conversation starters

[mara-boo]

Do you want proof of how dull my life has become? Do you want to know how I
spend my leisure time, Mr. Former Party Dude? No? Too bad.

I was thinking about this recently, at a party. Like most of the parties I
attend these days, this one was to celebrate the birthday of a person who is
younger than my current set of contact lenses. There is no nudity at these
parties, except when a guest removes all of his or her garments, including
diaper, and sprints around squealing, pursued by a parent terrified that the
child is about to make peepee on the carpet of semi-complete strangers.

I used to be a party animal. If there was a party, I was there, and I did
not leave until it was over. Even then, I did not always leave. Sometimes
the people who threw the party, if they wanted to get rid of me, had to move.

Speaking of conversation starters and who hasn't been strapped for a perfect
icebreaker:

*** No matter how hard you try(and I am sure you will), you cannot lick your
own elbow.

*** No wonder male pigs seem so content all the time - their orgasms
(boargasms?) can last for 30 minutes.

*** A man can burn 8 calories unclasping your bra using two hands. With one
hand, it's 12. And if he uses only his mouth, he can shave off 87
calories.

*** Guess why we kiss under the mistletoe:
Scandinavians used it as a plant of peace, and the druids for its
fertility. The weired thing is, in ancient times, people saw it grawing
in trees where birds had left droppings. "Mistel" is the Anglo-Saxon
word for "dung", and tan means "twig". So mistletoe translates to "dung
on a twig"! (I am not so sure of that one)

*** Beer goggles exist! It's been scientifically in British study taht about
two pints of beer or four glasses of wine increase the perceived
attractiveness of the opposite sex by about 25 percent!

All of the above came from my wife's Cosmo magazine but what really got me
was this insightful tidbit "You are addicted to sex if you have sex more
than 3 times a day, and you should seek professional help".
The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek professional
help!

[Gość: chickenShorts]

All the proof is here, nat. Get a lover!
BTW, are you wasting your own time and money or is the Polish Daily paying?

[mara-boo]

Gość portalu: chickenShorts napisał(a):

> All the proof is here, nat. Get a lover!
> BTW, are you wasting your own time and money or is the Polish Daily paying?
*********

Jingle bell....

Bang! (Sorry, you missed and this session is over)

How many of you out there, when you hear the words ''We three kings of Orient
are,'' even if you are attending a somber worship service, find that your
brain automatically responds with, ''smoking on a rubber cigar''? Me, too.
It's like at weddings, when the organist plays ''Here comes the bride,'' and
everybody's brain, including the groom's, automatically responds: ``Big, fat
and wide.''

Wonder how would that sound if the Stones performed it?
They are such amazing physical specimens. I mean, they are 60-year-old men,
till you get to see them up close.. Ever seen Keith up close? Looks like a
giant iguana that has learned to walk erect and play guitar.

[Gość: chickenShorts]

Wha are The Stones? A cult?

[mara-boo]

More like OLD-FOSSIL RANTS. But their looks don't matter, nor does the fact
that they have ear hairs older than Britney Spears. What matters is that, in
clear violation of law of biology, the Stones are still performing.

And who am I? Just your garden variety bubbling idiot braking into sprint
after 2.5 year old.

[Gość: ewas]

mara-boo napisała:

> More like OLD-FOSSIL RANTS. But their looks don't matter, nor does the fact
> that they have ear hairs older than Britney Spears. What matters is that, in
> clear violation of law of biology, the Stones are still performing.
>
> And who am I? Just your garden variety bubbling idiot braking into sprint
> after 2.5 year old.

be prepared for what will clearly follow.
by way of preparaton: be aware that Britney is no longer hot among 2.5 year
olds. from now on you will become an increasing embarrassment to your child,
what with all this whinging about PC restaurant chains and trends in "modern"
music instead of attending to the hair bursting out of your own facial orifices.
erwas

[Gość: chickenShorts]

Ah! but I never asked who you are... I know.
And Keith Richards IS an Iguana and IT DOES NOT KNOW how to PLAY guitar...

Now, Ken Dodd, that's what I call an ARTIST... Ah... La, lala... Tears for
fears... BEAUTIFUL!!!