ratpole
09.04.09, 20:12
Contrary to his surname, professor Dońda is not a Slav, and he got his name by
accident. His last name was Affidavid for the last six years, since he, when
leaving Australia, wrote the affidavit the authorities asked for, but put this
word to a wrong field of the form, and got a new passport, cheques, credit
card and the insurance certificate with the name of Affidavid Dońda. He
thought for a while and decided that, after all, the name does not matter much.
Professor Dońda's life began as a result of series of errors. His father was a
mestizo woman from Navajo tribe, and he had two with a fraction mothers.
Namely: a White Russian, a Red black woman and, at last, miss Aileen Seabury,
a quaker, who gave the birth after seven days of pregnancy in dramatic
circumstances, that is in a drowning submarine.
At that very time, professor Harley Pombernack studied inheritance using
prisoners in Bolivian jails. He asked them to lick a glass in order to obtain
the genetic material. In the same lab, another American, doctor Juggernaut,
used to fertilize human cells. Somehow, Pombernack's glasses got mixed with
Juggernaut's glasses and were put to the fridge where human spermatozoids were
stored. Because of this mess, cells of that mestizo woman were used to
fertilize the ovum donated by a Russian woman, daughter of White emigrants.
Pombernack's assistant tried to stop the process in the last moment. He ran
into the room and shouted: "Don't do it!", but, like most Anglo-Saxons, he
uttered the words indistinctly and the words sounded somehow like "Dońdo".
Later, when the documents were prepared, this sound transformed into Dońda,
which became the professor's surname.
By a coincidence, the American League against Ectogenesis sued the lab and all
the fertilized ova were confiscated and an advertisement was published in the
newspapers asking women to become surrogate mothers. One of the volunteers was
a black woman who didn't know yet that four months later she would participate
in an attack on the salt storage facilities of Nuddlebaker Corporation. The
woman belonged to a group of environmentalists who protested against the
construction of a nuclear power plant in Massachusets and wanted to destroy
the salt resources because salt is used to produce sodium, which trasfers the
heat from reactors to the generators. Unfortunately, the Massachusets reactor
worked on fast neutrons and did not use sodium, and the company which produced
sodium was located in Oregon and was called Muddlebaker Corporation. And the
destroyed salt was a calium salt, used as a fertilizer. The woman who had to
spend a lot of time in prison, refused from motherhood and the baby was
transplanted to a new mother, a quaker, someone named Seabury. The quaker got
bored and went to Disneyland where she took an underwater trip along a huge
aquarium. The submarine drowned. Even though all passengers survived, the
child was born prematurely. Since miss Seabury was pregnant for only a week,
she cannot be thought of as a real mother, hence the fraction.
The professor's sex remained a mystery, because two female cells can only
produce a female cell, and it is not clear where the male chromosome came
from. On the other hand, I heard from a retired guard that the third
department of the Pombernack's laboratory collected the genetic material of frogs.
Hehehehe
