back to your herd. Some of
  the older second-cycle cows cannot be impregnated -
  while others deliver twins - that have to killed and
  sold for pitance as vealers... You spin an
  announcement to the analysts stating you have
  downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes
  up.
  
  FRENCH CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You go on
  strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch.
  Life is good.
  
  JAPANESE CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You
  redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
  ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They
  learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most
  are at the top of their class at cow school.
  
  GERMAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You engineer
  them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
  excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an
  hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of
  vacation per year.
  
  ITALIAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows but you
  don't know where they are. While ambling around, you
  see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is
  good.
  
  RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them
  and learn you have five cows. You have somemore vodka.
  You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
  count themagain and learn you have 12 cows. You stop
  counting cows and open another bottle ofvodka. You
  produce your 10th 5-year plan in the last 3 months.
  The Mafia shows upand takes over however many cows you
  really have.
  
  FLORIDA CORPORATIONISM: You have a black cow and a
  brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one.
  Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote
  for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some
  people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out
  how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from
  out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.
  
  NEW YORK CORPORATIONISM: You have fifteen million
  - waldek.usa Hehehehehehehehehe... 13.07.07, 21:50
    
    to trzeba skopiowac do archiwum.
tryndy Re: Rogacizma a Ustrój 13.07.07, 06:38

A Rydzykizm ?
henryk245 Re: Rogacizma a Ustrój 13.07.07, 07:18

z tego co TVN24 pokazuje-Polacy to naród kopytny,te rogate rzadza ..,
cala reszta klapouchy ...
- flipflap Re: Rogacizna a Ustrój 13.07.07, 21:03
  
  Mam jeszcze jedną definicję. (do korekty jak ktoś zechce)
  
  Bulbonizm
  
  Masz dwie niekumate krowy i starą ale za to nowo-wymalowaną oborę. Nie masz
  dojarki bo ta technologia nie zostałajeszcze poświęcona przez najświętszą krowę.
  Żadna krowa nie daje mleka tylko ciągle się kłóci o to, która więcej mleka
  może dać. Na dodatek na stanie masz znacznie więcej krów. Dzięki czemu
  dostajesz od sąsiednich obór asygnaty na mleko sprowadzane od krów, które
  wyemigrowały wcześniej.
fan.club Re: Rogacizma a Ustrój 13.07.07, 21:11

Krowa imigran.... eee, tego panie, imitacjyna:

Krowa przepłynęła wielką sadzawkę i udaje bizona.

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