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Stuff happens;)

25.07.06, 16:38
Stuff Happens — Really Weird Stuff. Who Knew?

The following are answers given on a history exam by 6th graders:

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all
the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened
bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't
have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice.They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his
death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and
threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When
she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation
of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented
cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with
a 100-foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money
and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and
hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of
a heroic couple.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise
Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two
cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand."
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and
got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They
believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This
ruined Booth's career.

15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he
kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most
famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half
Italian, and half English. He was very large.

16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote
loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling
for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring
up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a
hundred men.

18. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits.

19. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.

20. Madman Curie discovered the radio.

21. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
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    • fibin Making love:) 27.07.06, 18:29
      Henri, an elderly man, is walking through the French countryside when he spots
      a young couple making love in a field and says to himself, "Ah, young love, ze
      spring time, ze air, ze flowers… C'est magnifique!"
      He continues to watch, remembering the good times he had as a young buck.
      Suddenly, he lets out a gasp and says "Mais, sacre bleu! Ze woman – she is
      dead!"
      He rushes to the local town to the police station. "Jean! Jean!" he shouts at
      the police chief. "Zere is zis man, zis woman... naked in Farmer Gaston's field
      making the love."
      The police chief smiles and says, "Come, come Henri, you are not so old.
      Remember ze young love, ze springtime, ze air, and ze flowers? Ah, 'l'amour!
      Zis is ok."
      "Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!"
      Hearing this, Jean leaps up from his seat, rushes out of the station, jumps on
      his bike, pedals down to the field and discovers Henri is telling the truth.
      Then he pedals non-stop all the way back to call the doctor, Pierre.
      "Pierre, Pierre, this is Jean. I was in Gaston's field. Zere is a young couple
      naked 'aving the sex!"
      Pierre replies, "Jean, I am a man of science. You must remember: it is spring,
      ze air, ze flowers l'amour! Zis is very natural."
      Jean, still out of breath, replies, "Non, you do not understand – ze woman, she
      is dead!"
      "Mon dieu!" exclaims Pierre. He grabs his black medicine bag, jumps in his car
      and races down to Gaston's field. After carefully examining the couple, he
      drives calmly back to Henri and Jean, who are waiting back at the police
      station. Seeing them, Pierre smiles patiently and says, "Ah, mes amis, do not
      worry about a thing. Ze woman – she is not dead, she is British."

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