2003 Stella Awards

[rzulvv]

Once again, it's time to review the winners of the
Annual Stella Awards.

The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella
Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself & successfully
sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards
for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the
United States.

Unfortunately, the most recent lawsuit implicating
McDonalds & the teens who allege that eating at
McDonalds has made them fat, was filed after the 2002
award voting was closed. This suit will, undoubtedly,
top the 2003 awards list.

~*~
5th place (tied)

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded
$780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her
ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a
furniture store. The owners of the store were
understandably surprised at the verdict, considering
the misbehaving toddler was Ms Robertson's son.

~*~
5th place (tied)

19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles, California,
won $74,000 & medical expenses when his neighbor ran
over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman
apparently did not notice there was someone
at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal
the hubcaps.

~*~
5th place (tied)

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was
leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of
the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to
go up since the automatic door opener was
malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house
because the door connecting the house & garage locked
when he pulled it shut. The family were on vacation &
Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8
days.

He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found & a large
bag of dry dog food. He sued the house owners
insurance claiming the situation caused him undue
mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of
$500,000.

~*~
4th place

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded
$14,500 & medical expenses after being bitten on the
buttocks by his next door neighbor's Beagle dog. The
Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.

The award was less than sought because the jury felt
the dog might have been a little provoked at the time,
as Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into
the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet
gun.

~*~
3rd place

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber
Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500, after she
slipped on a soft drink & broke her coccyx (tailbone).
The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had
thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during
an argument.

~*~
2nd place

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, sued the owner of
a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from
the bathroom window to the floor & knocked out two of
her front teeth.

This occurred whilst Ms. Walton was trying to crawl
through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying
the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 &
dental expenses.

~*~
1st Place

This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a
brand new Winnebago Motor Home. On his trip home from
an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway,
he set the cruise control at 70 mph & calmly left the
drivers seat to go into the back & make himself a cup
of coffee. (((( OMG!!! ))))

Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed &
then overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not
advising him, by reading the owner's manual, that he
actually could not do this.

The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago
Motor Home.

The company actually changed their manuals on the
basis of this suit just in case there were any other
complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.